I fell in love with the first eyes that locked on mine,
and yours were a crystal blue and reminded me of a cool afternoon,
and I found myself swimming laps in your eyes while your words had me wrapped around your finger.
I'm dangerously in love with you.

*-c.a.

YOU PLANTED A SEED IN MY VEIN FROM THE MOMENT WE FIRST MET AND THAT SEED IS NOW A TREE THAT HAS BLOSSOMED INTO MY HEART AND YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS BUT IT IS BEARING A FRUIT THAT I’M DYING TO GIVE TO YOU SO PLEASE WON’T YOU COME FOR A TASTE*

*-c.a.

I have these scars on my heart, my hand and my back
I'm writing your name like it is the alphabet
Carved on my back
making me bleed and feel like crap.

Trying to make you permanent
although you never will be
You always disappear before I can get a hold
You were never there when I needed you the most
You left me there, lying on the cold floor
You promised you wouldn't hurt me
or never ever leave me.
Why did you go?
You promised me.

I should have known,
should have listened to the people that were there for me.
I gave myself to you.
I thought you were the one.

It makes me scream
makes me cry
makes my head hurt
makes me want to die.

I trusted you
I loved you
I gave you my all.
But you were there long enough to take it
and watch me fall.

I love you,
I hate you.
I need you,
I don't want you.

You used to be the sunshine
but now you are the lightning that strikes
and pains me deep in my heart.

And that's how I'm going to die
By being broken inside.

*-c.a.

I want to arrange the alphabet in so many different ways, just to bring a smile to your face.

*-c.a.

I really wish that you could be me.
I'm not being conceited here just read.
I wish that you could be me just so that you could have the chance to talk to you, so you could know the way the earth's tidal waves of motions play with your emotions and know when the steady ground that you walk on turns into rocky mountains on unexpected occasions and even though you are wearing flip flops, you still try to climb them.
I wish that you could be me just so that you could actually really see yourself.
See the way that pretty isn't just an adjective but a way a being and that you're being the only way you know how to be and pretty can't even begin to describe the way you are and so many have given up after pretty, so so pretty.
And I wish that you could be me so you could hear yourself sing, so you can hear the way your voice travels through those octaves like its on a summer road trip with no hurry, with a set destination but no time limit.
Your voice is like skipping through a meadow while doing hard drugs.
It's getting you high but so very peaceful at the same time
And I know you may not like your size but I think its great, you could fit in a suitcase, I could pack you up and take you to Maine, imagine all the adventures that we'll take.
I wish you could be me so you could see yourself when you're sad, so you can see that this body, your mind and your soul is some astral projection made in the cosmic heaven above and you may think that you deserve all this pain but you are made up of stardust and tiny planets, you have a whole universe inside of you and nobody deserves any pain.

I wish you could be me so you can see how much you mean to me.

*-c.a.

I don't know why but I think
that drinking after someone is great.
It's almost as if the person says
"my germs are yours."

*-c.a.

Slipping in and out of consciousness
Nausea is back, hold on a sec
I run to the room to spew my troubles
Hoping that this will be the last
I venture back to my room
Back on my bed
Trying to get comfortable
Before having to get up again

*-c.a.

Death is a scary thing.
Maybe it's the idea that one no longer holds no obligations to anyone

like the shock of electricity sent through your veins
a murmur went through the hallway
a phrase composed of several words was being forced out of everyone's lips
almost as if they didn't get them out there would be no room for air to come in
and if you can imagine the soulless look of vultures feeding
imagine the look of teenagers seeding
thoughts of you to others that aren't true but who knows except you
only you can verify the fact that you are the one that tried to attack
the monsters in your head by going through your wrist
or maybe by opening a door to your head with a bullet as a key
but these teenagers are ruthless, no they wont stop
they'll find some way to pick off all the meat
get to the nitty gritty, find the bone and just leave
for ***** sake why do they just leave
help why am I scared of people like me

*-c.a.

