Addiction what a cruel thing.
To be entangled by the fiery flames of hell.
Oh, how short have we fallen?

I have seen many tumble into the same abyss myself included.
Deep dark pit of despair.
Always making you need to gasp for more air.

Every family has a Judas.

Or one family member may have an addiction, to later pass it on to their siblings.

All my life I have been a doer rather than a hearer.
The Lord is our Shepherd only if I let Him Shepherd me.
As He leads me to the boldness of His merciful love.


Once upon a time, I was at enmity with God.

Carnel mind & all.

Previously owned by the devil now I am a child of the Most High.


Do you know the Shepherd?

When I first moved to Seattle at age 21,

I had a vision.

My reasoning to recreate myself.

A longing to be an independent woman,

far away from my Father.

Thought I would change into this "glorious" being.

Ironically enough, I didn't change,

in fact, I became even worse off.



Didn't love anyone but me,

barely had much leftover for my family.

10 years later,

I am sitting here writing a story of 10 years wasted & drugged.

No solace just plenty of malice.



Found tons of photos in Dropbox tonight.

Stayed up all night so I could delete over 1,000.

By the time morning came,

the pictures left me depleted.

Along with people I've slept with & people I've met along the way.



Does this sound familiar to you?

Can you relate?

How many hearts I've broken,

now I include mine.

Even displayed the third eye in most of the photos.

Can't say I've reached the state of enlightenment.

There wasn't a time when I didn't have a drink or smoke on hand.



A plethora of vanity,

with no sanity sight.

I've pressed delete many times,

and still,

they'll always be stamped pressed in my mind.

Long lost memories.

Now please,

ask yourself how deep have you or will you continue to bury it?

This proved to myself how much I loathe who I used to be.



Externally I may have look happy & healthy.

Internally I was dying from all the mischief.

I believe it started at the age of 12 when I lost my Mother.

With no compassion for others.



WAKE UP!

Ladies & gentlemen,

time flies,

don't let Snapchat lie to you.

You aren't getting any younger,

you could just be getting uglier.

Take it from me,

there is no freedom in social media.

Just more demons,

when we really need more of Jesus.

"Things don't need to last forever to be perfect." - Daydream Nation

Can you recall when your innocence was lost?
Maybe it had to do with all the alcohol you've drunk?
Without knowing how to cope, resulting in night terrors.
Impenetrable, irreplaceable, imcombustable, irrevocable memories.

Trying to relive, revive past memories, experiences, pictures, and videos framed for all to see.
Memories etched into our brains like an etch-a-sketch board.

Do you remember the innocence you had as a child?
Whether coming home to a pre-cooked meal or riding your bike around aimlessly.

Storing memories in the attics of the mind.
A dark & dusty room filled with cobwebs,
Perhaps you'll find those packs of cigarettes you lost.

Similar to the stories in books or movies on Netflix.
Trapped between delusion & fictional fantasy.

We are the retrospective light - angelic humans.

Where do you run when your loneliness strikes?

It's just about midnight, while you stroll downtown glaring at the lights.

All over creation, I see the lust of the world,
while pride tries to draw me in.

Can't you see what PornHub has done?

As I sat in front of the garden of Eden,
I watched others stand in line waiting for their fruit.

Oh, how deceived I was.
Being ****** made the loneliness worse I was numb to it.
We're all lost,
overly using the wrong Messiah such an Urban Legend.

These apples had my heart but never caused me to Have A Heart.
I certainly almost surely died,
from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Admit it, we are all lonely.

We live in a current world where mental health is more important than ever.
Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication, sleeping pills.
Why must we depend on prescriptions to appease our emotions?
We have to be careful to not let these take over, but they already have.
Instead of treating these methods as a crutch to get through life, we must tread cautiously.
Taking ownership of our problems and worries are incredibly hard.
Believe me, I understand that. I’ve tried various methods to try & fix myself too.
But instead of numbing ourselves to the pain, we must face it.
You are not your anxiety. You are not your depression.
We can accept that these things are present in our lives without it consuming our identity.
I cannot stress how vital it is to release yourself
From negative people, toxic environments and even objects.
I know its easier said than done, but we’ve got to start somewhere.
How about we get hooked on truly discovering ourselves?