Spread out on worn silk sheets
Listening to Billie Holiday
A cup of tea goes cold
Wrapped together in one blanket
Turning two into one
Filling the small space with love
All on a Friday afternoon

Why isn't it a fairytale?
Why is it a horror show?

How am I suppose to go to sleep when you're crawling around my brain?
Picking and choosing memories to play for me
I rather have nightmares than spend another night dreaming about you.

Most people hoard items
I hoard memories
a leaf you picked up
a valentines day card you made
Most people hoard items
I hoard "I love you's"
The first "I love you" that was whispered on my roof
The last "I love you" that was screamed in your room at your mom's house
Most people try to explain away their hoarding
I can't do that I can't explain why I'm hoarding the past

I'm a shipwreck
Not a traditional wreck
No I'm shipwrecked on the beach
My lungs are full of sand
The sun is burning my eyes
I can't see the world around me
I don't want to go down with this ******* ship

I have blisters on my feet
From chasing after your "I love you's"
I asked the doctor if I was experiencing phantom voice syndrome
She just shrugged her shoulders and said "kid you can't live in the past forever"
But every time I pass the skid marks on the interstate I swear I hear you screaming
Now I have blisters on my feet
Chasing the voice of a ghost

I want to kiss the side of your neck and leave it at that
I want to leave warm kisses all over your neck
I want to turn a few minutes of making out into hours of finding love
I want to give you goosebumps, turning your skin into braille
Writing a poem about the ****** of our love

Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "I don't know"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "it's like drowning while someone stands two inches away from you screaming just swim"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "like an empty dark void"
Someone once asked me what it felt like to be depressed.
I replied "it feels like I'm screaming for help but everyone has me on mute"

Lying dormant for years
Hiding from shame and blame
The sun is slowly setting
Shunning the world that now sits in ruins
Loved ones are out of reach now
There's no more time for hiding
You have to fight back
**The time is now

The moonbeams cascade over me and wash me out.
Allowing me to become a silhouette, simply fading away.
The sea salt air wraps around me and whips my hair around me.
Walking into December ocean, my blood freezes.
A ghost smile forms on my face relishing in the last moments of life
The water is up to my neck and I can't feel my finger tips anymore
Taking one last look at the moon, allowing the bright moonbeams stream down on me. The wind blows and I allow it to push me into the frozen ocean. My lungs fill with salt water and my hair floats around me but I can still feel the sweet moonbeams on my frozen skin.

I dare you to tell the truth.
Tell the truth for once in your life
Stop telling everyone those sickly sweet lies everyone wants to hear
Tell the ******* truth.
I double dog dare you to tell the truth.
Tell the truth about that night
Stop telling everyone what they want to hear
Just tell the ******* truth
I dare you to tell the truth
I dare you
I dare you
I dare you
tell the truth

What if one day all the pictures you had of me suddenly didn't exist?
What if you heard my favorite song and you knew the words but you could't figure out why you knew the words? Would you write it off as it just being a catchy song or would you think, think about all the memories and all the laughter bubbling around you. Slowly suffocating you, forcing you to remember what you did to me. What would you do if you ran into my mother and you couldn't look her in the eye because you know what you did. It was never me, it was always you. It was give give give and take take take. Now I'm giving you every single memory because you can't feign memories, they'll always hold a candle light in the back of your mind

I burned every single thing
all the journals, all the pens
all the pillows
the blankets, the sheets
even my skin
if you touched it, I scorched it
I burnt everything until all I had left was a pile of smoldering black ash
I had to fight fire with fire or you would have turned me into rubble

I jump at ever single noise. I'm afraid of anything and everything
I just wish it wasn't like that

was it optional for you to do that?
for you to pretend to care
care about the stars
the moon
the milky way
was it optional for you to just pick what time was best
to tear me to shreds
3:12PM
6:48AM
12:02AM
11:12PM
was it an option
or did you plan this