i write about leaving and forgetting and finally breathing at least;
but go ahead and call my poetry a liar
they were just hopeless attempt to dug you out of my skin anyway
skip several months later and now it’s been a year and we don’t even say hi
now i missed your birthday by weeks
and i wish i could turn back the time but i couldn’t
last year i was so unsure but at least i was so in love with you
i wish i could go back to those months when i thought you loved me too but i couldn’t
but i couldn’t

how do i say "i miss you"
in a way that will make your heart ache
as much as mine does

i look at myself from distance and
i look like a stranger.
i am nothing like
i imagine myself to be.
i am not special.
i hurt people

so when i tell you my tarot deck
keeps screaming LACK OF CLOSURE,
i don't mean it as a metaphor.
i mean that i might hide inside my poems,
but you always knew where to find me.

this one is for you
this is my apology
it's not a haiku