My blood runs across my flesh
He's here again
here to take me away.

The halls are dark,
and the moon washes in pale light across the floor
My tears don't fall this time,
I am not afraid.

His black wings caress the plush white carpet
stained by my life essence,
and his eyes are filled with such hate
and the blood of his innocent victims
the candles on the window pane burst to life
and the wind whispers across my damp skin.

I raise my shaking hand towards him
begging for him to end the pain,
as crimson liquid spills from my severed veins
they hit the ground and turn to black.

His eyes watch me in curiosity
but his lips curl in a knowing grin
he lifts one hand and shakes one long bony finger,

"You have one chance little one," he whispers

But I've gone too far to look back
I turn to the window,
and watch the white curtains billowing in the icy wind.

"I'm ready," I whisper.

The white curtains touch the tips of the flame
and roar into a hungry sea of fire

"There is no forgiveness once you cross the line,"

I stare at the flames as they bend and flicker
as if they're dancing
taunting me.

My mind was already made.

"There has never been forgiveness for me, my soul belongs to you,"

And as soon as the last word drops from the tip of my tongue
I'm engulfed in the flames.

Heartfelt confessions
With jovial  eyes
of sincerity
Blossoming affection
With pure and
Delicate  mutuality
It was sunrise.
It started blooming
Like redolent flowers
in springtime.

Sensible to meaningless
Talks in daytime
Secrets unraveled
Under the ineffable beauty
Of the cloudy sky
Unblemished hearts
Had grown to love
As innocent as
The newborn child.

Nearly twilight
Lovers in paradise
Exchanging thoughts
Priceless stories
Hands intertwined
Creating future
Dreams, plans.
Thinking, forever
Is in their hands.

The night of moonless sky
Was the time to bid goodbye
Forever is over now
Castle of promises somehow
Turned ashen gray
Dust and sand
All blinding the eyes
As one heart escaped
And the other remained
All shattered and pulverized

A quiet midnight
Nothing but a silent cry
Resonates the room
Recollecting
Ephemeral  moments
Indelible memories
Both ravaging
The soul and heart
Hopeful for
A kind of dementia
To erase all
The wounds and scars

It's clear dawn now
A curve in the lips
Hiding , enduring
The pang of
boundless ache
Wishful of the
Forthcoming sunrise
To bring about
The celestial fate
A Better tomorrow,
A beautiful aftermath
Of the twisted
Playful life

I am not a number.
I am more.
I'm a rhythm.
A clock, circadian,
A heart beat,
The music inside me.
I am a rhythm.

I am not a score.
I am more.
I'm a movement.
An individual, its
Like a non-religious transcendentalist,
A dancer, prancer,
An accidental fall.
I have a purpose.
I am a movement.

Who are you?
A number?
A score?
An A?
B?
C?
See?
Its not you, its how we were raised to be.

Thirteen years in a structured school
Teaching you only how to earn points
And memorize facts.

But I want to be smart.
An astrophysicist
An anthropologist
A pediatric psychologist

I want to own a home.
Lease a car.
Pay my bills.
Invest my money.

Where do I learn to do all that?

Look into your future,
Inside your dreams.
How do you get there?
How do you find
What seems
To be impossible?

Let me tell you,
Its possible.
Education
Filled with learning,
Filled with ACTUAL learning.
And motivation.
Its a structure,
But its home.
Its a routine,
Its a family.

Its in your head.
You create your setting.
The gloomiest day, with a smile on your face
And you've already become more.

When you want education,
You'll find it.
You'll find it with passionate teachers,
And summer camps,
And clubs
And sports
And, AP stats?

When you push yourself forward,
You'll feel pressure backwards,
But it won't drag you down,
If you don't let it.

It's a choice to make.
You'll be here anyways.

Its that day you walk across that stage
And find the smiles of your peers
And realize that although you're still here,
You're moving forward.

I know that I am more.
Than my 11th grade AP test score.
I know that I am more,
Than my homework,
Than my scars,
Than the number of marks
That are on my arms.
Than my rank,
My GPA,
Or any standardized test I took on a Saturday.
Than the number of hugs that I get when cry,
Or the number of graduates who will say good-bye.
Because at the end of the day
Or right here and right now
Or whatever cliche
I know I can say

I am more.

I panicked.

My brain attacked today.

It attacked my lungs,

Stupid sharp whistling sounds.

I looked out of control.

But I felt aware,

that I wasn’t breathing,

that I was attacking myself again.

It attacked my heart,

terrifying skipping stones in my chest.

Whipped one by one,

Muffled blows in my breast.

I panicked.

I looked out of control but I was aware,

of the guilt,

of what will drag along with me.

I can’t be freed from fault,

It’s not the way.

Because I panic;

is why I don’t relate,

is how I cleanse.

Fright being necessary,

like a dream

where you muscle tone fails you,

I was paralyzed.

My knuckles hit the laminate –

again, again, again.

But I don’t move.

Feeling my bicep twitch,

Feeling my throat raw,

My mouth wide open,

But I don’t make a sound.

Because I panic.

The power inside,

will never translate,

to the outside.

People may see flickers,

of insanity in my eyes.

They may see me tighten up.

They may seem me strain and ease.

But I will never translate.

Until it snaps,

Until I no longer attack myself.

Until I no longer panic.

Until I bellow,

Until I howl,

Until I wail,

Until I swing and connect.

Until it attacks outwardly,

Instead of inwardly.