Her words sound detached
     distant, far away
     as though he is listening
     without the telephone
Her voice seems lost
     lonely, afraid
     as though she is isolated
     from the world
Her soul seems faded
     worn, ripped
     as though she's fought hard
     but never won
Her eyes looks dim
     weary, tired
     as though what she's seen
     broke her apart

Maybe I got too used to you
The way you laugh and smile
Maybe I got too used to your voice
The way you whisper in my ear
Maybe I got too used to how you breathe
The steady rise and fall of your chest
Maybe I got too used to your hands
The way they cradle my smaller ones
Maybe I got too used to your heart
The scars and all the secrets it holds
Maybe I just go too used to you
And that's why we fell apart

Sometimes I forget
Just how lonely I am
Then I see a couple
Holding hands
Or best friends
Laughing hysterically
And I'm jolted back
To dark reality
And I remember
I am completely alone

disconnected
can barely feel skin
under fingertips of ice
and bones of lead
eyes that hide
under heavy lids
viewing life
through hazy focus
recollection is tricky
memories slip through
the holes of a sieve
a heartbeat felt throughout
all encompassing

Stuck in your eyes
Trapped in the sea
Of passion, of blue
The swirling emotion
Paralyzed to the core
Unable to move
Caught in your gaze
Lit brightly with love
Twinkling in the night
As you move closer
Breathing changes
Heartbeat races
The room fades away
All that's left is you

Those eyes
            They shone like silver
                               In the pale moonlight
                                                              And still
She walked away

Her heart
           Though hopeless and weak
                             In the cold midnight
                                                             Hurt dreadfully
As she turned away

His gaze
          Burned her back
                            In the damp twilight
                                                            But still
She could not stay

His heart
          Broke into pieces
                          In the bitter dawns light
                                                           Never once more
To be whole again

I'm happy* says my smile
Couldn't be better says my eyes
I'm great says my voice
So content says my sigh

I'm tired says my heart
Can't sleep says my mind
I'm broken says my soul
I'm breaking apart and ready to resign

How do I tell you all those difficult things?
How am I to let you know?
The words don't come
And the phrases are hard
They get stuck in my throat
How do I say we can't be together?
How do I get the words out?
My thoughts are lost
And hard to find
They evade my every grasp
How do I not break your heart?
How am I to know?
I always seem
To let you down
And cause you so much pain

Each word she writes
Is a cry of despair
A plea, a tear
She's being held together
By the words
She writes

Each word he sings
Is a chorus of pain
An appeal, a claim
He's being bound together
By the words
He sings

They do not realise
The hidden meanings
Behind their words
All they see is lines
Scrawled on paper
All they hear is sounds
Floating in the air
They are missing
The messages
That are hidden
Deep inside
Each word

I may be smiling
But in reality I’m close to tears
I may be trying
But it doesn't quench my fears
The monsters don’t sleep under my bed
They sleep inside my head
And I’m too scared to say it
So I hide behind a smile

I should've known
She would capture you
As you seem to
Fall in and out of love
So easily
Whereas
I'm still holding on
Still falling for
Still in love with you

Sometimes
It's just easier to pretend
I'm okay
Than to explain why I'm not...

Why do I always put myself through the pain of falling for the wrong guy over and over? The one I know I can never have. I'll never be good enough, or pretty enough for them, and yet I fall anyway, and each time hurts more than the last. I cry myself to sleep wondering where I go wrong. Why do they always go for the girls who are so perfect? they never spare me a glance. I think I'll always live in a cycle of falling for the wrong guy and always be alone...

I exist because of you
Not for you
I was born into this world because of you
Not for you
I am alive because of you
Not for you

My life is for no one but myself
You have no claim over me or my choices
You do not get to decide what I do, who I love, who I am
There is no piece of me that is obligated to do anything for you

I will not sit with knees shut and ankles crossed
I will not speak with a quiet voice
I will not bow to those who decide they have more power
I will not do anything just because you want me to

I will sit how I please
I will go where I want
I will take up space
I will scream and cry and make noise
You cannot stop me
You cannot force me down
You cannot make me play by your rules

Because I do not exist for you
I exist for me

The tears are there
Threatening to fall
I’m choking back sobs
And reinforcing my walls

These late nights
Won’t stop bringing me down
The darkness and quiet
Seep into my mind

I can’t control my thoughts
Most of you
Others of what has been
Things we've gone through

I can’t fight the monsters
Stuck inside my soul
They slowly break me down
And turn me cold

These late nights
Will carry on happening
Because I can't find the words
To express the things I think

*these late nights are slowly killing me...

