The Mayor

Adding up all the dead bodies,
most are just carbon copies.
After awhile they all look the same,
only difference is their name.
I have them written in a log book,
all those lives that I have took.
Forty people missing from this town,
all men whose lives were down.
No one expects when you're the mayor,
I even help look for this evil slayer.
Hope you're not male and thirty,
or you're about to get *****.
It's my face you last see,
only death will set you free.
Wearing a mask, I walk the streets,
I even keep all the ax receipts.
I put a bag over your head,
I listen as they beg, shut up I said.
Then we go on a long ride,
not once have I broken stride.
Then it's off with the mask,
now it's time for the ****** task.
If I pass a cop, I smile and wave,
off we go to my secret mayor cave.
Then I grab my trust ax,
always covering my tracks.
Chop them up into bits and pieces,
you should see as the blood releases.
Body parts start to fly,
and I don't even know why.
I'm just a small town lonely mayor,
taxes, they are not a payer.
People in the town in an uproar,
if they don't shut up,
they'll also get the cave tour.

On Drugs
Stop, drop and roll,
stripper dancing on a pole,
missing the toilet bowl,
having no self-control.
Drinking morning coffee,
inside hotel lobby,
seconds that are sloppy,
that's my favorite hobby.
Being super drunk,
more than a skunk,
***** has shrunk,
****** rock is called punk.
Smoking last cigarette,
withdrawal is a threat,
I still prefer a cassette,
will always be in debt.
Eating eggs with some ham,
with my good friend Sam,
will never eat a yam,
but will snort a gram.
This is a big mistake,
putting **** in my cake,
on your head is a snake,
it's time for a break.
Can't stop the giggle,
deep ******* a pickle,
boy it sure does tickle,
mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Shot ****** in the park,
dozing off in the dark,
my arm has a giant mark,
needle bites like a shark.
Smoked me some killer crack,
teeth rotting and turning black,
I cut myself no slack,
smoked **** and had a heart attack.
Now I'm as dead as a door nail,
my parents, I sure did fail,
can you believe I graduated Yale,
death sure does beats jail.

Best Friends

I always get you what you need,
case of beer and a bag of ****.
You can count on me, to hook you up,
a cute kitten, or a small baby pup.
I'd give you a liver, or a kidney,
I'd even clean out your ***** chimney.
I'm more than happy to mow your grass,
for a price, I'd even wipe your hairy ***.
Got no car, I'll give you a ride,
I'm very honest, and I never lied.
I'll buy you a ticket, to see your favorite band,
if ever drowning, I'll bring you to dry land.
I'll buy you dinner, I'll buy you drinks,
hang with me and no more jinx.
If drunk, I'll tuck you in bed at night,
to all my parties, you'll get an invite.
You can borrow all my money,
dry your eyes when they're runny.
I give you the best advice,
always free, never a price.
I listen when you have problems,
I give you many of random options.
I'd give you my last cigarette,
let you borrow my classic corvette.
I hook you up with super hot chicks,
I'd give you anything from my bag of tricks.
We've been best friends since first grade,
through your troubles, its me who stayed.
I know someday you'll return the favor,
if he only knew his naked sister is my screen saver.

Strange Man
wears no clothes
picks his nose
eats raw meat
has smelly feet
makes crank calls
drunk and always falls
drinks night and day
family and friends, he betray
surely going to hell
needs scope, breath smell
has no more money
this **** isn't funny
has a very small ****
can't give girls the proper lick
has to **** just for ***
still in love with his ex
has gave up on living
what happened was unforgiving
a man became a monster
felt like an impostor
lived life grumpy and bitter
searching for a pinch hitter
died one night all alone
poor dog never got his bone

Used To Be

I used to be a man with no goal,
that was how I used to roll.
I used to be a man with no ambition,
time to break that tradition.
I used to be a man who didn't care,
now you all better beware.
I used to be a man always ******,
all my dreams were once postponed.
I used to be a man with no guts,
now I am just flat out nuts.
Never used to know right from wrong,
now I say, can't we all just get along.
Never knew the difference between left and right,
used to only see things in black and white.
I used to be a man with no morals,
no compromise only quarrels.
I used to be a man you couldn't trust,
my brain was layered in thick pie crust.
Now that the crust has melted away,
I now have something to say.
My goal is to live happily after ever,
even geniuses call me clever.
My ambition is to have it all,
I'm gonna run far with the ball.
Caring is now all I ever do,
a new me has made its debut.
Being ****** is in the past,
not sure how long that will last.
Now I have the guts to try anything,
any challenge, I dare you to bring.
Being wrong is no longer allowed,
you all better get off of my cloud.
I now know my left, right, up and down,
it feels good to be treated like a proper noun.
Morals, I have plenty of,
now that I have found love.
Now you can trust me as far as you can throw,
life is nothing more than one big drama show.

Can't Take No More

Never been so humiliated,
not once ever appreciated.
For years, been holding my tongue,
my bell has already rung.
Tired of taking peoples crap,
one more thing and I will snap.
No more time for chit chat,
I'm grabbing my baseball bat.
Next one who messes with me,
will have one broken knee.
Held in my anger, way to long,
I don't care if it's wrong.
Time to start busting heads,
no stitches or any threads.
Blood will gush from the brain,
ain't got time to explain.
I won't stop til you die,
as I watch your family cry.
Remember the time, when a bully,
now you're hanging from my pulley.
Blood dripping on the floor,
your organs, I will explore.
People are missing, police have no clue,
my basement is a blood bath zoo.
Now that are the bullies are gone,
maybe now, we all can get along.

