I was sitting outside on the curb in front the venue
With Spaghetti string lights that curved into shape
Spelling out Baby’s Alright
Spilling out green and blue, green and blue all over the pavement
And thought if Care-Bears could ***** it would be like this
The band was finished and they were packing up slowly
Reluctant to leave
Maybe because they had a four hour drive ahead of them to Philly
I was smoking like I do after big crowds
The sun was setting here and rising at another place
And I was thinking about what to do for the rest of the night
Because I didn’t want to be alone but I didn’t want to be in a crowd
Everyone was talking about drinking and if not drinking, smoking
And if smoking then eating and all roads leads to Rome
So if they wanted to **** they might as well have just said it—
But I guess they wanted to be nice first
It was cool outside and the wind was kind to let me smoke in peace
I kept staring at the schizophrenic buildings changing voices one after another
Which is to say I just eavesdropping on the windows again
And I always have this strange habit of thinking that the people in those buildings are free
Or willing to spend sometime with me and talk about whatever
Like they had sometime to waste and I would have taken it

Staring at a blank screen,
television oddly silent,
even though the silence kills.

People never talk about
how lonely alone time is
and yet I'm sinking into the
night sky, all alone.

I wonder if I'll
ever learn to love myself.

They don't care, they're just curious

Anxiety makes you believe the world is an enormous place filled with nothing but terror that you’ll have to face all by yourself

he used to range off-key
on nights he'd sing to me
          and i?
     well i'd fake a smile
and pretend to not account for
the fire running my spine
that never let me whisper to his lobes
     "you're doing fine"

i just couldn't lie
to a face like a shelter dog's

and he'd lay next to me
     sawing logs
as if he couldn't even be bothered to dream
as if all screens are unwelcome
when what you're trying to stitch is a sail

     another night time nice guy
with a needle between his teeth
faking bonds between the bed sheets

          those sheets though?
          those sheets got me

I am hopeful for today
I’m hopeful for tomorrow
There are some words I’ve still to say
They’ve become too hard to swallow

And yet I cannot spit them out
They won’t slide off my tongue
No matter how much hope I have
I’m scared they’ll make you run

If I let them through my teeth
I’m certain they will chase you
Away from me you’ll surely flee
My heartache will replace you

There are words I cannot say
I keep them safe inside
Although each day their meaning grows
I make sure that they hide

But if my hope should take control
The words may be released
I’ll cross my fingers that you’ll stay
Perhaps you will be pleased

I’ll hope that you will understand
I’ll hope you’ll say them back
The words that fly between our lips
Will formulate a pact

I know that you have words to say
They might not be the same as mine
But you can say these words to me
I know that I’ll be fine

‘Cause I am hopeful for today
We can release our words together
We won’t be scared or run away
And we’ll be hopeful for forever

I tell myself that I’m okay – I’m not
I tell myself that I don’t love you – I do
I pretend that you hate me – I know you don’t
I wish you didn’t love her anymore – you can’t stop
I wish you could tell me what I want to hear – you won’t