There was a time i knew
exactly where i stood
God created life on earth
and everything was good

Just pray twice for every meal
read your bible without thinking
in case of questions: parents are right
and the church agrees with them

I want that back
i want to crawl inside my homophobic misogynistic childhood
stay there, not knowing i'll grow up to be a gay, powerful, woman
i never lost God while growing up
but i miss my faith in self righteousness

*It felt good, to know everything.

i stole your story
wrote poems about your heartbreak like it was mine
but somewhere in my self-afflicted agony
i forgot to ask how you are doing now

every atom is filled with empty space
that's how i got lost
the open spaces in my mind are haunting me
and i forgot where i always used to hide

i'm floating in a sea of fake emotions
don't know if there's one i should trust
should i scream or just stay quiet?
who would find me if i did?

There's echo's and tears
and i'm thinking of flames
but you can't burn
nothing

I always keep my nails long
long enough to don't need a knife
my skin is allways new and fresh
and not too far away from bleeding

I always write my dreams down
unless i have my nightmares
images i want to forget don't need words
they're burned on my mind forever

Sometimes when i chat
i do so, to not sell my soul
write words that make me likeable
pretend i am someone i wouldn't want to be

The things that never happened
are defining who i am
and even if i'd try to write them down they'd be boring
i wouldn't stay in your mind for a second
my story should remain untold

Don't say my name
i'm not real, anyway
don't say my name
or acknowledge my existance

I never happened
i'm just the shadow of a dream
something from an ancient story
a bad movie, a sad song

don't say my name
what you won't put into words
will not get real
or even fiction

It never happened, i'm just a stranger
you heared of me but
you would not recognise me if i
sat next to you in the bus station

Don't say my name
you may let me exist in your memories
but never in your stories
and never in your words

Don't say my name
and i will leave you alone

or will I?

perhaps i am a rose
meant to bloom up your living room
share beauty for a while
even if it means i'm dying

you threw the rose away
it would just remind you of how you got it
that's okay too
i'll share my beauty with the garbage

everything needs
to end
everything should stop
some day

but you didn't think
it would be this day
and you didn't think
it would be your life
ending
it always felt you
would live forever

but what if you were wrong all along?
this could be
your last day

what would you do next?

there's this small
evil part of me

hoping you will get a boyfriend
for you to be happy
make plans to get married

and then it all to fall apart

so i could visit you
and say
'i would have bought you
Ben and Jerry's
but you just don't seem

Sad enough'

I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you dreaming, if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe
you actually dumped me

I'm still calling you to see
to see what?
i don't know
but i keep calling
hoping for your voice

and maybe
next time you'll answer
tell me it's allright
and you will love me
forever
like you promised you would*

You stopped calling me to see
if i'm okay, when you're not around
Let me ask you if you love me
because i love the way you make it sound

I left my suitcase
unpacked for months
maybe i thought i could still fly back
you should be waiting for me somewhere

The world has lost it's way
it's so hard sometimes
I was in love with you
and you took that away

You should let me call you
tell me if you're okay when i'm not around
Asking if you love me
did i try to hard
to make you smile?

Never fall in love with a cloud

I saw you in the skies,
and i started loving you

However short i had seen you, i thought you were going to rain
And all i had to do was go outside, and let you soak me

I could imagine us going on dates, and hitting it off, and one day getting married

You'd be all around me, and i inside you
Time would stand still, and we would be together for a short forever

but you're a cloud
you just floated away

and now you're gone

I've seen other clouds
but they didn't seem right
even weeks later, i'm still hoping for your rain