i don't remember what it's like to be
fifteen or fourteen or thirteen or twelve;
i don't remember what it's like to be petals,
stomped upon, sometimes i don't remember
what it's like to exist before today,
anything other than otherworldly.

i started thinking in terms of galaxies and
solar systems where there should be dirt and
rain and i've tried to keep grounded with a
garden and with flowers but they all died; i
wasn't made for this.

there's probably a little bit of earthly me
waiting to be unlocked but i've lost(swallowed)
the keys and there's probably a little bit of
supernova me waiting to be unlocked but the
keys are on the top shelf (i am very short).
there is a whole lot of in-between me just hanging
around and i don't know how i feel about that.

she told me the world would be darker without me
but i have never been a star. i have always been
a planet. a comet. dust. maybe she is a dreamer,
maybe she is seeing something i cannot. i guess
all stars started out as something else.

i. eat spaghetti at 2am
with chapped lips and ****** knuckles
that you refuse to mend; don't
answer when people ask what
happened

ii. fall down the stairs
and wait until somebody notices to
finally get up

iii. shove studs through the shirt
you stole out of a backpack and
then bury it at the bottom of your
dresser; throw it away later

iv. climb under the computer desk and
sleep on the floor until somebody notices
but chances are they realize that you
must be pretty far gone to sleep under
the computer desk.

v. walk home in the rain and don't
jump in the puddles, but do watch
the frogs in the ditch and try to
catch them. appreciate the grey.

dreamer; you might feel
lost at sea but guidance
has always been within
you; you will find shore
soon enough.

you can look to the stars
all night but they may
never hold the answers,
you can pray to your gods
and to your earth but
they might never write back

because, dreamer, you are
your own force of nature
you are the captain, and
you have never been lost.

oh how the stars bloom
in your eyes like millions
of fireworks on the fourth
of july;

i dig my heels into the dirt
and i call out like the ground
to the rain and the ocean
to the moon-

i say,
"i will cry for you
until i go crashing down,"

and i don't wait
for a response.