Tight Rope

If you only knew how I really felt,
sinking fast and starting to melt.
Feeling like Frosty in the summer,
I'm an idiot and getting dumber.
Losing brain cells by the minute,
used to have a name, now just a digit.
Not sure where I'm going,
up creek, I'm slowly rowing.
If not for bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all,
falling fast and nobody will call.
Bought a rope and made a noose,
can't handle any more of this abuse.
Got picked on my whole life,
my mind is in constant strife.
Now I have brain cancer,
and no one has the answer.
No one cares that I'm falling apart,
you can't fix this broken heart.
Tied the rope to a ceiling rafter,
I wanna die, happily ever after.
Found myself a nice sturdy chair,
life will just never be fair.
Kicked the chair out from under me,
started to choke, started to ***.
Body starting to feel very weak,
not another word did I speak.

Show Of Shows
people arrive at the scene
waiting for my famous routine
seats are filling up fast
what I do is unsurpassed
crowd cheers in anticipation
for their mental *******
as the curtain
begins to rise
all these maggots
become wingless flies
the crowd is in awe
my performance
is without flaw
everyone is speechless
not my fault
I'm a genius
they get their moneys worth
it's the greatest show
on this whole Earth
no one can do
what I do
I can make
all dreams come true
when I'm done
you all chant more
sorry pathetic people
there will be no encore

I Dare You
Falling down by the wayside,
another victim, that just died.
Someone else fell to pieces,
another soul, I releases.
You never have a chance,
only I will advance.
I dare you, to give me a try,
like the rest, you will quickly die.
I feel no pain, I feel no suffering,
I'm not lying, I ain't bluffing.
People come from all around,
I sniff them out, like a hound.
I dare you to cross my path,
soon you'll feel my darkened wrath.
Just try and take me down,
around the world, I am renown.
Nobody can stop me now,
you will die, but not sure how.
I dare you, to get in my way,
I'll drown your ***, in the bay.
Your blood is on your own hands,
as it spreads across the lands.
Got a reason, for why I ****,
it gives me a tasty thrill.
I dare you to try and run,
hunting you, makes it more fun.
I'm the devil, hear me roar,
law and order, I always restore.

Time For A Change

Time is now to rise against,
why be kept in suspense.
Time for a revolution,
legalize **** and prostitution.
Cut the deficit right in half,
don't it make you want to laugh.
While we're here, let's have some fun,
the law fought us, but this time we won.
**** the government and their laws,
it's filled with so many flaws.
Killers and rapists, all must die,
molesters with no *****, will surely cry.
But I digress,
country in such a mess.
No one seems to care,
I hate wearing underwear.
People just cramp my style,
every day is like a trial.
Believe in only yourself,
no trophies on my shelf.
The government, we must overthrow,
get ready, get set and lets go.
You all would just chicken out,
this is something, I have no doubt.
Get yourself a pair of *****,
let's climb the White House walls.
On second thought, it will never happen,
I'm just a stupid fool named Allen.
It was just the thought that counts,
just a suggestion, I wanted to announce.

Some Others

Some people stop, some people go,
others will hide, others will show.
Some people lead, some people follow,
others will spit, others will swallow.
Some people drink, some people smoke,
others will finger, others will stroke.
Some people listen, some people talk,
others will ring, others will knock.
Some people write, some people read,
others will cut, others will bleed.
Some people dumb, some people smart,
others will burp, others will ****.
Some people Facebook, some people Tweet,
others will lie, others will cheat.
Some people ****, some people chew,
others will glance, others will view.
Some people live, some people die,
others will laugh, others will cry.
Some people pitch, some people catch,
others will oppose, others will attach.
Some people want, some people give,
others will forget, others will forgive.
Some people right, some people wrong,
others will flaunt, others will belong.
Some people finished, some people done,
others will end, others will run.

Mr. Publish Man

Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me this ain't a scam.
I've talking a liking to what you're saying,
I just hope it's me you start paying.
Is this a dream or is it a fact,
I need to know, before I sign the contract.
Don't take a lot of time to think about,
please tell me that you have no doubt.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me you really give a ****.
I hope that you become my friend,
and help my poems become a trend.
This reads like words on my paper,
don't make me part of your latest caper.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please don't email me with your spam.
Sell a lot of books, and go on a book singing world tour,
cause when it rains, it's followed by a pour.
Make a lot of money and sell lots of books,
I got plenty of rhymes and catchy hooks.
Have a lot of fun and hang with my fans,
I've already made lots of future plans.
I'm in for the money, I'm in for the show,
are you gonna help me make lots of dough.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr publish man, please don't make me a sacrificial lamb.