Stupid girl
He doesn't care
Stop wishing
And dreaming
Foolish girl
No one loves you
Stop fantasizing
And believing
Because nothing
Absolutely nothing
Will ever happen

He no longer h a n g s
On her every word
And for that she is thankful
He no longer p i n e s
For her presence
And for that she marvels
He no longer w a i t s
With bated breath
And for that she is pleased
He no longer l o v e s
Her wounded soul
And for that she is grateful

You do not know
How my heart aches
For all the grievances
I have caused you
You do not know
How my soul breaks
For all the sorrows
I have given you
You do not know
How my mind throbs
For all of the pain
I have bestowed on you

Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Why think of me when there are
Plenty of other girls out there too

They are prettier and smarter
And better in every way
And yet you say you think of me
Each minute of everyday

I’m insecure and doubtful
In everything I do
And yet you say it’s me
That’s in your head through and through

Your way too good for me
In every single way
Why stoop lower to be with me
And stick to black and grey

You could have any assortment of colours
But you choose the least of them all
I can’t be the one you want
I’ll only cause you to fall

Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Out of all the colours in the world
There are plenty better for you

How do I stop the voices swirling around in my head?

few predicted a golden autumn pause
and
the return of a great irony
showed a in a life overlooked

if life longs for a charming
but
parasitic lifestyle,
unsustainable and damaging,
the planet will not mitigate the small things

growth will be put into deep freeze
to fight another day
and
a glimpse of existence will shake overnight

When you jokingly said
you're already broken
You had no idea
Just how right you were
When you teasingly voiced
you're quite a mess
You really didn't know
The truth in those words

I long to be loved
The way only
A true gentleman can
To be held
Like I am precious
And prized
I long for the touch
Of a caressing hand
The brush of gentle lips
To be told
Again and again
That I am beautiful
I long for the words
Of passion and devotion
Meant only for me
To be breathed in
As though I am
The air needed to live
I long to be dreamed of
Day and night
Every waking moment
To be the last thing
Seen at night
And the first in the morning
I long to be seen
With caring, warm eyes
Which see my bare soul
To be whispered to
In the crowds
So only I can hear
**I long
Oh, I truly long
I long to be loved

I don't need to make
The same mistakes
As I've already done
I don't need to go back there again
And I don't want to
Hurt you one more time
Cause I've already been there
And it killed me, it killed me

*Don't want to make the same mistakes

I know you're out there
somewhere
Waiting for me
Just like I'm waiting for you
Maybe your around the corner
Or in full view
Just don't lose hope
Like I have begun to
Hold on for me
Hold on for us
please please please
I need you to believe
For both of us
Because I don't know
How much longer I can last

don't touch me
not like that
soft and gentle
strokes of light
i can't bring in air
my lungs won't work
when your thumb
circles on my skin
it makes me think
of what could be

don't look at me
not like that
sparkling and bright
with subtle winks
i can't stop the blush
from spreading
cheeks red and warm
heart tight
it makes me think
with hope

don't hold me
not like that
both tight and loose
with warm hands
circling and resting
on hips and knees
heart beating faster
right out of my chest
it makes me think
of night time affairs

so just please don't
because i'm already
half way in love

I'm so confused
And I don't know what to do
Friends to awkward
In a sentence or two

Why'd you do it?
I wish you left it alone
So we could go back to before
When it felt like home

Now I feel misplaced
In a world where I don't belong
A cat without a tail
Some lyrics without a song

