How do I make sense
Of the longing inside me
Of the groaning and panting
Of the restlessness that won't let me sleep?

I feel overwhelmed by sorrow
I feel out of place where I am
Where is my place here on earth?
Where do I find me?

Please find me.

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

ive started to keep almost everything to myself
they dont care so i dont tell anyone else
my thoughts they stay to me where they belong they dont make much sense sometimes
judgement isnt what i need
it doesnt make me strong
i go through alot in my own mind
things arnt so clear right
i wonder off alot of the time