Ever Wonder

Ever wonder how and why,
never getting the correct reply.
Doing things out of spite,
living in sin just seems right.
Ever wonder if and when,
how long before the ship comes in.
Nothing ever goes the simple way,
another act we must portray.
Ever wonder what and who,
maybe me, maybe you.
Living in the age of regret,
stay calm, try not to sweat.
Ever wonder right and wrong,
will we ever just get along.
Too many problems left to solve,
everyone still has to evolve.
Ever wonder here and there,
always having a blank stare.
Maybe in another time and place,
we will find a way to touch base.
Ever wonder day and night,
hoping someday it will be alright.
Never knowing what's going on,
when will darkness become dawn.
Ever wonder, I mean really wonder,
answers won't come, till we're six feet under.

Now That's Love
through fire and brimstone
through the gates of hell
through a path of broken glass
get bit by every poisonous snake
get stung by every bee
get violated by every man in prison
**** every human
**** every animal
**** even myself
shoot myself in the head
stab myself in the heart
chop off my very own *****
theses are the things
I'd do for you
I hope you'd do the same
our love will last forever
nothing will ever stop us
we were meant for each other
but please baby
I'm gonna beg of you
don't make me
chop off my *****

Darkened Room

Woke up in a darkened room,
with a smell of bitter gloom.
Searching for some kind of light,
no match or lighter to ignite.
Felt around for a switch,
sometimes life is a *****.
Stuck in a room with no door,
like a canoe with no oar.
Voices I can hear faintly,
all I can do is wait patiently.
Yelling for help with no reply,
left in the dark with no supply.
Not any food, not any drink,
just plenty of time to ponder and think.
In the corner I took a ****,
how did I end up in this abyss.
Hoping this is only a nightmare,
knowing soon, I'll run out of air.
Banging my head up against the wall,
air inflating faster than a punctured beach ball.
As I start to pass out,
I can hear people shout.
Woke up in a puddle of smelly sweat,
it was just a bad dream,
just not my kind of wet.

Never Ending

It's always me people shove,
some memories, I can't dispose of.
There seems to be no end,
a real problem and there is no friend.
Life savings running bone dry,
I just can't figure out why.
Trying hard to be the best,
every little thing leaves me stressed.
Tired of things being so complicated,
always feeling so **** aggravated.
Living in a constant bitter regret,
no way out of this money debt.
Not even sure what life's about,
it ***** so bad, it makes me shout.
Why was I even born,
when I die will anybody mourn.
Wondering why I even care,
all these problems, with you I share.
Over forty and nothing to show,
motion of life, moving to slow.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired,
is living really that required.
Life is only getting worse,
since birth, someone put on a curse.
Got two kids, I never see,
why is all this **** happening to me.
Never got the right support,
my ship has never left the port.
Maybe things will never change,
people look at me like I'm very strange.
Will I ever catch a break,
maybe I'm dreaming and all this is fake.
Every night, I cry myself to sleep,
in my family, I'm the black sheep.
Almost living in the street,
tried to lie, steal and cheat.
Yes it's true that I'm insane,
can't fight this blister in my brain.
Well I've wasted enough of your time,
I may never write another rhyme.

It's Good To Be The King

While sitting on my golden throne,
dogs throw me their best bone.
Men bow down at my feet,
on my lap, women have a seat.
Kids give me their favorite toys,
I break the ones that make noise.
Rich people give me their gold,
poor people do as their told.
It's good to be the king,
everyone dances when I sing.
My queen obeys every command,
if not she gets a hard right hand.
Every servant does their job,
most people call me a snob.
My kids go the the best school,
if they are bad, I make them eat my stool.
It's good to be the king,
my castle has a hidden wing.
All my mistresses are eager to please,
off with their heads, if they don't appease.
My army has never lost a war,
if some happen to die, I just get more.
There is always talk of a revolution,
any talk of treason, is an automatic execution.
It's good to be the king,
I'm the puppeteer who pulls the string.
Every Sunday criminals get thrown to the lions,
the games begin with the sound of sirens.
Thousands come to scream and cheer,
while I drink wine, waiting for the invention of beer.
I'm getting old and about to retire,
my oldest son, all the girls desire.
My other son is a bit fruity,
I still have one last duty.
Still one battle left to win,
just one chance left to legally sin.
I strangled my family with some string,
**** it's good to be the king.
I think I'll keep my throne a few more years,
my families heads, I kept as souvenirs.

Don't Know

Don't know you, don't know me,
maybe its time to break free.
Don't know goodness, don't know sin,
I have know idea where I've been.
Don't know rich, don't know poor,
they say I have delusions of grandeur.
Don't know heaven, don't know hell,
I don't even know how to spell.
Don't know hours, don't know time,
too many mountains left to climb.
Don't know women, don't know men,
but they say, I'm related to William Penn.
Don't know drugs, don't know beer,
the consequences are always severe.
Don't know fun, don't know depression,
my court is always in session.
Don't know windows, don't know floors,
what's mine isn't necessarily yours.
Don't know fiction, don't know fact,
everything I do is just an act.
Don't know bees, don't know birds,
all I have are useless words.
Don't know comedy, don't know drama,
not even sure where to put a comma.
Don't know water, don't know land,
losing my memory was not planned.
Don't know love, don't know pain,
something hit me in my confused brain.
Don't know my mom, don't know my dad,
maybe I'm happy, maybe I'm sad.
Don't know black, don't know white,
I hope everything turns out alright.
Don't know clothes, don't know *****,
I love walking around in the ****.
Don't know months, don't know years,
so why do I have so many tears.
Don't know how, don't know when,
can't even count to the number ten.
Don't know knick, don't know knack,
lets face facts, I don't know Jack.

