i really just want you
to be proud of me.

i know that
one day
i will be okay
and that
will be the end
of you.

do not
leave me alone here
no matter how much
i tell you to go

i am nothing if
not just my mistakes,
with bones.

i will wear a cheap suit
to your dinner party
and hit on your wife
by accident.

sorry.
im just so tired of pretending
id rather just be.
Confident
Sad.
Arrogant.
Alone.

when you are those things
you just are.
and when you want to be
youre just toxic.

i am green.
with poison and absence
of anything someone would call
normal life experience.  
i cant tell *** from tequila
but i will drink them both
if offered.

i thought i found
heaven on the queensway,
it was really just a cable boy,
who wants to make music.