I always told myself
That watching the stars at night
Was the penultimate way
To realize just how small we are

But looking into the cosmos
of your eyes
And the nebula underneath your skin
The constellations of freckles elegantly arranged on your body
The composition of you
Is what gods are made of

You are the stardust of planets so Unfathomably far away that to look at you is to gaze upon the heavens

But You are also earthly

Your love like raging typhoons and calm ocean breezes all at once. Strong enough to level mountains yet so tender as to hold the oh so fragile hearts of men

Your mind and wit crafted like the finest diamonds, sharp enough to cut air and leave tendrils of understanding floating about

Your joy, radiant like the warmth of the sun, spreads around all you love leaving a permanent atmosphere of bliss in your wake

If there is ever a time
Where I wish to feel smaller
And ponder my own standing in this world
I will not gaze into the stars of the night
But into the vast ocean of your beautiful eyes

The greatest pain one can know
isn’t external
nothing in this world can damage yourself
more than yourself

We so seldom think that we are our own worst enemy
when we systematically breakdown ourselves
thought by thought
breath by breath
stroke by stroke
the pain in your chest far outweighs the one on your skin
And this distraction is all you have left

These cuts are too deep for any cosmetic solution
the medicine of choice for the mind is at the bottom of a bottle
and the sling on the heart just doesn’t quite cut it anymore
there is no cure all for this pain
There is no grandiose way to tell others
That you don't want to live anymore
That you would rather die
Than to have to suffer
Your own existence
For even
Another
Second

The existence of man is not something to be worried about,

It is something to be forgotten.

For man is the greatest good, yet the greatest evil.

I sat at the corner of our street. It's funny the way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. It's strange, the metaphysical way you hold my face in your hands is something only we understand. Our street. We met here. We met again here. Sometimes I get coffee by myself at our coffee shop just to reminisce on that day. You were so beautiful. The way your hair perfectly frames your face. I always talked about your eyes. I found God in them, how could I not? The sky whispers your name to me on a daily basis. What did you think of me back then? I thought you were perfect. I think you are perfect. When I look at the sky I think of you. You love the sky and all its gradients. I imagine that when you look up at the sky you imagine limitless possibilities. Sometimes I think you might fly away. I always call you angel and I think it's appropriate. You're a beauty far too great to be of earthly descent. I look up at the sky and take another sip of the coffee. You always liked yours sweet. I look up at the sky and take another thought of you. I do that often. The funny way things mean so much to us but nothing to others. There's beauty in the closeness we share. There's beauty in everything about you. I look up at the sky one more time.

There was a moment
Only briefly
Where I wished you were here
To relish in this moment
With me
But our time has passed
And I stand here
Alone

You
Are a goddess
And I am a devout follower
Your body your temple
And any space you occupy, heaven
Let me worship you
I want to use my tongue to sing hymns into your skin

You
Are a work of art
And I am an artist
Your body your canvas
Let me paint you
I want to use my hands to create something beautiful

You
Are you
And I am me
You are beautiful
in every way
I want to love you
I want to be there for you when you need me
I want your happiness to radiate through your smile whenever I'm with you
And it does
I want for someday, our goodbye's
To turn into good nights

Out of all these things that I want
The thing I want most of all
Is you

I've always wanted to be someone else
Smarter
Wiser
Cooler
Someone better than who I am now
But today
Today I want to be nothing

I Stitch my lips shut to a conversation I can not start because all it will bring is pain
I want to reach for you but you pull away
I miss the sound of your heartbeat but neither you nor I will feel the weight of my head on your chest because you are too numb
To numb from the past to want to feel the present and too numb to even want to think of a future
All because of him
I want to speak to you
Tell you everything will be okay
Tell you that he was not worthy of your love
But my tongue holds in the silent rage of my thoughts

I read that if you truly love something
You never let it go
If you can't go a single day without thinking about it
Then hold on with all your might
But you wanted to let go
I've tried so hard to be angry
It's the only thing that makes the pain go away
But I can't
I can only sit here and wish with all my might that you were still here
Next to me
Sharing these covers
In this bed that used to smell like you
My mind flashes through all of our memories together
Trail hikes
Late nights
Movies
God she was everything to me
She was my person
And at one point in time I was hers
When did that change