I'm an adult synonymous with actress.
Which means I will always be kind.
I will smile, I will laugh, I will play along.
And I'll assure you that I'm fine.

While a fiery passion seeks to destroy you,
I will sit pleasantly and smile.
I will nod along at your stupid jokes
And smile openly while thinking you're vile.

I won't even flinch when you embrace me
But instead I'll squeeze twice as hard.
Because an actress of my caliber
Knows your hand and every card.

And while forgiveness stands and beckons
I will smile and stab it's righteous form.
And wash away the silliness of it's being
Then my hatred cloak I'll adorn.

I'll never be impressed by your efforts
Your chances of redemption have long passed.
Your lying trilogy cannot be undone
Too many mistakes have been amassed.

My family will always forgive you though.
But I'll never be fooled again.
And since you really want to play this charade
Better grab a notebook and a pen.

Because I can act infinitely better
And I'll smile till the very end.
Get my Oscar ready too
Because this isn't going to mend.

I'll never forget the day
And I'll never really forgive
How happiness was ripped away
For you to selfishly live.

I'll always truly hate you.
And this will always be an act.


Because I'm an adult.
Synonymous with actress.

Sometimes when things get bad
It's hard to imagine that greatness can ever follow.

Sometimes when things get bad
The *** of gold seems eternally hollow.

As if an eternal sunset may have occurred
And the sun took it's last bow.

And through the dimmed silky moonlight
You can only see grey clouds.

But that's only sometimes
And the world gets better.

I can promise you this.
You won't always be a debtor.

One day you'll collect
And the sun will shine brighter.

And you'll stand proud
Because you were the last fighter.

So keep pushing
And get up when you've been slammed down.

Because a human with such brilliance
Does not belong on the ground.

Do not listen to unrealistic words
Go forth and persevere.

So you can always be proud
When you see your face in the mirror

And when the light doesn't seem to shine
And your lifelines look severed.


Use your own mind to remember


"Sometimes" is not forever.

If I had to count the amount of people that have let me down.
I'd have no numbers at the end.

If I had to tell you of all my disappointments
You'd have no time left to lend.

If I had to search for all the missing pieces of my heart.
The X's drawn would make ink disappear from pen.

If I had to never see those faces again.
Maybe my heart would have a chance to mend.

But these If's are but wishes and I haven't a well.
So I must cast them aside and not waste time on fairy tales.

Because the world is a cold dark place and everybody gets knocked down.

Little broken pieces of every human

Can be found all over the ground.

In the stands the crowds cheer,
It's what they do best.
And in class the professor lectures,
About the greatness expected for every test.

And at home the parents preach,
About the wrong that shouldn't be done.
And outside the officers enforce,
With their hands firmly on their guns.

But nobody ever teaches you,
How to handle the disappointed faces.
When you've gone down your own path.
Leaving the rest still in their braces.

Nobody ever tells you,
That the disappointment is rough.
That handling what can't be handled,
Is nonsensically tough.

So here I am to write it.
In hopes that it will be read.

In fragment whims of lyrical rhymes,
Incompetently attempting to ease the dread.  

Take these words and conquer.
Take them as weapons like swords.

So when they judge and cast their mockery.
Your arsenal of protection is what wards.

Let you be safe and sound during the fight.
And walk unbothered by those with selfish plight.

And journey till you reach the destination of choice,
Where freedom rings in the form of your own voice.

I used to believe in fairy tales and unicorns and Santa on his sleigh.
And then the facade started to crack, just a little day by day.

And finally one afternoon the wind slightly sighed
And a crisp broken-off leaf of Fall tore down what once stood by.

And now I'm left quite shattered and there's not much to give.
Because now that all I've known has come to be false, I'm just not sure how to live.

And there's just too many pieces I'm afraid I can't even begin,
To put back together and whole the facade I once lived in.

The sun doesn't seem to shine as bright anymore and even the stars look a little dull
And I can't get rid of the constant nausea I feel in my stomach and my soul.

Coach says I need to write this stuff down but I don't think I really can.
There's a certain piece inside of me now accepting that everything's ******.

What little belief I had in love, what tiny delicate piece
That belief is magically gone now, blown away like that Fall leaf.

Perhaps I'll get over it one day. Perhaps I'll overcome.
But until that day decides to dawn I won't say a word to her, not one.

She cheated on my father. Stole his money and viciously lied.
Took all of my college fund and gave it to some no-namer I'll call Clyde.

His real name is a bad word. Forever in the trash.
And anytime somebody mentions the word "Mother", I look for the closest wall to bash.

There's just so much anger, as if everything is tainted red.
Sometimes I can't sleep at night playing the events over in my head.

So I've developed a relationship with sleeping pills. A dependency I hide.
Sometimes when I try to take nights off the monsters rush in from outside.

Yet I never drown myself in my tears nor breakdown and cry.
Because I've got a father already down that street and I have to stand tall by his side.

When I found out the news and had to tell him late one night,
Seeing my great Dad cry was the absolute worst sight.

I held him while his rugged frame shook and gave him tissues to dry his eyes.
Slipped him Tylenol to cure his heartache, a little pill with a surprise.

It was that very night that I realized not all of us could break and cry.
So I knew I would have to be stable and hide any teary eyes.

When everybody is down and wandering without hope,
there has to be somebody to stand tall.

Somebody to help cope.

So I can't break down. Because then everybody will be truly lost.
I've learned to stand tall.

No matter what the costs.

But no matter how hard I try, no matter what means I take,
I still always wake up with dried tears caked on my face.

It's funny that that happens because I go to sleep without tears.
But maybe that's how it works when your conscience switches gears.

I don't have to act tough because I'm soundly asleep

and I can't tell myself to stop

as I sleep and silently weep.

I believed you when you told me
That you'd hold me for forever and a day.
And I believed you when you told me
That you'd never be far away.

I even believed you when you lied
And believed you while I cried.
I even believed you after picking up
The black pieces of my heart that had died.

You were always quite the act
And I bought the bulk package.
Now I'm stuck with glass shards
Roughly poking through my bandage.

But I'm glad I'm a creature of evolution
And I can learn from my mistakes.
Because now I know the truth
And I've been trained to see through the fakes.

I won't believe in it any more
Because I now know too much.
I won't fall for any sparks that alight
Even if we touch.

It simply won't happen. Because I don't believe in it at all.
I've got too many bruises too.
Because nobody caught me during the fall.

I'm a stranger in my own house
And there's nowhere to go.
Surrounded by familiar faces
But no arms to call home.

No where to seek comfort
When the rain starts to pour.
No arms to run into
When the monsters knock on the door.

It's a funny thing.
But it's not funny at all.
How far away everybody seems
Even when they're just down the hall.

I've taken what I feel
And locked it up tight.
Now I smile when I'm sad
To hide my own plight.

The only reminder that none of it's not real

Is the heaviness in my heart from wounds that won't heal.