I have spent months of my life, hour by hour, poured over studying psychology.

My test grades reflect skill. I search textbooks and case studies like my own personal bible.

I memorize vocabulary like a mantra, I cite diagnostic characteristics like poems.

I can’t find a chapter in my textbook on why I cannot sleep at night when the air smells the same way it did this time 6 years ago.

No vocabulary explains why me and my father haven’t been the same since I was a child, my teacher will never tell me why I haven’t fit into my body for years.

I will never write an essay using the scientific method to study why my body will never release what has happened to it.

You are the main character of your own story, so you better start acting the part.

Love.
Hate.
Grieve.

Treat yourself.
Boast shamelessly.
Feel pretty.

Be childish.
Be emotional.
Be angsty.

Be human.
Be you.
Just be.

Honestly
You are my best friend
I love that we can call
And talk about nothing
And everything
All at once
Over the span of thirty minutes

I love that we can do anything
And enjoy doing it
Because we are together

I love that we can go on long walks
And it's like we are the only people in the world
Because we are best friends

So many women
have tried to change you

she said with her head
on my shoulder

as rain pellets battered
the windshield

and red-orange strips
of celluloid

flashed in my mind
jumpy jittery

but beautiful
nonetheless

I thought we buried this alive but my fingers are raw and ***** from digging just to find an empty casket; it died long before we could ever bury it, and no amount of dirt or digging or wood and nails could ever bring it to life again

it died a unceremonious death, no one aware enough to mourn it because they didn’t know it was dead

we sat with the corpse because that was how it lived; silent and still but with a unfamiliar stench that everyone around can smell, but never know

if no one is mourning it, did it ever die?

She is strong
She pulled herself through strong winds,
Roots gripping the earth, refusing to break.
She survived with little care,
Drinking from the silence,
Holding on when no hands reached out.

She never complained about the thirst,
Welcoming the sun, even when it burned.
She learned to bloom in shadows,
Happy with the little attention she received.

She stayed, even when neglected,
Spreading fresh air to breathe,
A silent companion when no one else was around.
A quiet strength, unseen yet unwavering.

She stopped withering away.
She adapted.
She grew.
She became more than survival—
She became life itself.