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Cassie Jun 2021
Are you the enemy
Dressed in sheep's clothing

Or just a scared sheep baring its teeth
That my eyes mistook for a wolf

I don't know

I don't know
Cassie Aug 2018
Sit with me
By the river
Beneath the stars

Tell me all the things
I don't want to hear
In a voice softer than the whisper of the water wisping pasts the stones our toe tips touch

I want to hear a voice to the things that want to make the least noise
I want you
Even if the sounds we make are not always beautiful
Even if it doesn't sound like water wisping past stones in a river
Cassie Sep 2018
i just don't want anyone to hurt
like i've hurt
and i've never even really been hurt
that badly so
sometimes the world feels
unbearable
if that makes any sense
at all
And I am so, so sorry to anyone who has ever been, like, really hurt by life. I've been relatively lucky. It's just crazy how nothing is "fair". Sometimes it keeps me up at night and causes a good bit of my anxiety. It's just hard to live in a world where you can be, even a really, really, good person, and still get the worst life had to offer.
Cassie Nov 2013
i want you in every way
internally
with a movment of hips
externally
strokes from fingertips
spiritually
our bodies but mere shells
enompassing souls that tap on chest cavities
i mistook it for my heart fluttering
i don't believe in love at first sight
but it was something
i fear it was
old souls reconnecting
Cassie Jan 2019
It's funny
Maybe a bit ironic
That I've cared so much about having a perfect appearance in the past
That I am now completely uninterested in trying to look even presentable
If I cannot find the energy to put into looking my best
If I can't muster it, I put no energy in

Anything half-assed and I feel I look like a joke, and I feel more embarrassed than going makeupless

I know I'm being needlessly rough on myself
But at times, I think, not rough enough

A battle,
It always seems to be a battle
Between polar opposites
Cassie Jan 2018
avoidance
isolation

my protector
my savior

and the knife that cuts too deeply the softest parts of me
Cassie Jul 2013
I have found happiness in solitude
The more I love myself, the less I love you
I anxiously await your return from work
Only have my heart lurch up my throat as the world, so you perceive, spits on you
I've spent too much of my time
My money
My positive energy
Myself
On you
Only for you to realize that
Nobody will love you the way that I do
You've changed your ways
It's far too late
But I can't let go
You told me if I did we would have wasted our youth
At times I feel I already have
What do I have to lose
Cassie Jan 2018
I never felt more complete when I was with you
Which meant I never felt more incomplete than when you left
Please, don't fill my mind with ideas
Of you coming back
Of us being us again
I am just starting to feel like
Maybe I could be whole on my own
Cassie Oct 2021
You called me **** drunk again and asked me if I ever thought maybe I'd died and this was the afterlife

I said no

Not because I was done with your "pseudo-deep" questions and theories

Like you telling me how hard it is to be an empath after you got done ******* on me

But because I didn't want to tell you what I really thought

If there is an afterlife, you'd think it'd be kind of fair at least. I've done nothing to deserve this level of hell.

The level of hell you cornered me into.
Cassie Sep 2018
alcohol
it's the devil
i swear upon my own future grave

it whispers in your ear like sin
(perhaps that's because that is it's other name)

it tells you
"i'll make you forget about what ails you, off to sleep I'll sail you"
but restless waking and sleep i'll give you, it forgets to mention

but maybe it didn't lie,
you just refused to remember it

or perhaps you did, but it was worth the temporary renderment

after night upon night of retching it's poision, the thoughts flooding back from your stomach
you remember, you always come back to your footing
and each step is little more painful than it was the night before, and you can't seem to get used to it

but please, you must remember, you must avoid the temptation,

you can overcome anything
you have overcome everything
you thought you never could
thus far

you have come this far

refuse, refuse to let alcohol, or anything else, become your end

(be it physically or emotionally)

you are worth the mending
and like a muscle
each time you exercise the discomfort
(in these terms of loving yourself, in refusing numbing these feelings, which you must remember, are a part of yourself)

it will hurt less

it will become easier

it will be worth it.
Cassie Jan 2019
it feels like
the effort and love I put forth
is not reciprocated
but I know I too, need my breaks

