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B
I never wanted to give up on you,
And it was not my plan to be the one who leaves, too.
Months passed, the only dream I hold onto:
That we both chose to change for each other as our invisible string was not meant to snap in two.

To be very well aware of the signs, from the first second,
Convinced myself you were the one, or that was what my thirst reckoned.
My soul still craves for watching eyes made by weeping cherry blossom.
I want us to sit in that park bench we kissed instead of exploding the nuclear weapon.

Yearning for being able to kiss camellia flowers of you made by twain leaves
You said it would be hard for you to leave,
Well, cutting the wire to leave you was also not with ease.
I wonder if you still keep that little keychain bear and my grey beanie,
As I am still dreaming of you, oh why to be two abandonees?
Your world is eternally complete.
You don't need to change a thing.
Your existence is already gem concrete.
A divine white hole gives off rays and transmits an unfamiliar being.

A seed that blooms into a drop of water,
A destiny, ready to be changed by the sky god.
Sprouts gushing everywhere, born from the mud.
A mother has seen it all, asks for protection against this creation, odd.

Shadows dressed as sparkling beams float around,
Befooling the pure, hoping to capture the crown.
Words as soft as pongee, elevating the snake from its hole, deep down,
Spreading the decay, now it is dead on the lawn.

The outer layer finally cracks open after forever.
Has been thousands of years, now its job is to be the cycle breaker.
Such a miraculous blessing of nature, to be no wiser:
Oh to possess a soul too serene to comprehend the tempter.

A photon is destined to proceed forwards,
One's mission only to exist for creating radiance.
Scarcely, only for a moment, for a soul sky god has its eyes over, one particle jumps backwards,
Creating another realm where signs from the future comes down to past as divine messages.

Uneasy senses overflowing from the intuition,
For those who cannot see, it is just an illusion.
One must not question sky god's compassion,
Sending signs even for those blinded by realm of skeletons.
In metro, observing quietly.
Trying to memorize every face sharply.
Looking for a sign or the one for me.
Something holy, that makes me less lonely.

Other ones don't seem to be as interested as me.
All heads bent downwards, faces dripping into screens.
I can't help but wonder why I have this habit,
A part of me craves someone worth a ring, not a sentimental labyrinth.

Perhaps a piece of me wants to be seen,
Or asks someone to be just keen.
After all, no matter how hard I suppress these emotions
I find it overflowing, oh to be a human being.

It's such a weird dichotomy,
To have the art of noticing coded in me.
I can't help but wonder,
Will I ever find someone as me, ultimately?

In my dreams the scenes unfold pretty neat.
The moment I find someone with this habit,
The time we realize we found the other half after a long bit,
Would we be making moves or just sit?

Two minds who dread starting the conversation firstly.
The real thing that scares my soul is the possibility,
Of finding the one and losing it immediately.
The one who witnesses it all, but never dares involving,
I guess that is the weird dichotomy.

Trying to connect in the metro, is it some form of grieving?
By attempting to leave something aside that I never managed to win over.
Forcing the mirror of my soul to not collide with others as judging gazes hover.
So I'll stare at the blinking station lights and fake that I am not a loner.
4
True love for me,
It wasn't when we kissed deeply.
True love for me,
It shouldn't feel like a duty-

When you put just enough effort to keep me around blindly.
True love for me,
Now I see clearly,
It was not when we didn't care to change for it.

True love for me,
It was when my mom still made food for me,
After seeing her husband's toxicity.
True love for me,
It was my mom when she still helped
The late-night assignments with me-

Even when her red life juice spilled on the floor,
After he crushed her skull to the moldy rotten door,
Only for she didn't feel like pouring her love,
Into a person full of violence and gore-

Who can't even consider his son watching and hearing the storm
When he just needs to be four.
Wandering around the room like I'm in a cycle, spiraling.
Hours passed, it hurts my knees from within.
Creating the millionth dream in my fantasy,
Will I ever stop this pattern or has it become a part of me?

Witnessing all these blurry images in me
Happy crowds and smiling faces, rising from my tragedy.
Is it my brain that is protecting me?
By creating false realities I've never tasted.

Should i be grateful for it or just stop?
My tasks are overflowing from the desk, a pile so high, someone could climb to the top.
My intuition tells me to cut this habit off,
Like a tumor that should be chopped.

Finally discovered it's all just parts,
Drenched in dark pitch, starving larks.
The moments i should have been in,
Have they turned into curses or are they just blessings?

Constantly putting off, it's addicting
Cause as long as I am in my head and dreaming,
I wouldn't need any other thing
Still, I can sense my higher self hoping:

Someday in the future I'd be quitting
Replacing these fake memories with something genuine
I don't know if it will happen but if it ever does
My legs would finally sigh and be greatly thanking.
I know, i fear to try
Yet maybe eventually,
I can make the whole bit right.
Even after all of the hell that we both have been burned through
I know the spark that lights up the way to my soul
Has always just been you.
Rotting in bed for three days now.
I was thinking about all the whys and hows,
trying to find an answer.
Maybe if I get up and complete a couple of tasks,
I can beat my temper,
which I always had at the end of the day,
when I realized I missed out on this day too, when I pray.

But today,
I looked deep into my iris in the mirror,
and told myself
today is the day that will differ.
only if I start and be consistent,
everything would be clearer.

Perhaps even by the end of the year,
I can make her proud, my mother.
This time I'll try to stay stuck,
hoping that eventually I'll get my luck.

God will hear the sound of my heart
and provide a bit more strength for my worn out arms.
Over time,
I will reassume to pray at night
from deep inside my lungs,
an opportunity for me to regain the control of my years which was anything but young,

And in the future I know I'll be glad i tried that day when the alarm has rung.
I'll throw every piece of darkness holding me back to the bin.
And as Liza Minnelli has sung,
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win.
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