i’ll probably stumble to the driveway
before the stars are all done shining
find a place still open
where the locals are unwinding

i got a fresh pack and a pocket of cash
ready to spend my last check
on the first girl that looks my way
forgetting all the word she’ll say
doesn’t matter, we’ll be gone by day

i know a lot of people
upset with the way i’m living
but i’ve never been known
for making good decisions

i want a love that likes laying in my bed
wasting time but never losing tread
i want a love that can play me in pool
lose a game and then play it cool
(but in a cute way)

i want a love that will love me
when i’m too drunk and hug me
let me know that everything will be okay
let me know there’s another day
when this one’s done
and the rising sun
isn’t something to run
from but something to see beauty in

i want a love i can reciprocate
i want to be ready while i wait
for you to get ready for our date.
i want to love the way you hate
the toppings on our pizza
or how the Uber was late

i want a love the loves me
that feels the things above me
realizes I’m more than
my mental fallacies
and looks past all i am
to see what i can be

the mornings always hurt too much
for the night to feel worth it
i’m broken and you’re a crutch
but in the moment it felt perfect

i think too much when i’m all alone
memories stinging like a funny bone
i think too much when i’m by myself
i’m just another toy left on the shelf

embellishing my relevance
your eloquence is heaven sent
the aggressive postulant’s sentiment
flattered, yes. accept my dissent

beneath the plastic clacking
i’m laughing. too attached
to girls moving backwards
and making eye contact
they burn with the passion i lack

i think i built a crane
to lift the things i can’t
a wagon to carry my baggage
a ***** pack for my angst
a tote for all my love
backpack for the parts i hate
i drag these bags around
i take them to the bank

i had a dream
and the only reason i could believe
it wasn’t real is that you were with me

still nestled in the night before
I dreamt of you driving
me wild

blackout drunk and wrecked
a heartbeat felt in texas
a text, a match, a fire
a speck of ash that met an ember
and burned the whole casket

stretched and pulled a tendon
left on read, it’s open ended
just elipses when i sent it
never ending “just depends..”
dead before it just begun
i wish i kept it in my head
this whole stanzas overdone
just wanted someone to come home to

you feel different, my love
you feel like remembering a password
you thought you forgot
pushing on the ceiling above
wishing it would all just cave in
maybe it’s the pavement i felt
erasing a welt, a bruise replaced
by embers just waiting to melt
my heart and my face
you pulled me away
from my personal hell

i lost my edge along the way
sanded down to a subtle gray
saturated, the colors drain out
until the day i blow my brains out

ghost kings in the fog
maintaining my momentum
in the monoliths

the roads closer to home are still slick
with the tightly packed snow protected
by shadows
but, sometimes, that soft crunch, despite the
danger, is still preferred to the gritty grind
of salt on ice

he washed until the water ran cold. he scrubbed until the sponge was smooth as satin. the unscathed stack of ***** dishes
just relax backed in the sink laughing at him.

i am only an idea
to perch and take flight
without so much as shifting
a single barren twig

I could be better
But I could be dead
There’s a lot of things I wish I never said
I could be happier
But I could be mad
There’s things I never said that I wish I had

turning bread into toast
peanut butter and jam
the part I miss the most
veraciously out of hand
I’ve been tying to slow it down
I’ve been counting through my breaths
distance found it difficult
to dwarf the pain that’s left

i see things things i don’t mean
and say things that nobody else does
maybe someone with a college degree
can make sense of this digital buzz

i’ll meet you where you might meet me
sandy scales of ocean water become your feet
the only memories of us I felt worthy to keep
skinny jeans and anxiety in corpus christi
you made me forget myself on the beach

a spider in every corner
a crow on every street light
the golden sunset
its brazen rays on industrial style housing
the summer heat subsides this evening
and a breeze rides down, cool relief
in the land of the morning calm

with the demeanor of a centipede
you intervene and impede on everything
interpreting what i mean
your sympathy is a foreign thing
i’ve never seen an evil being
be so in touch with what i’m feeling

like ivory split on wooden planks
she whispered to the cloud
thanks
for watering the plant
from the very seeds she planted

you left a crease inside my jeans
everything’s less scary than it seems
maybe the ends justify the means
but i still see strangers in my dreams

i closed my eyes
and felt the want sunrise
but i opened my eyes
to see my own demise

i am making every attempt
to become more numb
to feel less
for all the darkness spent
the tip of my thumb
a spiders web

i like lo-fi
she whispered under sunrise breath
in agreement, i spent the remainder
of the morning soaring into heaven

i have felt the asphalt against my face
i have prayed and then played the same game
i have made friends and in the same breath
replaced them with an empty space
and in the hopes of status or capital gained
i have laid in wedlock against soft lace
and felt infidelity’s bittersweet embrace
i have  sinned in the face of grace
and i only wish i had taped it

my hand cramps
as my sanity scans
the sand for strands
of the aforementioned man

waiting for responses
despondent correspondence
doctrine traditionally dictates dialogue
a little less lack luster
i pray i can make a statement
with at least every other word i muster

i felt a breeze
for a brief, squeezing second
beneath the leaves
of fall, led to believe
you felt the same
and maybe nothing came
besides me
alone with my phone in the other hand

my brother may leave soon
but he has been gone a while
somewhere west of kyiv
and south of things unsaid

my eyes meet your baby blue gaze
“nice to meet your face”, they say
my heart keeps a pace
adjacent to a train racing
to replace itself and sound and light
and if he attacks me
i hope it is not tonight

in my indulgence
i dove inside
her scent of home
i felt justified
to be alone.

when she broke my stride
i tripped and fell
and i watched the scabs decide
which bones to reside in

i spent a day away
and after that, all i can say
is i felt the distance like a scab
itching for a hurt you never had

how tucking dumb of me to think my absence
would make your heart grow fonder
imagine my surprise when you found
delight at the sight of me underground

should i shroud myself
in the great, grey?
your display will claim there’s
something wrong with me

i hate you
splitting beds with me
spitting lies through teeth
gritted against other men beneath
your sheets, uncertainly
lack of self esteem. in me.
you never denied it
when i said you cheated

let this page be my escape
let the paper make an umbrella
let it scare away the rain
let me only hit my pillow
and not a bottle full of pain
let me wake up in my own bed
let me feel less insane.

i am frozen water
you sway in every way
you can to keep at bay
the rays the sun displays

i’ll decide where my cyanide should hide
not surprised by grey clouds in the night sky
i’m tired of trying to define the outline
time to find a way to stop being me.

between your hips
licking and living
until i can’t feel my lips
is exactly where i want to exist