Back Yard
Dug a hole in the ground,
for the bodies that I found.
Scattered in my back yard,
there severely bruised and scarred.
Two women and three men,
I put them there,
but I forgot when.
Family was a pain in the ***,
sliced them up with broken glass.
Grass never been so green,
I felt like a killing machine.
It was easy, it was fun,
I'm far from being done,
Don't knock on my front door,
or you will be no more.
Back yard now filled with dead bodies,
to me their all just carbon copies.

Love Is Blind

First we talk, then we start discussing,
turns into arguing and some fussing.
Every compromise turns into a heated debate,
who you out *******, when you come home late.
Your drinking and drugging is out of control,
wishing I could leave you, but my heart you stole.
Not gonna lie, I wish you were dead,
but watching you slowly killing yourself, I’ll watch instead.
Not sure how much more I can take,
meeting you is my biggest mistake.
You beat me one night while drunk,
from my head, you took a chunk.
Me in the hospital, you in jail,
I’m now blind and must learn braille.
Waiting years for you to be set free,
knowing you will come looking for me.
My seeing eye dog, I keep very hungry,
I may be blind, but I’m no dummy.
My walking cane is also a taser,
under my sleeve, I hide a razor.
Through the grapevine, I heard you get out tomorrow,
prepare to drown in a big red sea of sorrow.
Then one night, I hear a knock,
it must be way past twelve o’clock.
I quiet my dog so it doesn't bark,
turned off the power, so she could see dark.
I listen closely and hear very well,
knowing it’s her from her distinct smell.
She slowly opens the unlocked door,
my electric cane knocks her to the floor.
With my razor, I give her a slice,
I taught my dog to be a ***** eating device.
There is no proof, she was even hear,
some people just deserve to disappear.

Do It

Do it in the street, do it in the house,
do it with a rat, do it with a mouse.
Do it with some cats, do it with some dogs,
do it with one of those newly infected hogs.
Do it in the morning, do it in the night,
do it is best after a big huge fight.
Do it on the couch, do it on the bed,
do it is gross, when someone is dead.
Do it with a girl, do it with a man,
do it always, whenever you can.
Do it when it's red, do it when it flows,
do it cause that's just the way it goes.
Do it with a horse, do it with a cow,
do it even if you don't know how.
Do it with a sheep, do it with a goat,
do it on the deck of your favorite boat.
Do it from the front, do it from the back,
do it with an old smelly yak.
Do it on the toilet, do it on the sink,
do it cause the inside is always pink.
Do it on the floor, do it on the table,
do it when you're ready, willing and able.
Do it after dinner, do it after lunch,
do it with an apple pie during brunch.
Do it when you're mean, do it when you're kind,
do it with any hole that you can find.
Do it cause it's easy, do it cause it's fun,
do it cause men love to shoot their gun.
Do it when you cough, do it when you're sick,
do it no matter, the size of the ****.
Do it when you're *****, do it when you're not,
do it by yourself and hope you don't get caught.

Love Story
We are made for each other,
you're more loving, than a mother.
You make me smile, when sad,
I calm you down, when mad.
Your smile lights up a room,
our love is stronger than a sonic boom.
We make the perfect couple,
in bed we always cuddle.
I taught you how to live,
you taught me how to give.
Your beauty is unmatched,
my bruises, you always patched.
When you're sick, I'm always there,
we make one hell of a pair.
You're as **** as a model,
you love the way, I always ******.
True love is so hard to find,
never met someone more kind.
This love story goes on forever,
breaking up will happen never.
Through good and bad times,
I will never run out of rhymes.
We are each others best friend,
it will be that way til the very end.

Will He
Will he go down as the best,
or fade away like the rest.
Will he go down as a god,
or just a man rolling sod.
Will he go down in history,
or just another flesh for fantasy.
Will he go down as the man,
or just someone who tried what he can.
Will he go down without defeat,
or just another piece of meat.
Will he go down on a girl,
or will the smell, make him hurl.
Will he go down and rise again,
or will he die before he's ten.
Will he go down as a king,
or just a man with no wing.
Will he go down with great honor,
or just another Jeffrey Dahmer.
Will he go down as a winner,
or just another angry sinner.
Will he go down, wearing his crown,
or will he just go down.

I Have Nothing

I have no job, I have no life,
I'm just a slob, who has no wife.
I have no brains, I have no brawn,
I have lots of pains, and soon I'll be gone.
I have no money, I have no home,
life ain't funny with no hair to comb.
I have no pride, I have no pet,
not that I haven't tried,
I live in constant regret.
I have no eyes, I have no ears,
said all my goodbyes,
I'd cry but I have no tears.
I have no food, I have no drink,
not really in the mood,
I sure could use a shrink.
I have no car, I have no truck,
walking barefoot on hot tar,
makes me say what the ****.
I have no hopes, I have no dreams,
my life is on the ropes,
if only I could hear my screams.
I have no family, I have no friends,
living is agony, death will be my cleanse.
I have no reasons, I have no rhyme,
don't know the seasons, can't even tell time.
I have no heart, I have no soul,
my life is falling apart,
according to the latest poll.
I have no ink, I have no pen,
I'm very ***** and I stink,
not sure if I'll ever shower again.
I have no ****, I have no *****,
I'm just a toothless hick,
who has to *** in closed stalls.

