I am not my demons
They are made entirely of me.

They are the cruelties I've suffered,
Presenting themselves like tornados through small towns.

Towns that don't seem like much at a passing glance,
But who's residents never doubt
The beauty and potential it holds
If only you stay long enough to notice it.

But how can anyone see the beauty in towns
That are forever being brought to ruins.
At the mercy of something as destructive
And unpredictable
As a **** tornado?

Can't you just pretend that I am what you want?

You're not easy to read, and that scares the hell out of me.

Because you see, I'm a writer.
And when I can't read one's story, I begin to feign my own.

And well, I've never had a happy ending.

The truth is, regardless of how badly I want to, I can't find it in me to risk saying to you all the things I so badly want you to know. It's risky.

I know exactly what I want to say,
The words constantly dance
At the tip of my tongue
Always at the worst times.

But whenever a window of opportunity opens
My mouth forgets what it's purpose is
And my brain forgets what words are
Or what they even mean
And my heart forgets to beat at a safe pace
Instead threatening to ****** itself out of my chest
And into your face
And how could that not scare you off?

I cannot scare you off

So I tell you never mind
And I hate myself a little more
As I let my ear press against your chest
Somehow allowing all my life's worries to subside
With that the window slams shut.

I can't risk this.
You bring a calmness to the hours of my life
That are otherwise a hurricane of sorts
And well, I'm not trained in swimming
I always only drown

I should have tried harder to be better. Instead I was myself.

You'll never love me now.

I can't stop setting myself up for failure.