so I didn’t know just how wrong
I really was.
Let you ***** me all up-
all it took was one night
one half hour
one open window.

What a joke,
that half hour how I loved it
how I loved you.

Just a kid even though
I swore up and down
left and right
that I wasn’t.
I was really so
grown up.

What a delusion.
None of it was true, I was
just a fifteen year old girl
who thought she might be
special.
Just a girl who thought
she meant something to you.

Not true.
You left and I was left to be
messed up in the mind
******* up in the head
heart mangled.
Never fully healed and still unable
to say a complete goodbye
to loving you.

is just a word used
to describe me.
You don’t look
long enough at me to really
see though.

I didn’t laugh when I realized
what I was.
It wasn’t new, I knew
how my mind worked.
The word wasn’t new either.
Just the label of being a
psychopath.

The insanity of my sanity
has long since made me
comfortable relaxed amused by my
wild
untamable
uncaring traits.

Who I am
what I am-
it taunts me so dearly,
never leaving my mind.

Resting in the crooks
corners
nooks
that my mind has available.

don’t realise how straight
they keep me.
My mind is tightly drawn,
on the brink of being
gone.

Rather it be night
but not the kind you’re
thinking of.
Everyone keeps me awake,
the small things they do
they remember
they show
giving me a break
from the constant hate.

Hate from within
won’t leave as easily as you think
you see.
I have to struggle to put it
behind me
locked up
hidden
from sight all the time.