he wished her distance
were further
when I tried to step back
he pulled me in closer
assured me
I shouldn't retract
my hands from his lower torso
because the way my touch felt
allowed us to pretend
we had entered some parallel reality
where he was rendered free
to move about me
however he pleased
and though I was teasing
I remained ready
to make him feel completely at ease

There she goes again,
Running laps through my brain, though
No competition.

Worlds couldn't compare,
To the way she says my name,
Slipping out like silk.

You inspire me,
Just by being beautiful,
Your pure intention.

I'll never forget,
How kind you were to me then,
Your pure honesty.

"Five syllables here,
And seven syllables there,
Are you happy now?"

Yes I was, darling,
Because I was there with you,
And you were with me.

Cuz I'm just some girl,
Like I've told you once before,
Who really likes you.

I trudged away from the library
zippered up coat as i walked
put my hands in my pockets
keep warm

I walk past the metal grate
that leads to the source of wind
down the curb onto the lot

I see ahead
the glass behemoth
and metal structure
that holds lectures
and seats.
And beside this giant,
on the sidewalk below,
is the place
where i told you
"i love you"

We wrote our names in the snow
and connected them with a cross
i did my best to shape a heart around us
as you shaped my heart with your hands

We were embarrassed
when our friends almost saw,
but they trampled over it instead
not caring.
We laughed at this,
a sigh of relief.

Would it have been that bad?
probably not,
yet we feared being cute.
it was not befitting of our love

And now, the summer has melted away that time.
we grew a p a r t
as the sun shone down on us.
and as the autumn inhaled her icy breath,
we exhaled our last.

Nov 24, 2011

If I had died the night before I left
If after we went out to dinner (because you said we never go out and do nice things)
after I got tired of wearing a skirt and we got high and watched cartoons
If I had died that night, then I would still love you
If that night, while I was asleep, my heart had just
thump thump
thump thump
thump
thump

thump

stopped

then it would have loved you last.
You would hurt so bad, I know, and I'm so sorry
but you're hurting now anyway.
If I had died the night before I left
Then we would be frozen pristine

30 years from now you'd maybe remember me sometimes and think yes, I miss her.
But you would carry my love with you.

Even if I had died the night before I left, then I still wouldn't be able to fix you.
(I promise you don't deserve to hurt the way you do)
If I had died the night before I left, you would still love me.
I would be your patron saint, and everything I'd ever said would still hold my love
(I know you don't believe me, but you don't deserve to hurt the way you do).

If  I  had  died  the  night  before  I  left
I  wouldn't  ­have  abandoned  you.

you would sit by my bedside and hold my cold hands and you would know the last thing I thought of was you

if i had died the  night  before  i  left then I would be yours to keep
I would serve as a reminder that there is a spirit who eternally loves you
someone whose loved burned down so deep to their core that it stopped their heart
(i'm sorry)

If I had died the night before I left, all my promises would be safe and intact. If I had died the night before I left, I wouldn't be a disappointment, but a martyr.
The space in your head taken up by my name would not be a stain, but a battle scar.
(i'm sorry)

pardon my inadequacy,
i'm always two steps behind
or a mile ahead,
and yet i find myself drifting
along the sea of people,
catching parts of lost souls
and blurring corners of conversation

"I like your veins" was the first thing I
ever said to you.
You laughed and let me trace them
with my fingertips up your arm.
And then we couldn't stop. Everyone
in the crowded room seemed to watch.