Three Special People

Maybe I don't do enough,
life is hell and really rough.
Maybe I don't show enough appreciation,
but trust me, you got my undivided attention.
Sometimes I don't kiss you, before bed,
on those nights, I wish for dead.
Finding you was worth the wait,
our times together, has been more than great.
It's true, we don't always get along,
but we all know, we're where we belong.
I miss every second you're not around,
a flood of tears, I've often drowned.
If you only knew how I really feel,
You are the ones who spin my wheel.
Sorry I don't keep every promise,
in the game of life, I'm just a novice.
I hope you know, I try my best,
with each passing day, I feel more blessed.
All three of you, I consider so special,
you all are so very essential.
One of you, I see everyday,
I love you, I always say.
Two of you, I wish could see more,
I'm so sorry, but trust me I truly adore.
If only things could be different,
it isn't easy being a long distant parent.
Nothing for you all, I wouldn't do,
all three of you are quite the view.
We all have so much fun together,
when all with me, life can't get no better.
So much love for my favorite trio,
we would make one hell of a reality show.
The sound of your voice, brings me a smile,
all your faces, I keep in a mental file.
Who ever says I don't love you, is a liar,
by the way, I'm talking about Laura, Amber and Tyler.

Craigslist
if you only knew
that my ***** are blue
turned me on
turned me off
with those *******
that made me cough
you the doctor
me the patient
one hundred dollars
is the payment
answered you ad
on Craigslist
you made house calls
in the midst
could have been a nun
could have been a maid
I just needed
to get laid
I wasn't cured
after one hour
ended up taking
a long cold shower

On My Mind

This is what's going on in my mind,
not sure to be mean or kind.
I could amaze you with a riddle,
maybe play with my wooden fiddle.
Chop people into tiny bits,
buy a stripper and see her ****.
Does love even really exist,
will **** ooze from my cyst.
Wisdom I could dazzle,
take a shower and forget the towel.
Make you laugh, make you smile,
that's just my kind of style.
How much I hate your guts,
Dickie Roberts said nucking futs.
Are any of us really even here,
maybe face myself a fear.
Sing you a groovy song,
smoke from a huge ****.
Go dance the night away,
check out my hips as they sway.
How I hate to wipe my ***,
dogs always have the smelliest gas.
Drink shots til I puke,
always listen to Jesse Duke.
Am I alive or am I dead,
writing naked in my bed.
Now you see how my mind works,
if not, you're just stupid jerks.
So many thoughts, I can't even mention,
but I think by now I have your attention.

if anyone on this site wanna be facebook friends add me allen rhymeaholic wilbert

Love You/Love Me

I know why I love you
love you, love you.
I know why you love me,
love me, love me.
Remembering the day we first met,
your smile, blue eyes, and hair of brunette.
Had you laughing all long night,
it was love at first sight.
Your body smooth and thin,
you have the perfect skin.
No one is more beautiful,
what we do is unconstitutional.
You make me happy in my pants,
every night, we do the slam dance.
Found out why I love you,
love you, love you.
Found out why you love me,
love me, love me.
No one thought we'd last this long,
hey baby, we sure proved them wrong.
We're like two peas in a pod,
when we touch, it's a lighting rod.
We will never break apart,
we both know this, in our heart.
Our love is so very strong,
it's more on than Donkey Kong.
Loving that I love you,
love you, love you.
Loving that you love me,
love me, love.

Old West
dark man in the shadows
walking toward the pole of gallows
doing his time
for his heinous crime
******, **** and molesting
nobody watching is protesting
guilty with no doubt
that's what the old west was about
hunted down by a lynch mob
soon his neck will throb
as they tie the noose
making sure it's not loose
as he begins to fall
dead is the man they called Paul
no one there started to cry
as they watched an innocent man die
the real killer then confessed
so they shot him in the chest

Unusual Place
living in an unusual place
no tracks left to trace
bridges already burned
tables already turned
**** has hit the fan
all my words got a ban
too much controversy
people begging for mercy
never knowing what I'll find
inside my warped little mind
some of you love
some of you hate
my big white dove
that's always running late
my pen is my gun
shooting words just for fun
my stories, you all read
listen and follow my lead
no one more entertaining
your brains, I keep on draining
my silly words have you fooled
my rhymes keep you schooled
I like to brag
I like to boast
now light up your grass
and raise that glass
and give me the proper toast

Pole Dancer

You've got the look,
gonna bait you with my hook.
You're so **** hot,
I got me a wet spot.
Imagining you naked,
hoping that you're vacant.
Long blonde wavy hair,
can't help but to stare.
All men can't help but glance,
as you start your stripper dance.
Poison is the music that you play,
was gonna leave, but now I'll stay.
Throwing dollars on the stage,
her petite body is all the rage.
Didn't take long to get hard.
her beauty kept me on guard.
Got a couch dance in the back,
she cut me no **** slack.
Spending money, like no tomorrow,
in the morning, I'll feel sorrow.
Bought you coffee and some pie,
then we said our last good-bye.
This night cost me a fortune,
good thing I'm a wealthy surgeon.
She came knocking on my door,
this **** stripper wants some more.
Had *** all night long,
she loved the size of my ****.
Quit her job and moved in,
then she brings her identical twin.
Every night is *** and laughter,
we all lived happily ever after.

