I was home alone
and i got the call from my best friend
i wouldn't have been able to understand her
unless i knew her as well as i did.
She was sobbing.
I told her "I'm coming".
She didn't live that far away
i grabbed my bike and started going
the whole time with one hand
the other holding the phone
her crying on the other end
i've never heard my best friend cry
not like this.
I reached her house and there was many cars
i ran inside and found her instantly
she was in her parents room
our other best friend there too.
I went to her and asked her what was wrong
and why there was so many people here
she grabbed me and held on for dear life
she cried out
"My dad's dead, i found him."
i looked at her
and i saw the most pain in her eyes
that i have ever saw
in anything
or anyone.
Her cries sounded like she was dying
i knew she felt like it.
She said she went to his house with her sister
she went in first
she found him and dropped to the floor
her sister came in next
i could here her sister crying from the other room
i felt sadness in the house like it was crashing down on my shoulders
Her fragile heart was broke
it was all i could do to hold her together
The three of us sat there and cried
remembering.
To this day i can still see the sadness in her eyes
it closely resembles mine
but i would hold her together as long as i could.
She's one of the strongest people i know.
So i will be strong for her.

At the age of five
she had big blue eyes
and never left her mother side
and loved to see her daddy and mother smile.
At the age of seven
her long blonde hair was all the way down to her hips
she saw her sister with the curly blonde hair at her shoulders
and told her mom she wanted it cut.
Her mom cried when she cut it to her ears.
At the age of ten she entered third grade
with short hair
and a loving smile.
The boy she liked then told her to check yes
or no on a note if she wanted to date him.
She checked yes and spent the whole day smiling.
She was thirteen her hair now past her shoulders
and her eyes covered in makeup
but it still didn't work to keep the boy
that she checked yes for.
At age 15
her hair is now long and her eyes are now dull.
she spends most of her time in her room
staring at herself in the mirror
and picking out every flaw
then covering up what she can
with makeup
she barely goes to school
she hasn't seen her mom and dad smile at each other anymore
and now her mom has way more things to cry about
than cut hair
she has given up on boys
even the one who wrote her poems instead of boxes to check.
Age 16
and she has wrote her last poem
for the boy who never did her any harm
then decided she had one more note to write
but left it unfinished.
Because she couldn't hold on any longer.

I'd give up on myself before i gave up on you.

She smelled like vanilla in the winter.
Smelt like flowers in the spring.
Smelt like nectarines in the summer.
Smelled in the fall like wind.
You knew all this because you loved her through it all.

I thought about burning all my poems about you
but then i realized
my hands would be burned instead.

If convinced my therapist
that i'm fine.
If i can do that,
then why can't i look in your eyes?
I told her that i was fine that you're gone,
so why do i still play that song?
I convinced her that i don't need medicine to be happy
so why do i need alcohol drugs to fall asleep?
If i can convince my therapist,
then why can't i convince myself.

Her hair curled
wiping like the wind.
Her eyes were the night sky
lite up
with the pulse of lightening.
Her heat beat to the thunder.
She danced along the sky line,
cloudy storm eyes crying
for the flowers begging for rain,
for her heart crying out in pain.
You touch her skin
and its as electric
as lightening.
But she fades just as fast.
Leaving you with only the sound of her thunder laugh.
As she fades off into the distance
blowing away with the wind.