I guess it is me..
I guess I get ***
Confused with love
I guess that's my issue.
I guess it's me that has had this crippling anxiety
Every night I lay in bed thinking about him
I can't get the thought of what happened out of my head.
I can't stop thinking I will never be enough.
I can't stop thinking about how he told me,
He never wants to get married
And I think "What's the point anyways?"
I thought that was the whole point of us being together.
I mean.. it's my parents getting divorced, right?
His are happily married in this giant picture perfect home...
I ... I don't understand.
It's me that dies inside when he updates his profile picture to a photo of just him and not us.
He keeps saying "Oh, I forgot." "Oh, well.. my Instagram has our picture there."
But I am curious if there is another girl.
I wonder if that's why he is so distant.
I have these crazy mood swings.
It's just me putting all of this effort.
I sometimes think about opening the door of this fast moving vehicle
Called life
And just falling out
And smacking the cold, hard pavement one last time.
I hate that he makes me feel this way.
I hate that he makes me feel so powerless
So pathetic
I hate that I've fallen for him again
I hate myself, mostly.
I hate that I am lonely
Relationships are supposed to be a two way street, but lately it's been me driving one way there and one way back.
He tells me his street is under construction...
I find it hard to believe
I watched 13 Reasons Why all in one night
And I thought about how the people around her were so broken
And I sometimes have this fear that if I do fall out of this fast moving vehicle
No one will care when I am gone.
I wonder if he will even care
I can't handle putting all of my love into someone and getting nothing in return
I think about how much everything hurts
I think about the way I feel at 3 am
I don't understand why this is my life
I don't understand why everything is so ****** up in my life all of the time
I guess when you get back together with someone, the past doesn't really go away
He said " You turned into the person I used to be"
And I am still trying to figure out what that means....

I keep getting pulled in many directions, I don't know what to do or say but right now I take it day by day
Everyone's emotions are running wild, but in this equation is a little child
A mother two daughters and a husband of course
have lost so much but I keep beating a dead horse
Many people are so generous and nice
But some people are greedy and don't think about the price
The price of ruining your family and turning your backs, open your eyes and come face to face with the facts
Things were lost but it wasn't just you
Yes it was 42 years but they lost everything too

Arched over time, a little rustic but never one
to deny aching limbs a respite from life's moments.
Just surveying when static, slowly the world gazes back.

Words etched in time, long past mentioning's
of love bound by initials for that moment
was all but etching faded as time weathered past.

He sat there, always talking but not a soul
was near to hear his spoken verses, he would
laugh like thunder echoing in the trees, then sombre.

Behind this bench three cherry trees blossoming there
beauty shower the surrounding with each stirring
of breath the wind gave them. and he sits there smiling.

It's been a while since the old man sat, but where three trees
were, now a young one sits behind. A lonely woman sits
flowers against it, blossom kisses her checks and she smiles.

Bring
Right​
Intuition
Here
Daily
Yes​

Well 19 such
A big #
Improving my heart
To be ready for heart breaks