Stuck in the dark
With no where to go
I think I'll stay right here
Without you and alone

listen
to a sunflower
as they tell you
their story

do not think upon
the facts
such as their height
their common colour
their strength

instead remember observing
van gogh
rivera
gauguin
so you may truly understand

why

my lover is a sunflower

summer days
                                       wishes floating away
                                                                              on the breezes that tug my hair

i'm sitting in the dark
afraid of what i feel
how much more can i take
i've no time to heal
the longer i'm alone
the longer i will burn
in the sorrows of my soul
do i ever learn?
i need to stop thinking
feeling or breathing
i need to build those walls
before i start falling
but maybe it's too late
the damage is already done
i've broken into pieces
the demons have won

I've been searching my brain for the right things to say.
I am beyond furious, beyond upset and completely over not doing anything.
On one side of the world, a whole country is on fire.
On the other, cities are under water.
All over the globe we are losing thousands to climate change.
Thousands of people, thousands of animals, thousands of plants.
The only thing our earth has tried to do for us, is sustain us and this is how we repay her?
For all her kindness towards us, we have completely disrespected and hurt her.
We know there are options out there for change.
Ways to live cleaner, more sustainable lives and yet, we continue in our greedy, selfish, hurtful ways.
Ignoring those who stand up for the earth.
Ignoring the routes that will lead us to environmental freedom.
Ignoring the solutions that are ready and available for use.
We are a power hungry society.
Determined to spend our lives the easiest way possible, regardless of the effects it has.
Stop putting your heads in the ground.
Stop pretending everything is okay.
Look around you and see the truth.
Reflect upon your own lives and see where you can make a change and then do it.
Don't just think about it.
Do it.
Create action.
Create change.
At least try.
Because tomorrow could be too late.

If you don't want to hear it, then don't read it.
Don't follow me.
Don't friend me.
Don't listen to me.
But I will continue to raise my voice.
I will scream and shout until my lungs run out of air and my voice has no sound.
Then, I will scream some more.
On their own, it doesn't seem like one person can make much of a difference.
It certainly doesn't feel like it and yet, it's still worth trying.
Because although one on their own seems minuscule, every little piece helps.
We have to start somewhere and soon one may become two or three or more.
Soon change will be in the air and together we will fight for what is right.
Together we will be heard.
Together we will make a difference.

Donate.
Support.
Sign petitions.
Join protests.
Spread awareness.
Live cleaner.
Choose sustainability.
Choose the earth.
Choose yourselves.
Choose to create a life and a world safer for you to live in.

Live with intention.

I am broken
Just as you are
And I want to fix you
But how can I?
When I am just as shattered as you?
You are broken
Just as I am
And you want to fix me
But how can you?
When you are just as fractured as me?
*We are broken

I need something
To stop me from feeling
So I pick up the bottle
Throw back the pills
Sharpen my razor
And prepare to drown...

I don't think you realize
That all my poetry is about you
In someway you've influenced each piece
Like part of your soul is hiding in my words

Turns out
I'm not as fine
As I let you believe
I hide behind
The walls of stone
I've built high
I run from everything
My emotions
My fears
My pain
I can't seem
To handle the things
I pretend to
Turns out
I'm falling
Into despair
And I'm hiding
The truth
Behind lies..

i'm getting kinda sick of love.......

Every time I feel the tears
Come closer to the surface
I breathe deeply, blink quickly
And make sure they don't fall
I can't afford to show
All of this weakness
This vulnerability
That they all tell me to hide
I have to be strong, be firm
And never let them see
That inside I am dying
And slowly crumbling
Until soon there will be
*Nothing left of me

I am braver than you think
I am stronger than I seem
Smarter than you know
And as beautiful as I allow myself to be
I have let go of the past
Embraced new horizons
And by finding my soul
I’ve come to believe a little more

did you ever really love me?
or was it all just a game to you?

You want to know why I'm always alone? Because I choose to be this way, it's easier like this. I've lived a life of ******* stuff up and hurting people, so it's easier to be alone because then I can only hurt myself. It also makes it easier to push my feelings aside and pretend I don't care. When other people get involved I tend to get to emotional and then I ruin everything. Soon people stop hanging around me and then they stop trusting me. So it's a choice. It's my choice. I choose not to get involved so people remain unhurt and protected from me.