Famous Poets

I may not be William Blake,
all my poems are mostly fake.
I may not be Robert Burns,
I'm to young to get any positive returns.
I may not be Robert Browning,
but really is anyone counting.
I may not be Emily Dickinson,
I write for shock and for fun.
I may not be Robert Frost,
but I do have my fingers crossed.
I may not be Thomas Hardy,
my mental state is never sturdy.
I may not be James Joyce,
but really did I ever have a choice.
I may not be Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,
wish I had the money to live at a bordello.
I may not be Ogden Nash,
I never have had enough cash.
I may not be Edgar Allan Poe,
but I'm a poet don't you know.
I may not be Mary Darby Robinson,
but at least I'm not a congressman.
I may not be William Shakespeare,
I love to write with not one fear.
I may not be Mark Twain,
but I do love standing in the rain,
I may not be Walt Whitman,
but at least I'm not a ship man.
I may not be William Butler Yeats,
my skills are still up for debates.
All their poems would set you free,
but now their dead, so its up to me.

Best Friends

I've lost my best friend,
thought we'd be together,
til the very end.
Been together for five long years,
if only you could see all my tears.
We'd sit on the couch and watch tv,
you even came with,
when I had to ***.
No bad, only good times,
this is worse than any hate crimes.
Thought I saw you by the door,
pushing your buttons, I adore.
Is that you, on the table,
come home, I miss my cable.
Searched the house, and found nothing,
I was hoping, she was just bluffing.
Dug deep into my ugly couch,
with that extra deep hole,
and there it was, among other things,
my long, lost beautiful remote control.
Don't you dare ever leave me again,
or you'll be Barbie,
and I'll be Ken.

Before you, my life was empty,
you became my good and plenty.
My life was filled with nothing,
my heart was constantly crushing.
Hair is brown, eyes are blue,
you love me and I love you.
You have that magic touch,
when I'm broken, you're my crutch.
What we have, we gladly share,
we make one hell of a pair.
You laugh at all my silly jokes,
you fulfilled my dreams and hopes.
You cheer my up, when I'm down,
you always treat me like a proper noun.
This once sad man is now happy,
I hope this doesn't sound to **** sappy.
You can't sleep unless we cuddle,
even if we fight and struggle.
You're the wind beneath my wings,
you put mud on all my bee stings.
Our love somehow found a way,
love is something, we never have to say.
You're the best woman I've ever seen,
no one will ever get in between.
You're the love of my life time,
I hope you liked this wedding vow rhyme.

Foot Long

When home alone, I wear no clothes,
when people walk by I strike a pose.
All my neighbors seem to enjoy,
of course I'm more ******* than the water boy.
I always make sure no kids are watching,
my ***** always look like their boxing.
You'd walk naked too, if you're thing was a foot long,
me and Tommy Lee seem to get along.
Been offered millions of times to be in ****,
women love to honk it like a horn.
When I wear clothes, they must be baggy,
I have less brain cells than ****** and Shaggy.
Can't drive a car or ride a bike,
I wear a helmet whenever I hitch hike.
Can't get laid, but girls love to touch,
I seem to like it if its to much.
Don't know my a, b, c's, can't count to ten,
sometimes I squirt more than an exploding pen.
Yesterday they put me in a special home,
from my mouth, I always seem to foam.
They wont let me walk in the ****,
the people here are so **** *****.
I fell in love with my nurse,
I guess things could be worse.
When the doctors found out,
they put me in a straitjacket,
now how am I supposed to whack it.

The Scream

One, two
go *******
three, four,
you're a ****** *****
five, six
you love ******* *****
seven, eight
it's you I hate
nine, ten
never see you again.
I shot you now you're dead.
in your ******* head.
Now you're deep in the ground,
sometimes I hear a screaming sound.
Is it nightmare or a dream,
still I hear your silent scream.
Even after I moved far away,
in my head your scream did stay.
Then you dug from the grave,
your soul, you did save.
There is a knock at me door,
it was my dead headless *****.
She unloaded with a butchers knife,
should have kept her as my wife.

Brain Warp

Heart is a pounding,
shadows are surrounding.
Clock is a ticking,
my nose I'm picking.
Trying to keep control,
smoking a big fat bowl.
Smoking the moments when,
the darkness comes again.
Let's do the brain warp today,
it's really the only way.
Pass to the left, pass to the right,
don't forget to bring a light.
Knees feeling kinda weak,
people think you're a freak.
A pelvic ****** causes pain,
you start to go slowly insane.
Let's do the brain warp today,
if need be, I will have to pay.
It's so dreamy,
fantasy equals creamy.
Starting to sweep the nation,
so high, I need a translation.
Do what you want, mind will flip,
soon you'll see time start to slip.
You're spaced on medication,
it's the greatest sensation.
Let's do the brain warp today,
whether you're straight or gay.
Well, I was walking down the road,
stepped on some jumpy toad.
Then some strange guy,
gave me the most evil eye.
He was driving in his truck,
I say to myself, what the ****.
I was getting paranoid,
he must be on a steroid.
Let's do the brain warp today,
nothing else left to say.

