I don't know why I did it.
It just seemed right.
The pain,
The addiction,
The feeling of grief that I just can't fight...
Though I do know why I did it:
The depression,
The sadness,
The heartache,
The madness,
The memories of trauma,
The ecstasy of panic,
The bitterness of anger,
A mind gone manic.
You told me I was crazy,
That I could never be happy,
That I was insane.
Now you keep me caged,
So you can play with my brain.
White rooms with white doors,
White ceilings with white floors,
I was locked inside a white palace,
I was ******* caged inside a white palace.
I can still feel the needles,
Leaving and entering my skin as they pleased.
I can still remember the nurses,
Looking at me as if I were diseased.
I wanted to get out,
I would scream at them,
But it was like I was speaking in tongues,
Trying to tell them that I was okay,
But their monotonous reply:
"Not today."
If only I had ended it all in the beginning,
I wouldn't be here anyway.
I felt like a lab rat,
Tested and controlled.
I had no feelings or voice,
I was just another speculatory exhibit,
A rat in a cage without a choice.
I felt like a prisoner,
Kept under constant watch
In a jail full of other inmates,
Contaminating the place with their moods of melancholy,
Some not knowing what awaits.
I remember wandering the lonely corridors,
And looking out a thick glass window,
Thinking of the world outside,
And the hot cement below.
I hadn't seen the sun for what seemed like years,
I longed for my love to dry my tears,
But my love had left me on the eve of my arrival here.
Finally the day came when I was released.
I had escaped!
Pale, shaken, and slightly aged,
But even after I inhaled my first fresh breath of freedom,
I was still caged.
Dedicated to those of us that have been institutionalized. I wrote this in 2008 during my first stay.