someone
pull
the blinds
drawn

it’s
getting
dark
again

we used to draw sharks
on our living room floor,
and run away laughing
when it was time to clean up.

we’d sit at the curb
a block away from home,
consuming junk food and stories
no one will ever know of.

u were the baby of the family,
a constant reminder that i had to grow.
and ur name even came from me,
a responsibility i will always adore.

i’m sorry if life has failed u,
i can’t help the regrets that come rushing in, knowing in my heart that i tried,
but u just weren’t mine to save.

i wish we could stay in the past forever
ur hand in mine as we crossed the road,
i wish the innocence stayed in ur eyes longer,
but now it’s time i let u grow.

don’t hold
my brokenness
with your
bare skin

i wouldn’t
want u
to cut
yourself.

i’ll live my past a million times over,
and face the same demons in a battle,
i’ll relish the pain, nicking out old scars,
if it means there’ll be u today and forever.

loving u
makes me
hate myself
a little less

u come to me
so naturally,
almost like
breathing.

one day i would pack up my things,
and leave u a note by the door.
and everything u thought i’d stay for,
will be gone in a couple of words.

i always feared this would happen,
still, for u, i tried anyway,
to ignore the calls of wandering,
but a leaver never stays.

in sleepless nights
i dream of u
wide awake.

and when my lips meet urs,
will they know they’re home?

i’ve been called
every word
but never
lovely

today i was granted
this sense of solace
that maybe
in some other world
fate wasn't as cruel
to the both of us

that maybe
somewhere out there
existing freely
in the unknown
is a version of you and i
who ended up making it.

and if he’s
finally happy
please,
nobody tell me

let me wonder
in secret
what he’s become
and how
it came to be

don't flood me
with memories
or burden me
with regret

on how he’s got
everything
he’s ever wanted
and i wasn't there
to see it.

as i writhe
in the devil’s grasp
and the eternal
flames of tarnation

from the depths
of my obsidian heart
lord, grant this sinner
her salvation

should i be tried
in the court of god
my only crime
was to live this life

and shall at last
the verdict comes
i’ll embrace the abyss
with open arms.

there’s an
impostor
in the mirror
and she has
my smile.

and for the
first time
in a
long time,
the girl
who stays
by the
exit sign,
closed
the door.

my fear
of mediocrity
sabotages
every opportunity
i have
of leaving it.

should i wake up
and find
that this has all
been a dream

i’ll close my eyes
and lay here
even if none of u
should reappear.

i was always
the poet
until
u turned me
into the poem.

i told him how
happiness has always
evaded me

and then he
chased it down
and handed it to me.

i’ll see you tomorrow,
will you still be there?