How I Like It
I walk all alone
it's how I like it
being all by myself
it's how I like it
don't need anyone else
it's how I like it
I have no friends
I have no family
living in the streets
begging for money
begging for food
it's how I like it
sleeping in the near-bye woods
in a tent with many holes
I hunt rabbit
I hunt squirrel
I eat bugs
I eat worms
it's how I like it
would die for a Big Mac
would die for a Whopper
can't drink unless it rains
no coat when it's cold
it's how I like it
walking miles everyday
lucky to make a dollar
no drugs to dull my pain
it's how I like it
just waiting for my death
but I'll probably live forever
weighing only eighty pounds
losing more each passing day
it's how I like it

I Love The Way
I love the way you smile,
haven't seen it in quite awhile.
I love the way you strut,
I treat you like my ****.
I love the way you yell,
you taught me how to spell.
I love the way you sing,
wedding bells, I do hear ring.
I love the way you think,
your farts sure do stink.
I love the way you laugh,
your neck is like a giraffe.
I love the way, you love me,
never have I felt so safe and free.
I love the way you walk,
too much you sometimes talk.
I love the way you push my buttons,
it's just to bad, that we're cousins.
I love the way you don't care,
our family warned us to beware.
I love the way you ride,
you helped me find my lost pride.
I love the way you rock,
my heart you did unlock.
I love the way you said good-bye,
we both knew the reasons why.
Kissing cousins should never last,
must move on and forget the past,
It was just a fifth cousin sensation,
soon it will be sweeping the nation.

Shooting The Breeze

I saw what I couldn't see,
a man and his killing spree.
I smelt what I couldn't smell,
but I was sworn never to tell.
I felt what I couldn't touch,
strip clubs are all too much.
I was lost and couldn't be found,
but yet I was always around.
Just lurking in the shadows,
darkened was all the windows.
Conspiracy theories cloud my vision,
it was a head on head major collision.
Tough learning the game of life,
can't leave the house without a gun or knife.
Cigarette smoke fills the room,
my dead body needs an exhume.
Life filled with ups and downs,
lived in many cities and towns.
All living things will someday die,
all people will sometimes lie.
Stress has taken everyone over,
no such thing as a four leaf clover.
So I just grin and bare it,
tired of peoples senseless ****.
Overall life isn't all that bad,
depression is just a lonely fad.
I saw what I couldn't see,
a man and his killing spree.
I smelt what I couldn't smell,
but I was sworn never to tell.
I felt what I couldn't touch,
strip clubs are all too much.
I was lost and couldn't be found,
but yet I was always around.
Just lurking in the shadows,
darkened was all the windows.
Conspiracy theories cloud my vision,
it was a head on head major collision.
Tough learning the game of life,
can't leave the house without a gun or knife.
Cigarette smoke fills the room,
my dead body needs an exhume.
Life filled with ups and downs,
lived in many cities and towns.
All living things will someday die,
all people will sometimes lie.
Stress has taken everyone over,
no such thing as a four leaf clover.
So I just grin and bare it,
tired of peoples senseless ****.
Overall life isn't all that bad,
depression is just a lonely fad.

Master Of Puppets

What if we aren't even here,
would it change, who we think we are.
Maybe you're a figment of my imagination,
just a thought in this mans head.
I ponder that question every night,
only I know the real answer.
We're born, we grow up and we die,
make the best of any situation.
An ice age will destroy all mankind,
or was the dinosaur theory all just myth.
When you die all your answers you shall find,
only I know all the secrets,
I'm not allowed to tell you why.
You all will know in due time.
I'm the master of the puppets,
pulling your strings, is what I do.
I say who lives or dies,
whether you gets rich or poor.
I'm in your head, I'm in your heart,
I'm everywhere, but you can't see me.
Friends all thought I was insane,
til I ended up in all their dreams.
I see you when you'er sleeping,
I see you when you're awake,
I even see you when you're naked.
Some of you should always be clothed,
bigger people need a stronger string.
I'm your angel up above,
I'm your demon down below.
Praying on knees doesn't work,
I'm just the ****, who pulls your strings.

Her

Her eyes so tranquil,
having her I'm thankful.
Her skin so soft,
Her Apple me Microsoft.
Her smile so big,
never do I need a wig.
Her fingers magic touch,
automatic no need to clutch.
Her naked tongue drops,
we use plenty of props.
He juice squirts plenty,
so tired and empty.
Her kisses wanting more,
how I love my little *****.
Her price very low,
she really can blow.
Her body is unmatched,
too late I'm attached.
Her is never leaving,
never meant to be deceiving.
Her cuffed to my bed,
staying til we're dead.
Her prostitution days over,
more powerful than Super Grover.
Her body I abuse,
never would I bruise.
Her ***** so tight,
never puts up a fight.
Her screams go unheard,
vision becoming blurred.
Her begs to be free,
but I lost the key.
Her tears made me cry,
asked myself why.
Her promises not to tell,
so I said what the hell.
Her off she went,
kidnapping wasn't my intent.
Her knocking at door,
begging for some more.
Her became my wife,
we now have a great life.

