I wish I could take others' pain upon myself
So that my suffering wasn't so useless

If life could be more simple,
                Maybe my heart wouldn't be so brittle,
                         If happiness didn't come with a cost,
                                                            Maybe I wouldn't always be so lost,
               And if dreams didn't exist,
Maybe life wouldn't be so hard to resist.

I was starving in
Pennsylvania.
One night, I had
enough.
Done with it all.
The poverty and
sickness.
The drunken mad
nights
and dog-fight days.
Brutality for breakfast.
Served sunny side up
runny yolks with
butterflies trapped in
the yellow sunshine.
Spiders built webs in
my soul.

I stood on the torn-up
couch in my living room and
yelled at the walls.

Listen, you devil.
You want me, you better be
ready for a fight.
I paced the floor like a
washed-up heavyweight champ,
eyeing the ceiling like a
drunken sparrow in a cat's mouth.

I don't know why I cried,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                  
when you walked away,                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt like we had died,                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
long before that dark day                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
    I think I was still holding                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                        
on to a sweet memory                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
as I felt my heart folding,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                     closing in around me                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
It had really hit me,                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                 
that our love was gone                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
and I would then be                                                               ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­      
forever lonely & alone                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
My heart was aching                                                           ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                
and no one really cared,                                                           ­                                     
                                                                ­                                              
inside I was shaking,                                                         ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
broken & scared                                                           ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                  
We both knew it was coming                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­
but let it happen anyway,                                                          ­                
                                                ­                                                                
both hell- bent on burning                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                     
the one we loved in every way                                                              ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
a lesson worth learning                                                         ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­              
look at what we've done today

I went in search of love
which was not there.
But what I found
was truly rare,
made my search worthwhile.

For I found -

      A protector
      A guide
      A friend
      A brother.

Between life and death,
lies an empty space,
a playground for love
where hearts run wild.