New Year's Eve
2 minutes to midnight
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It's a new year
But it's a scary year
Every year
It's just been back to the same thing
Back to school
Back to friends
Back to boring

This year,
everything is changing
Back to school
till May
April showers
Bring high school graduations

4th of July fireworks
Fade into freshman year
of college.
College
I've always dreamed of this
But it's so close
And I want a redo

Because it's been
almost a whole year
since you left
and I sit
and think of you
everyday

We were supposed to do this
together.
But you left.

-r.y.s

Classic fairy tales
Always start with once upon a time
Then somewhere a princess is put in danger
A little later her knight in shinning armor
Comes riding in
Saves her
They live happily ever after.

**** that.

I never enjoyed those stories
I never understood why the princess didn't help herself
I always resolved to never need saving
And yet, I never realized why they were always saved
Because humans need each other
I need to be saved.

Not in the knight in shining armor way
But I need someone to be there
I need someone to hold me
When night comes
At three am when I'm screaming at myself
At four am when I'm crying in my bathroom floor
At five am when I pass out and have nightmares
At six am when I wake up exhausted
At six pm when I come home and collapse

I never wanted to be that damsel in distress
But I never realized that in order to heal
Someone has to push me.

- r.y.s

I've decided
I'll conquer the world.
All that's stopping
me
is my lack of
words.
I guess
I'll find the
words
when I hold
them in my hands,
just like I plan
to hold the world.

-r.y.s

I can't put down
(No matter how hard I try)
The way I feel
(I feel so much)
In words
(Letters arranged in different ways)
There just isn't enough
(No matter how many dictionaries I scour)
Words
(Funny, kind, smart, loving, love, like)
And no matter what I do
(And I do so much)
I can't seem to find
(And I look everywhere)
The right words
(I think love isn't enough)
To describe the feelings
(They are more like galaxies)
That I feel for you
(I love you)

-r.y.s

I want to **** myself
Everyday
Every hour
Every second
And yet I haven't
Because every time the thought occurs
The aftermath seems to play out in my head

I don't want to be
the acknowledgment at the beginning
of a book i'll never read
  to my sister
  to my friend
  to my lover
  gone to soon
  i wish you could read this

I don't want to be
the sad news story that everyone hears
and wishes it weren't real
  a 17 year old
  young and bright
  lots of friends
  left behind family
  greatly missed amongst us all

I don't want to break
my already broken family
even if they are breaking me
  lost a sister
  lost a cousin
  lost a daughter
  sadness engulfs them all
  two families split back to four

I want to leave
And I'll never believe
The world loves me so much
That it will stop in place
Because I take my life
But even if
It's only half the truth
This idea of the aftermath
That would occur
Should I stop my breathing
I'll keep breathing
In
Out
In
Out
Just to see the world continue turning

-r.y.s

I chase the thought of you
Not like school girls get chased by boys
But the way you chase liquor
With something
Quick
Fast
And just as bitter

I turn you away
Not because I don't enjoy you
But the way you bring sadness
Along with
Pain
Tears
And ******* madness

-r.y.s