you know i still love you
but i will always hate you too
for so many reasons
leaving me alone at 6 on friday nights till 10am the next day
i never ate enough
you never noticed
i never did my homework and lied saying i did
you hardly checked
i hurt myself
you never noticed
but you're my dad, i can't just only hate you
but i feel the need to
cause the pain you put me in
i will never forget
the phone calls that i have to initiate with a text
i'm sorry i'm a bad child
i'm so sorry i'm ****** up
and i'm sorry you don't know how to parent
i'm sorry i love my mom more than i'll ever love you
but i love you dad
you know i do
you just don't know how much i hate you
thanks for kinda raising me
you yelled
i cried
you drank
i cut
you smoked
i smoked
you slept
i drank
you went out
i stayed up till you got home
i'm sorry but i feel the need to say goodbye
to the father i wished you were
so i fan finally accept the real father you are

never trust a poet's words
they sound sweet at first
but you'll notice the emotion in their words
it all sounds too...
fake
"i love you like the sea loves the shore"
becomes too scripted
you hear the small tinge of love actually left in their voice
hoping
hoping it could mean something
but it doesn't
it never does
it's just the way they say it
one day, after they have left
you will find their poems, and they will be the exact words that they had said to you
once long ago