I can't tell if I am being too forgiving
or too harsh
it feels like I give everything I have in me and receive little in return from the person who means most to me a lot of the time right now.
Cassie Jun 2019
I can't write when I want to
Only when I need to
Cassie Sep 2019
I saw bars around me and thought "prison"
Just realized it was a cradle
And I could climb out whenever I decided to
Cassie Jul 2018
I guess
To be honest
I'm a little bit broken
And I don't feel like home
But maybe, if I make it warm enough
And I build up my four walls strong enough
I may be
Cassie Dec 2018
And there we sat
Strained against the woodgrain
Eyes, limbs
And I can't remember the words that left your lips
But everything in me wanted to stay forever and never have met you all at once
And I slammed our story shut quicker than I could slam the door to that tiny apartment

I'm sorry we couldn't be what we thought we could be

I'm sorry I refuse to open that door ever again
Cassie Aug 2018
She was a poet and he didn't even know it
She didn't share, she was scared he wouldn't care
and she'd be left broken

He had a heart but he was too afraid to show it
He didn't share, he was scared one day she wouldn't be there
and he'd be left broken

They thought they were protecting themselves in their shells but really, they were only tearing themselves and each other apart.

The human heart, at least sometimes, has a funny way trying to help but ultimately sabotaging itself.
Cassie Oct 2018
I'm too sensitive for others

Sometimes I just think I'd be better off alone for the rest of my years
Cassie Jun 2021
Maybe I can be the girl you want me to be

If I always get a chance to fall asleep after you so I get a chance to cry and comfort myself if I need to

If you look away long enough for me to sneak a chill pill

If you can accept my tenseness because I'm too afraid to shake in front of you

If you can take me slowly changing, losing my kindness and softness

To cater to your calloused heart

And probably, all of this would still not be enough
I left 2 days ago because this relationship was eating me up, at least the way it was going, but I'm absolutely ******* heartbroken. I can't stop sobbing and thinking I was wrong or too sensitive. I told him what would hurt me and he would say I'm too sensitive, or say he had every right to be frustrated at me, but I was working my **** off to make sure he's okay and happy. And then he'd lash out on me when he was stressed. And somehow would make it seem like if only I did "x" he wouldn't be as stressed. But even when I get that thing accomplished, it's onto the next issue with me. I feel not good enough a lot of the time when I'm with him. I wish my heart understood this is what I need to do.
Cassie Sep 2018
I really think sometimes
I was born to be an artist

This brain
This heart
These sleepless nights

But these hands
Tremble through every art piece
And spasm across strings
throat or instrument
And the words I write
I know, aren't as good as they feel getting out

But
I must remember
That's what art is
Art is your soul escaping you

Even if the end product, you can't stand to look at or listen to

Art is soul escaping from body

And if you

Or I in this matter

Can't appreciate that

Well, you thought you knew what art was

But you don't
Cassie Sep 2018
I will lick my own wounds, but thank you
nobody else has seemed to get a handle of it

I lick until there's no blood left
Then some
Then some more
Until I'm bleeding again

I don't know why but,
Sometimes when I get a cut
I crave the taste of blood
For some reason, the only way I deal with things is on my own (until I've been stuck in my head for so many days and I break down and let someone else in). I think it's caused more harm than good to be honest.

