I guess this is me
Open, inviting
Face up, arms spread
To the heavens
The stars
Only you, solid hunks of fire and ice
Can pound out and alleviate my sins
And lord, have I sinned
Gave everything away for nothing in return
A promise made to one who didn't deserve it
A decision made that could never be undone
Why by the cow when you can have the milk for free?
Silly metaphors, silly questions
For a pain so real and raw
A surgery started but not completed
A body left open, skin peeled away
Vulnerable
I can't help taking it all
All your good, your bad
Your moans, your cries, your sighs
Do with me what you will
I care too much to fight
I am too soft
Too sensitive, too open
I'll be broken before I know it
...
I fear I already am

You.
Are.
Beautiful.
I wish you could see
The strength of your own beauty
Freckles, bright blue eyes, wispy strands of hair framing a beloved face
A gentle smile, the kindest of smiles
I love nothing more than a kind smile
Laugh lines and battle scars
They all add up to who you are
And you are beautiful
And you are made all the more beautiful because of what you are inside
Your inner light is so bright
So beautiful
So glowing
You positively sparkle
A peak at your eyes can show you that much
See it there? That little gleam? The glisten of your infinitely beautiful soul?
I see it, you know
We all do
If only you could too
If only you could feel the tender love I feel for you
How much I wish I could make you love yourself as I love you
How all I want is for you to be kind to yourself
Because I know how hard it is to be your own worst enemy
And you, my dear, are too kind to be anyone's enemy
Let alone your own
So I beg you to look a little closer at yourself
And look at all the people who love you, at those who surround you
They're drawn to your gentle, shining, sparkling beauty
Like moths to a beautiful and kind light
You are so precious to all of us
You are a blessing and a gift
You are beautiful
You are beautiful not for just one particular thing,
But for everything
You are beautiful in all that you are
And you are loved

I felt beautiful
Weird, right?
For me at least
Then I saw her
The one you really love
Not just your second choice
She shines like the sun
And she was beautiful in her pining for you
And I was wretched in my shame
She is beautiful, pure, pristine
And I am ugly, *****, unclean
I tried to take what wasn't mine
I hate myself more for wanting you still
Why do I delude myself into thinking you would choose me?
Over her?
Impossible
I can't even have the pleasure of a daydream
For it is too far-fetched,
Even for me,
To dream that you would choose me over her
Dreamer that I am
I no longer even have that escape
And I just can't understand
What would make you change the way you act towards me
You, romantic of all romantics, acting like any other boy
That makes me think
That I must be worse than any other girl
Because why am I not good enough for your sentimental love?
The love that I crave more than anything
Barely a week, and you broke my heart
It was crash and burn, just like I knew it would be
But I dived in anyway
Foolish girl, foolish me
Living out a pre-conceived tragedy
But you wanted me
That much is true
But it's not enough
Not for me
Its just not enough
I want all of you
I want to hold your hand
Push your hair off your forehead
Feel your arms tighten around me
Be on the receiving end of all your smiles
Be the one you talk about to your friends
Be the girl you post those silly quotes about
I thought that...
No, I hoped that you might fall
Since I was so willing
But maybe this is my fault
Cause I never let you see
The inside, the layers, of what I wanted us to be
And then there's that hope again
That this was all a miscommunication
That you'll call me again
But then I remind myself of her
And her shining, golden beauty
And I remember me
My anxious, awkward insecurity
And I fall back down again
It's enough that my stomach is in knots
And I can't eat
Because every time I do the food is thrown up the incline, thrashed around a loop-dee-loop, and back down again
Hope & Despair
Locked in a desperate tango
Marching their way through my body
Leaving me cold, shaking, tearful, awake, and lonely
But it's my own fault
I shouldn't have gone for what I knew I could never have