Does it hurt you like it hurts me?
Who knew words could burn so deep.
Alone in the night, emotions on the edge.
Do you feel it too? The emptiness where you belong, at my side.
I fear the answer; for I know it well enough.
For you it isn't me, it's her. The one you see, the one you touch.
But I'd do anything to see you smile. It's the reason I say I'm still around.
They ask me who I'm trying to convince, because they see my true desire.
I want you to want me. Except not the way you do.
Because the me that you see isn't who I am.
I'm a lost soul in this crazy world. Denying the desires, just to stay strong.
Because I feel that it's wrong. But only because I know it's unequal.
I say it's okay; biggest lie I could speak.
But admitting my true emotions is weak in my eyes.
Because vulnerability isn't strength; only an open wound awaiting the salt.
She knows it too, or maybe she doesn't.
Either way nothing will change.
So I'll push through it and keep displaying a straight face.
As long as she's happy, my emotions are as they stand. Untouched and unspoken.

I made myself a darkroom
and hid myself in it
Working with the chemicals
that harmed me
developing what I pictured
as beauty

coming out of of my darkroom
holding the image with my excited hands
set it down
then
I waited
and waited
till someone would pass by
see what I saw as beautiful
then
only to hear
"what the hell is that?'

To be candid.
Serendipitous?
No.
Tonight,
Is a late night
It's a sad night.
I'm sad,
I'm increasingly so
I'm devastatingly so.
And no one knows,
I can't say
I wouldn't say.
The things that make this happen,
It's just me
This has always been me.
Late nights with only words,
They toss and turn
And I toss and turn with them.

They told me not to get involved
                 it wasn't for me to be meddle
Don't say anything
                 it will blow over
I didn't say a thing

She giggled and laughed
                he smiled and flirted
I was told not to say anything
                this can be skirted
I didn't say a thing

I was told to keep quiet
                "you don't want to lose him
because he thinks you're clingy"
                 I shouldn't have listened
I didn't say a thing

I lost what was mine
                 to a girl with no morals
she took off with his heart
                 and left me regretful
*I wish I said something

I lie beside you
breathing

I try to remember
thinking

I want to give
feeling

I can't help you
loving

And still I lie beside you
the world in my head
still revolving, turning
as it grinds away my brain

You lie beside me
blissfully unaware
of the insanity that approaches me
creeping

If only you would tell me to breathe
and stop thinking
because you have a funny feeling
and you think it is me you love

All this inside me
while I lie beside you
breathing
and feeling
and thinking
and loving
someone who may not love me.

I have a book.
            In this book I keep my heart.
    My heart was inked with a quill.
A quill made of a peacock feather.
                    This feather I found in the rain.
In the rain is also where I found you.
                                            found love.
I bet you didn't know it...
*but you are the author of that book