Also, for some reason when I find myself in a bad spot mentally, I sometimes can't help but spin/wallow in it. It feels like a part of me that I've been trying to hide, so I sort of give in and listen to sad/moody music and poetry and whatnot. And then I'll end up getting emotional over the songs/words on top of already feeling emotional/down. Just something weird I do (and I feel like a lot of others do too).
Cassie Oct 2014
I just want to meet someone who loves me as much as I hate myself.
I just want to love someone else as much as I hate myself.
Cassie Jul 2013
I have a little brother
A complicated soul a few years below
Stubborn, competive, stone cold
His eyes burn with the intent of ******
Lips twist into an irreversible pout for the smallest of reasons
He scares me
We're both quiet
So I don't know what to say
I've never even asked him "how are you? how's your day?"
Because I would get little to no response
That's where the conversation would end
I've never been one to start them
I fear my own awkwardness
I'm sorry little brother
not really a poem. i feel like a bad person, but I'm just horribly awkward and bad at conversation in general.
Cassie Dec 2013
its mornings when the cold stings my nose
and the smoke fizzling off the end of my cigarette
burns my bloodshot eyes
that i can't see a thing out of because i just took my contacts out after passing out with them in that i remember
i am ******
and the world is still
just as frigid and grey as before
but it is early
and i will shut the world out in blackeness
bury myself beneath covers
and pray for blue skies once i open my eyes
but anything will be contrast against
the view of my inner eyelids
Cassie Oct 2021
There's a special place in my heart for people like you

The one that makes me not trust genuinely nice people

The one that makes me feel like I will never be good enough

The one that makes me feel undeserving of love
Cassie Mar 2018
His words were flowers disguised as bullets
And she spoke in flowers that hid the knives beneath her tongue
And they lived like this until she could no longer hold the taste of blood in her mouth
Cassie Jun 2018
I want to feel beautiful but
I don't want it to take
Skin and bones (but still **** and ***) to achieve it

I am heartbroken for the majority of me that used to believe my only worth in this world
Was to be a pretty thing

That my thoughts really didn't matter
My feelings, my tears, should be hidden
Beneath shame and bruises
Whatever it took, as long as it was kept inside
Rather than surface
And possibly be perceived as ugly

I am me
This is my skin
This is the stuff beneath it
****** and (maybe) ugly

But maybe,
Beneath it,
One of the most beautiful things that can be found in this world
Something to be seen beyond eyes
Something to be revered despite public disgust

And maybe, just maybe
It didn't matter whether it was pretty or not after all
Cassie Aug 2018
you think you know
how loud this voice goes
how low
you haven't the slightest clue
the damage I could do
when you hurt what this heart gaurds
Cassie Nov 2018
I don't want to be like this

Hopeless for no good reason
Anxious for nothing
Sitting on my *** worrying myself to bits when I know for a fact getting up and doing something would help

I'm sorry
Cassie Nov 2018
Cigarettes on a wooden porch and it's pouring
And I've got a paperback and half a pack still left
The pages of the paperback are thin and stiff
And give off that smell
Like the rain releasing the scent of the dirt and grass from the earth
Just older

Honey,

I'm home.
Cassie May 2018
You know what

Take it

Just take it

Take all that I have left
Swallow it
And **** it out

Tell me
It upset your stomach

While I stand with ****** hands hiding the hole in my chest
Cassie Apr 2016
i used to believe in magic
Cassie Aug 2018
You hate me,
don't you?
and I'm not pretty enough
to fight for,
I know
I'm sorry I could never be what you deserve

and maybe the saddest part
is that I could have been
if only I pushed myself harder

but then my face would be pressed so far into the ground
my bones would have broken
flesh would have peeled from my face

where
is the in-between
I've never lived it
But I know that,
That is where I would thrive

I dream of it,

It waltzes on my lips, between the folds of my never tired brain

And that place, I fear more than anything, is the one state
I'll never have the gas to get to
The worst part is this is all in my head. The person had never really done or said anything to make me feel this way. It's just my own feelings of inadequacy.

Thinking more about it though, I wrote this about a current relationship, but the feelings were definitely old fears sparked by a past relationship (my first and longest to date).
Cassie Mar 2020
Sometimes I think my long (ish) lost love has come back
That maybe she realized we were good together
We could be by each other's sides forever

That maybe we both realized we didn't need men to be princesses or queens

But I feel hesitant

Because she is too much like me

Locking onto a person who forces her to become a better being

And what if we can't hold each other accountable for what we want to be held accountable to be?