Every

Every tunnel has a light,
Every flea has to bite,
Every food has been bitten,
every word has been written.
On those days that seem dark,
soon you will spot your spark.
On those days, where all goes wrong,
pack yourself a big fat ****.
When things are looking down,
life seeming like a ghost town.
Things will always get better,
******* makes a girl wetter.
Every dog has its day,
every person finds their way.
Every rose has its thorn,
every man will always watch ****.
Sometimes life can be so happy,
smile and stop feeling ******.
Always be thinking positive,
let it out like a laxative.
When the sun starts to set,
in the garbage, throw all debt.
Every baby has a mother,
every day is like no other.
Every story has an end,
every person needs a friend.

Nobody
nobody knows
nobody cares
nobody listens
nobody dares
nobody wonders
nobody talks
nobody helps
nobody flocks
nobody text
nobody calls
nobody rings
nobody got any *****
nobody gives a ****
nobody knows I'm in a pit
nobody knows the trouble I'm in
nobody cares if I ever win
nobody wants to feel my pain
nobody knows that I'm insane
nobody cares about my history
nobody knows I'm a mystery

Follow Me
Follow me to the promise land,
come with me and take my hand.
There is no work, just play,
never any bill to pay.
Good things will happen, in your life,
no more living, on the edge of a knife.
I've played with fire, and got burned,
on the right track, I finally turned.
Take a good look, inside of your heart,
don't let hate, tear you apart.
Trust me to decide your fate,
tomorrow may be way to late.
Can't tell you, where we're going,
but beautiful rivers, will be flowing.
Green grass, everywhere you look,
this isn't a movie, or a silly book.
It's only up around the bend,
this place, I highly recommend.
I discovered this place years ago,
now pack your ****, it's time to go.
When we get there, you will see,
never will you feel so free.
All non believers, can burn in hell,
for I am Jesus, can't you tell.

Contagious
Shed a tear when I'm seeing you,
you're skin is turning black and blue.
In a way I still must smile,
took pictures, cause its been awhile.
Was a moment when I had to laugh,
thought maybe you just had infection of staff.
There is no doubt you're all I see,
in the mirror, when taking a ***.
I just hope you aren't contagious,
contagious yeah, yeah.
I sit around trying to be alone,
afraid to even pick up the phone.
Being tense won't speed up the time,
but it helped with this Guns-n-Roses rhyme.
Take it slow, and I'll be fine,
no more time to mope and whine.
I just hope I'm not contagious,
if so, I'll need some more patience.
All the stars are still shinning bright,
maybe that will help shed some light.
I think I can make it, I'm not faking it,
very hard to break it, no longer can I take it.
Hope I'm not contagious yeah, yeah,
just a bit contagious yeah, yeah.
I've been praying every night,
hoping all will be alright.
Hard to see, while turning blue,
feet stuck like I stepped in glue.
Streets can't change except for the names,
sick and tired of all these stupid games.
I guess this means I'm contagious,
now I must be very courageous.
Whoa,I guess I'm contagious yeah, yeah,
Oh it seems I'm contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.
This *****, I will soon die,
being contagious, will lead to a cry.
I really hate being contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just The Facts
Baseball is America's pastime,
football players commit a crime.
Hockey players have names,
you can't pronounce or understand,
basketball players, seven feet tall they stand.
Nothing beats a cold can of coke,
anything else is just a joke.
Rock and roll, will always be king,
country is just a real long fling.
Wrestling, yes I know it's fake,
my all time favorite carried a snake.
Thanksgiving is a stupid tradition,
too much family, leaves you needing medication.
Why is American pie, made of apple,
I'd rather have a pumpkin Snapple.
Inside us all is a cancer,
another question, we can't answer.
I love my country with all my might,
murderers, rapists and molesters,
should be shot on sight.
Nothing better than a pork roll, egg and cheese,
run to Jersey, and just ask please.
Nothing like watching a great movie,
sometimes life can be pretty groovy.
*** is something, like no other,
just don't have it with your mother.

https://www.facebook.com/AwesomeAllenWilbert

30 Years Lost

I said no, you stupid little **,
not enough dough, so please just go.
I'm growing old, house filled with mold,
suffering from a cold, just got paroled.
Can't get laid, always underpaid,
I'm so **** afraid, life starting to fade.
Day becomes night, future not so bright,
don't know left from right, I do things out of spite.
Can't catch a break, all my friends are fake,
got bitten by a snake, body starting to ache.
Running out of time, down to my last dime,
no longer in my prime, at least I can still rhyme.
Life is just to tough, always in the buff,
can never get enough, I used to be hot stuff.
Hair is turning grey, I'm not the one to pray,
life is fading away, I still have more to say.
No one seems to care, my wife had an affair,
tied her to a chair, then I took all her air.
That's when I went to jail, got sentenced with no bail,
never got any mail, in life I sure did fail.
Thirty years lost, over the line I crossed,
would change things at any cost, my salad got daily tossed.
I now live alone, bracelet tied to my ankle bone,
can't even afford a phone, I've become an unknown.
Before the day I die, my eyes I'd like to dry,
I once reached for the sky, now I will say my last good-bye.