Perhaps it was the moving away
As a child, to a new place
Or the figures removed
By law or by time
That now makes me love
So much better from a distance
To hold you closest
At arms length
I feel the wrenching
And the yearning
Not just as a symptom
But as the very love itself
Enamoured by ‘one day’

I am shut so tight
Fingers ache to pry
No matter of strength
But of will to open
And as though I am fooled
The clamp loosens
Light shimmers on pearls
I feel beautiful

It is when I relax
That thieves listen closer
My reluctance to change
Had not been in vain
I am robbed
Empty, hollow, bare
From your neck dangles my pain

All of the people
I wanted to be friends
Now acquaintances haunting my phone
She’s pregnant, he travelled
Oh look, a promotion
And they’ve just bought their first home
Is it my problem
I struggle to connect
Or is this space by mistake?
How have you been?
Well, the same as always
Looking for changes to make

The head pleads with the heart
To learn from what has been taught
That while we cannot see the seeds
Buried beneath the soil
We must assume they’re still there
We must assume they are growing

If rain falls and sun shines
And we do not see a sprout
I will retire my *****
Pave over the ground
And forget I ever wanted
Flowers to grow

Do you know me?
Would you like to know me?
For an hour, for a day, for a night.
What size of me is palatable?
Am I enough?
I’m trying not to be.
To intrigue but not to satiate,
To hold but not to have.
You wouldn’t want it,
Not if I were really offered.
To want to know me,
Such a prettier thing than knowing me.

Not again, not you
I have worked too hard
Not to have changed.
I had chosen kind words
4, 7, 8
It did not have to go this way.
Then I look up
Teeth centimetres deep
A pit in my stomach
Blood on my chin.
Your eyes, soft and brown
Different than before
Brutalised by
Patience worn thin.

Our words are shared
Our minds aquaint
I see my favourite part of me
In your favourite part of you
While our delights dance
Our dormant selves awake
Such a shame that we
Are all we have in common