Squintin' at the moon
I feel so lonesome
moodily morose
and positively pensive
Cool light is beamin' down
Chills me to the bone and soul
not so very uneasily
Just a bit lonesome.

I need a bit of warmth for my belly
So very late at night
Won't you be so kind, good sir,
To rest a while, share a drink?
I know your mama said don't take candy from strangers
But we're both just travelers
on our long and dusty roads
Come over to my side
and walk with me for a while.

If beer dulls a memory
brand sets it burning
but wine is the best for a sad soul's yearning,
What can I get you? Tonight I'm drinking wine, the very best.
Share a glass of memory with me, bitter and sweet.

Let us gaze back together.

Do you remember the three hour drive back from the choir retreat?
I'd baked cookies for you and everyone, but forgot them in the trunk of the minivan. When I came back, you'd stolen my seat in the sweet spot and doomed me to the front passenger seat by the parent driver and a kink in my neck. You didn't even eat my lemon bars. Everyone loves lemon bars.
We listened to three hours of pop music. It all sounded the same, except Ed Sheeran's A Team. You had to explain why it was so, er, salacious. I got it subconsciously, I was just to tired to understand the lyrics just then. I'll never forget the look you gave me when I initially protested the song's innocence.

Do you remember how we used to argue every day?
We were both used to being right, I think. I can especially recall convincing you that nothing could be proven. That disappointed me. I wanted to be disproven.
I remember debating the concept of infinity, and the shock of being proven to be, quite conclusively, wrong. You were smug; I was chagrin-full.

Do you remember the first time we danced?
You didn't know what to do, and I was two inches taller than you in killer heels. I kicked them off to dance on the grimy sticky floor, to put you more at ease. It's tough being taller than the boys at your high school.
Then my only friend there left, and you and your best friend went upstairs to play the pinball machine, and I sat alone for the rest of the night.

What do you remember of me?
How did I come off?
Was I satirical, or sarcastic?
Was I funny, or tasteless?
Was I graceful, or chilly?

It does matter to me.

See, what I need to warm my belly this evening isn't drink nor memory.

What I need is you.

Sit by my fire, hold my hand, kiss my lips.
Tell me a story, write me a poem, sing me a song.

Tell me you need me too.

Dreams are dark purple
  So lacking-light they're nearly black
  They are vibrantly ultraviolet
So thick one breathes them in
   You can taste them in your lungs
   Heady, intoxicating
A whirlpool of purple ideas in a turquoise sea
    Schools of merfolk glisten silver,                          
        flick through your sleep
        waltz in your mind

Dreams are luscious fruit
    Pomegranate seeds bursting in a spray
       Of bright red, like fireworks
       Just sweet enough not to pucker your lips
       Just sour enough not to curdle your tongue

Dreams are soft fabric
    Warm like cotton
     Smooth like silk
      Sensual like velvet
Blankets to cuddle and wrap up
    til just a nose is left peeking out
    eskimo kisses with snowy air

But always,
above all,
Dreams are seductive
   one must crawl out
   clawing at the waves
   Escaping up to lighter shades

Hitting air with a gasp.
A shock every morning.
Heart pounding pulse jumping

Every morning I must ask my self

Between the dark luscious soft seductive sea
And the cold rushing gasping heart attacking air


*Which is the dream?

There's a devil in me
Her name is Marianne.

She's my impulsiveness
my scorn
my haughtiness
and, yes, my insanity.

If I'm the balloon the boy let go of, she's the one who murmured to let me go- convinced I could fly

But-
  I CAN NOT FLY.

It is a simple thing.

I am no bird.
I am no balloon.

or maybe i am.
but I'm a penguin.
or a thin-skinned animal balloon.

Perhaps I can run, jump, dance

I CAN NOT FLY. 

So I must beg the boy,

*     don't
          let go
             of me.

please.

i'll float too high and 
     P O P!

Ah, but panting into his other ear is 
Marianne.

I wants to try out my wings!

I want to 
kiss that boy,
slap those *******,
steal a car,
run away to Europe,
become a ninja,
ride a dragon,
and on
and on
and on.

Just let go.

Let's get this straight, Marianne.
I CANNOT FLY.

The boy?
  doesn't love us
Those *******?
  are people too.
That car?
   is not ours.
Europe?
   is expensive
Become a ninja?
   we're afraid of the dark!
Ride a dragon?
   they aren't real! and we're afraid of heights!
And on and on and on?
   where would you stop?
I CAN'T FLY!
I'm a penguin!
I am charming
        sweet
        graceful, even
But-
  We will not live your dreams.

    please.
                       don't let go.

she gasps,
I want to dance!
I want to sing!
I want to shout!
I want to laugh!
I want to love!

I WANT IT ALL!!!

Fling us free, up into the blue yonder!
Live fast and die young!
We'll live forever-ever-ever!

YOU CAN FLY!
WE'LL SOAR ABOVE EVERYONE!

i whisper

no.
   hang on.
   don't let me go.
   hold me close.


i can not fly