MY BODY IS WEIRD BECAUSE I HAVE FLOWERS GROWING FROM MY RIB CAGE AND DOODLES ON MY BRAIN, I THINK AT SPEEDS OF 90 MPH AND I CAN’T CONCENTRATE, MY HEART IS CONSTANTLY RACING MY LUNGS AND MY BREATHING IS OFF AND ELECTRICITY FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS SO TELL ME HOW ALL THIS IS OK*

*-c.a.

I want to draw.
I want to paint.
I want to make music.
I just want to create.
Create something tangible.
Maybe create something magical.
I want to create something that will last.
But more importantly, I want to be remembered for creating that one magical thing.

*-c.a.

AND I DON’T EVER WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME AND I KNOW THAT MAYBE YOU DON’T WANT ME RIGHT NOW BUT I NEED YOU BAD, SO AT 3 AM WHEN YOU’RE ALONE AND YOU’RE THINKING SAD THOUGHTS I WANT YOU TO THINK HAPPY ONES INSTEAD, SO AT 8 AM I CAN TELL YOU ALL THE REASONS WHY I’M HAPPY YOU’RE NOT DEAD. *

*-c.a.

One morning I awoke to my father telling me that he didn't love my mother any less than yesterday and that it was not her fault.
He told me that relationships are fragile things and that they can complicate life but they also make it so much better.
He said not to judge her nor myself for it will be all in vain.
Time would be better spent focusing on the positives instead of the negatives.
He told me to live a simple life and to look for the good in people.

*-c.a.

you make me feel uncomfortable in the best way because there are butterflies in every part of me and only you can set them free and I can't really explain what you do to my heart except that it goes from oh hey how you doing to OH HEY ASDFGHJKL HOW YOU DOING in less than 2.5 seconds and I don't really know how I feel about you, all that I know is that I feel everything about you and there are a thousand and one reasons why you shouldn't fall in love with me but I hope that you ignore every single one.

I don't really know what I am.
My head is a mess that has been stomped all over.
My thoughts have been trampled and my wants have been crushed.
My heart is a graveyard where old loves have died;
incapable of living in my complicated life.
My legs are sore from walking countless miles to get what I desire.
And let's face it, I'm a mess with complicated heart palpitations and an honest to God crazy imagination.
I don't really know what I am
or who I am,
All I know is that I matter and I might not know how or why
but I know that I do.

*-c.a.

It was at 4 am that you told me humans need at least 6 hours of sleep to function properly.

I didn't sleep that day and neither did you.

6 months later and I saw you again. We talked. You told me you've been getting 7 hours of sleep and I told you that I'm lucky if I get 2.  

*-c.a.

Dream on dreamer
Accomplish what is needed
Go on with life
Live like you should
But be careful of the storms

Keep out of the way
Hold on tight
I think we're going for a ride

Death holds you by the reigns
And life pulls you along
When everything changes
Nothing can be wrong

Magic in the air
Fire in our hearts
This is a revolution
Don't try and stop us now.

*-c.a.

Why is time considered an accurate measure of love when you can
love someone with all you heart for one year
but then slowly as time goes by they no longer love you

*-c.a.

I guess we could agree on one thing.
I’m afraid of a lot of things like,
the inexpiable,
the questionable and the unreasonable.
I like to be able to hold something
To be able to see it, hear it, touch it, smell it, and maybe taste it.
I like things to have a reason for its creation.

*-c.a.

What do you do when you've met someone but you haven't physically?

What do you do when that someone loves you?

What do you do when that someone asks if you love them?

Do you say yes and lead them on because you've never met?

Or do you say no because you've never met?

So then tell me what to do when you say "i love you" to that person but then realize you didn't mean to?

Do you cease conversations in hopes that they'll forget about you?

Or do you continue conversations and slowly rip their heart out bit by bit?


What do you do?

*-c.a.

I don't think you understand the effect you have on me.
Weeks turn into currents and months into oceans.
And for once I don't want any other fish in the sea.

*-c.a.

AND I'M SORRY THAT WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME IT COMES OUT LIKE A WHISPER AND THAT A SMALL SMILE IS ALL I CAN AFFORD, BECAUSE YOUR NAME WRAPS AROUND MY TONGUE AND YOU STOP MY PULSE*

*-c.a.