I wish i could express how i feel right now
The way a poet does.

I wish i could tell that i'm happy
That you still reply my messages
(Un)willingly. Whichever suits you the most.

I wish i could say that i'm sad
That you have a thought about turning back
About stopping the interaction
Because you thought it won't lead you anywhere.

I wish i could disagree with your thought.
But i can't see the future.
Nor i can't guarantee it yet.

I wish i'm good at words
So that i could tell
That your heart is safe as a safe

I wish i could express all those feelings
All at once since that's how i experience it right now
All of them mixed up like a dough
Getting things complicated though.

I wish i could state
That i want you to be here
Right now
Right here

I wish i could express how i feel right now
The way a poet does.

But i'm no poets
I'm not good with words
Let alone action.

Right now,
I just wish
I don't have to see you
In goodbye.

I realized something
I rarely write for you
Nor about you.
I don't know why.

I feel like i should write something about you
I know there are no necessity in that.
I still feel like i should
So that you feel more special
So that you feel more loved

But for some reason,
I almost can't.
Maybe due to the fact that,
I only write about losses,
Or loneliness
Or sadness
Or everything that's dark-toned.
I don't know why,
It's always been like that for ages.

I remember once you said to me
That you always like my writings
But you hoped for once
That i write something about happiness
Or cheerful wishes
Or hopeful futures
Or anything with brighter-tones
But i can't
I don't know why,
It's always been like that for ages.

I guess, that's why i rarely write for you
Nor about you.
Because whenever i'm with you
I feel happy
I feel loved
I feel complete
I feel all kinds of positive feelings
That quite strange for me.

And those peculiarities that i feel,
Prevent me to write something for you,
And/or about you.

Because for once,
I feel accepted.
And i guess,
There are no necessity to write that down.

It's not just a repetition
It's an iteration.
Trying to interpolate to know precisely what's been done
And extrapolate to forecast things that are about to be done.

Assumption kills,
Cutting of ideas just to clarify things.
Yet, the cutting feels needed
Even if it's based on assumption.
Even if they both know,
Assumption kills.

They talked so much,
About code of conducts,
About good communications
Without communicating it well.

They talked,
Line by line.
Stick to their own script,
Yet the writer *****.

Because they talked,
Line by line.
Stick to their own script,
But keep losing in translation.

Thus, interpolation is pointless
Extrapolation is worthless.
Agreement is unachievable.
And communicating is impossible.

The smile i remembered
The scent that used to linger
The warmth that used to warm me up

All those, are the things i missed

The soft laugh to my terrible jokes
The deep talk before sleep
The messy hair in the morning

All those, are the things i missed

The unconditional love you used to gave
The gaze that says "you might be the one"
The calmness due to the idea that we'd meet again soon.

All those, are things that missing.

I fall in love,
With your smile every time you see me.
With your hand brushing my hair, softly.
With your laugh of joy.
With you.

I feel safe,
When you're next to me.
When you tell me that everything's alright. Even though, sometimes i'm worried about something.
When i'm with you,
I no longer worry about things that might upset me.
When i'm with you,
I feel accepted.

I unconditionally love you.
I constantly fall in love with you.

Whenever you're around, i feel loved
Whenever i look at you, i feel lucky.
Whenever i talk to you, i fell deeper into your love.
I don't know how deep it would be, but i'll dive into it.
Because, the deeper i dive the more i learn the fact that......
I'm home.
I finally home.

I'm glad that you're happy
That's the least emotion i can feel
Seeing you smile so brightly
That's the most emotion you deserve to feel

I know you're sick of my apologies
But i still wanna say i'm sorry
For the past we left behind
For the future i tore

But i'm glad that you're happy
Surrounded by people who loves you
Surrounded by love which loves you
Surrounded by happines which you truly deserve

I'm glad that you're happy
I'm glad that i'm in misery
Because you deserve that
And i deserve that.