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The Whys of My Briefcase

don't know where you keep yours,
mine, immediately resigned,
to my black briefcase

the bills I cannot pay,
the notices that I knew
would unfailingly come some day,
the letters to my children,
signed, sealed but never to be
delivered till much later, maybe,
by someone else's hand

and so,
I carry my briefcase
every day,
an appendage human,
opens only for additions,
never any subtractions,
many reminders included,
for letters previous posted, sent,
and stamped~marked
past, way past, overdue

the authorities demand satisfaction,
at the very least they want my
whereabouts

the doctors asks,
what's wrong,
you never filled that essential
prescription~poem I wrote for you,
that was even writ legible
so you could not deny its
existing urgency

that **** briefcase is so heavy,
tempted to chuck it into the Peconic,
but it was a loving gift from her,
not realizing that I carried no case,
just so burdens invisible
were imagined lighter, or extinct,
but easily ignored

where do you keep yours?

the forget~me~knots that you
don't want but can't crush
legally or courageously

when they open that unhappy pandora,
they will wonder why nothing was e'er said,
but they won't ask twice, but understand,
for who among us
does not have a black briefcase?
a true story...once upon a time when on the edge of edges,
I opened it and dealt with every one of its contents,
I felt relieved,  and was ready to re-live
in another shape unknown
I wish I knew.
I wish I could see.
What burdens you what you think what's truly on your mind.
I wish I knew.
I wish I could see.
How you see me, how important I am to you.
I wish I knew.
I wish I could see.
What you do, who you're with.
I wish you know.
I wish you could see.
That I worry about you, that you consume my thoughts.
I wish you knew.
I wish you could see.
How much I miss you, how often I lay awake wishing to just hold you.


I wish you knew.....and I wish I could see
 Jun 2014 Delilah Summers
Dahlia
Two
 Jun 2014 Delilah Summers
Dahlia
Two
If you were to have one wish, what would you wish for?

Would it be to walk forevermore along the beach shore?
Or to be the most skilled one on the dance floor?
Or to go back in that time when you attempted to rob a liquor store?
Would it be to be covered in diamonds and gold galore?
What about rocking your way through the stage its door?
Or not to be filled with the burden of your best friend's death anymore?

It is the deepest of desires and wishes of others that I simply adore:
The way their eyes shine and glimmer as if they are made of precious ore
It is the fact that I can read one's mind and thoughts so easily, even before
It would put my closest friends and family into a snore

I could tell their lies and false words, although against it they swore
Is it really such a burden to find what's behind the heart and its core?
"I don't understand your reasonings, it must be something you adore."
My grandmother would tell me before shutting the front door
"I hope one day your faith in humanity would restore,
For one your young age should not have a heart that is this wore."
But even I could tell her words were filled with deplore

The stress and anxiety caused me to bite the inside of my cheeks would become sore
And the kids at school would push me around and call me a *****
As if it that awful word had no meaning, then school suddenly became a chore,
Almost clawing my way, refusing to go as I was pulled out the front door
"She was never like this, not even once before. She was such as sweet child, around when she was four...
But even when she was small she wished to be washed up dead ashore."
 Jun 2014 Delilah Summers
Dahlia
I used to think that sadness was beautiful,
But what is the point of it all? We're supposed to be youthful!
They said time and time over that it would pass, but to be truthful:
The feeling and expressing pain or sorrow for sins, it's all we feel: ruthful

So in the end, what is the point of life at all?
When all we do is sit around and bawl,
"I just wanted to be pretty Cristi, just like a doll!"
But isn't it more important to be happy, above all?

All I have been feeling for the past couple of years is pain,
Even though all I have wrapped around my neck is a golden chain
Rather than his clenched fingers restricting against my jugular vein,
With a voice in the back of my mind reminding me of my engraved Mark of Cain,
It begs and exclaims, and it can't seem to remain restrained,
But to ease me of my pain, they'd say: "Here, have a glass of Champagne."

Can't you see what this mystery is doing to me?
I can't seem to break the shackles that would set me free,
All I'm reminded of is of my unfinished Master's Degree.
"Is that all that matters to you?!" I dare to plea,
"But what about my happiness, or my hemophilia b?!"

Their expressions are forever carved in my mind: dropped jaws and widened eyes,
"If it is such a sin to be happy, can't one consider the act of decriminalize?!"
They'd all put up such a convincing and eerie disguise
As if it would turn back the clock to avoid their end, their demise
But I could tell by their silenced, hushed lips and snake eyes:
My inquiry deserved a Nobel prize

What was it about my question that turned my loved ones against me?
They wouldn't dare turn their heads my way, they'd continue to sip on their black tea
As if I were a ghost, or some sort of banshee
The loss of my sanity is what they could foresee

-
Mark of Cain: the mark that God set upon Cain now refers to a person's sinful nature

hemophilia b: a clotting disorder similar to hemophilia A but caused by a congenital deficiency of factor IX

banshee: (Irish folklore) a female spirit who wails to warn of impending death
Questions.
They can provide information or insight they can make things better or worse.
We all ask so many of them as simple as a child asking a parent or as complex as a student asking a professor.
Answers.
They're the response to all of our questions. They can be helpful or harmful, useful or useless.
Questions.
I ask the ones I don't want the answer to.
The way your pencil moves along the rough surface lightly at first as if it's floating just above it. The lines barely visible like footprints where fresh snow has fallen. The lines darken and take shape, your hand working more diligently now. The pencil racing across the vast landscape that is your paper, everyone who sees the result is amazed. But to you.....they're just lines on paper
That feeling.

The one you get when you see it through the ripped paper
The excitement, the anticipation, the passion.
When it's there right infront of you gleaming like light is absent from everything else you open it taking your time to peel apart the layers of complex packaging.
There it lies, it's what you've wanted for what seems like forever and now it's yours.
You learn everything about It. How it looks how it feels how it works. Everything inside and out. You never want to let it go. You don't let it go. If it breaks you fix it. It grows with you it becomes a part of you.
Your new toy.
the universe cries for me
I stare awestruck
numb and
poisoned
i'm sickened at what
once was
and i'm grieving
what is yet to
come.

I lay my flowers at
the grave
of those
who wrote before
me

and gently weep.
 May 2014 Delilah Summers
Dahlia
I cannot protect you from life's tough lessons
But I can support you by lending my hand

You won't be alone while I am by your side
For I am right there

I will take the hits like a tank
I'll provide healing with my love
I'll forever be by your side
Even when I'm ill

I cannot promise you that I will to take all the effects of heartaches, death, and pain
For those are what hurt the soul the most and make you never forget

But I can promise you that you are never alone
I will shine my light in your path so that you can find your way again

You are so beautiful, but lost in hurt and pain
You would like to be alone at times but you don't have to be while I'm there

Don't forget who you are, because you are so dear to me
Don't darken your soul because of what he failed to make you see
The amazing person that you are
Beautiful, and capable of so much

You don't need him to complete you
You don't need him to be happy  
For you are your own warm hearted soul so genuine and free
For my best friend who is going through a tough break up. I love you, and I know you will make it through this.
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