Do you ever think that maybe
I am just a product of your fantasy?

Your imagination
Creating someone
almost perfect

almost close enough to touch you
almost sweet enough to kiss.

Do you ever imagine
that i am not real
but only product of your imagination?

And i envy your mind
being able to create me
and still having the patience
of only almost to meet

I haven't been able to sleep since the day i met you
that could have been a real problem
if only i met you

if only i could have stared into your eyes
without two webcams between us
or if i knew
how i felt
when our hands would accidentely touch

if only
i meet you
i'm sure i could sleep again

when the world seems to be falling apart
turn to the creator of things
He's listening
He's loving

And He'll take care of you
no mather what

i broke down 10 years ago
and i never lost the hope
of this world being
without me

i fell down a year ago
and i got to opportunity
of learning how to walk again
being adult

i got sick two months ago
and i got to see the world
time passing by
without me living it

i faced the truth only this week
my capability
of absolutely nothing

my whole world
slowly falling apart
very little pieces
even fighters
sometimes need a break

the black pain inside my bones keeps screaming
and i have nowehere left to hide

the consequence
of failing

of seeing your life
falling slowly apart

and i don't know why
the constant agony
the madness
the fear inside my longs

and i don't know why
i never asked
this question before

and i don't know how
i can stop asking

i don't know why
it's here at all

but what will happen if
i'll never get better?

you'll know already that you apologise tomorrow
for the things you'll do tonight
for the thing you'll say
for the things you won't say
for the things you cannot do

you're so broken
so tired
so much pain is hiding
in the inside of your bones

listen to my soundless screaming
listen to my verbless words
did you ever
experience this much hurt before?

and you know you'll apologise tomorrow
but tonight you'll scream inside
maybe hard enough to forget the pain
for just one
freaking second

't was years ago that i loved you
no, that's not true
i still love you
it's just years ago since i saw your pretty face

't was years ago that you broke me
you left me like broken pieces of a mirror when you cut me out of your life
that cut was hard, and it took me months to regain my shining

't was years ago that i heard from you
that doesn't mean i didn't check your twitter bi-monthly
and i remembered every detail of all the conversations we once had

't was years ago we talked
that one's is true
even though my heart-ache got less, i always kept missing you

today i found your letter
it doesn't matter you adressed it to the whole wide world
i still love you
and i will never see you again
but at least now i know that

you are really happy

i remember
the last day i was still whole
not knowing
the terrible facts of life

i remember
picking daisies , smiling happy
and i didn't know
the curse on my own family

i remember
that evil day in june
and words changed everything that ever mattered
and words slowly made me strong

the crystal clear tear stared at me from the cheek it was sliding on
i said: why do you care?
the tear just stared, and slowly fell down

as the tear touched the floor
it already was forgotten
but the cheek still was wet
and the mirror a silence witness

at the other end of the gate, the first rainbow in years was right in front of me
it was whole, i could see both it's endings
totally ignoring the storm

i stopped and staired
rainbow, who are you?

i remember the story of Noah
and God telling: never this again

in my own storm, in which i somehow didn't die...
the rainbow was my light at the end of a tunnel
God reminding me he was still in charge
and every rainbow was a reminder of how He saved me

as time passed, the rainbow got a different meaning
it showed the universe approving of diversity
a single gay-parade marching down from heaven

and again, years passed
and a rainbow looking down on me from higher skies
reminding me of....
of what?

i'm probaly still gay
and God is still in charge
and Noah... he was still the last to see a total flood

and it just struck me
how even God sometimes needs a rainbow in order to forget His anger
how big the mess in earthly storms

the rainbow slowly disappeared into the dark
but some day it will be there
to remind me
of something else