I love her too much

I can't even risk the possibly
Cassie May 2014
all i need from you is
a heartbeat to hear and
a touch to feel
Cassie Dec 2017
When you black out drunk with a nice guy/this guy you can't really stand when he's drunk/he drinks a bit/a bit too much
And you congratulate yourself for not sleeping with him in your drunken state
And then he texts you the next day
"Are you on birth control?"
And your stomach drops
And you're compelled to ask
"Why..I blacked out..did we sleep together?"
And your phone buzzes
And you get the "yeah lol"
And your self throbs with the echoes of yesterday's mistakes
And your grip on this world ends and you need to find your footing again, again
Too bad I'm not a guy so I can take pride in this (I mean hey, I had ***, that's not a bad thing, the drinking was the bad thing, yet I hold the most shame in the ***).
Cassie Oct 2017
Honey, I know the signs
It's not the weight leaving that makes me want to cry when I look at you
It's the luster gone from your hair
Your smile
Your eyes
Despite an ever-widening smile
I know that smile well
Honey, when I see you, all my mind can come up with is "you are the most beautiful soul I know, please take care of yourself"
Please, fuel it
Please, don't believe yourself
You are a goddess and you deserve every bite of Mac n cheese you've refused yourself
Cassie Dec 2017
would you ever expect a girl who loves so hard
to hate herself?
or would it be very obvious?
Cassie Apr 2017
honey, you can't save anyone but yourself and honey,
nobody can save you but yourself.
Cassie Sep 2018
I never want them
To know I struggled

They loved me so much

But I want others to know I have struggled despite this love
A part of me feels at least a good little amount of people could relate to this feeling. I feel very guilty for being sad/anxious despite the love and support I receive.
Cassie Oct 2016
i hate the way i say "i love you"
before even finishing the i
i am waiting on you
to tell me not what i need you to know
but what i needed to hear
Cassie Sep 2017
The people I love are breaking
Crumpling to soddy pulp in the rain, waiting to be washed down the drain
And/or waiting to catch fire in the sun
And I don't know if it's the full moon or the eclipse
But I'm scared

It's coming.
Cassie Aug 2018
why do we stay
for people who would not do the same
if we did what they were doing to us
to them?
Cassie Jan 2017
"what a beautiful day"
I say from the stale side of the window pane
I retreat beneath my sheets
Cassie Jan 2017
You felt like home
You kicked me out
Now I'm afraid to go back to my own house
Forced to construct a home of my own with nothing but ****** knees and the shirt on my back
But despite the weather I weathered through it
It takes twice as much work to get this place warm
But I'm finding it's well worth it
Cassie Feb 2016
The roar of a fireplace takes place in my chest sans the scalding temperature
The fire sustains me yet I fashion myself its master
Cassie Aug 2014
the only thing that my future guarantees
is that i will still be haunted by its uncertainty
and plagued by a past spent with my fists clenched trying to enjoy the present
Cassie Aug 2016
More than anything I would love to find my other half
To stand in an empty room, knowing I have grasped her hand and pulled her in and up from the depths
To look in the mirror and see the only person who makes me complete
Cassie May 2019
I'm stronger than you think, you know.

I will bloom despite the snow.
Cassie Feb 2014
i miss you when i am out of states
wishing i were the sewer grate that could catch the muck beneath your shoes because though i can enthuse you
i can't bring myself to accuse you
of the things my mind has made up
and maybe its the alcohol but i am enthralled by
the memory of you
worthy of poem as
fresh dew on
freshly packed snow
melting in the sun's tired rays
Cassie Jul 2019
I wish I could make you understand

How much I trust you

But also how much I love you

And how much I worry

When you slur your words
or your "tells" come out.

I don't know what to do.
I don't want to accuse you but I don't want to let you slip back into being addicted to something

I wish I had the brain and the heart to sleuth it out.

But I'm too tired right now.

And I am so sorry for the both of us.
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