A husk that I was in was never the great that I have done.
Lies and mistakes that I believed and begun.
There's no change in my doings,
Just the less noise I'm making.

There was no space:
for me,
for change,
for friends,
for family,
for peace,
and/or a solemn place.

If I have something to prove, I would be wrong.
If I have something to show, it has to be redrawn.
If I have something to say, words won't be seen as displayed.
For all the cases, I was not innocent for the mistakes I played.

In my little white space,
I was a device ready to detonate on a slow pace.
In my little white space,
only bottles and jars of thoughts that I, myself, have to embrace.
In my little white space,
even the thoughts of friends have to be erased.
In my little white space,
I thought it was a safe place, but became something I have to escape.

I escaped, not in a way you will feel relief.
That escape is just a way to believe.
I believed that I can finally breathe,
Because every time I escaped, I thought:
I would be stronger,
I would be better,
I would overcome the person I was, and yet,
The hole just became deeper underneath.

I was surrounded by walls that I made.
Maybe that was all for the lies and mistakes that have to be paid.
Maybe the exhaustion of my breath is the way I can repent.
Maybe in death, I will still feel discontent.

A cave that is hollow,
A cave that I covered,
A cave that I refuse to open,
A cave that is my mind,
A cave that will forever be the same,
A cave that has no longer tales to tell,
A bear living in that cave would have to say: Bear-well (Farewell).

I've seen you,
Held you,
Hugged you.

It's a bad habit of mine,
But I chose you.
I gave you gifts even if you didn't want to.
I made you smile on days painted in shades of blue.

Loving you feels wrong,
Like a passionate, off-note song.
You bring me joy despite the sorrow;
I'll cherish this moment—every second I borrow.

Loving you from afar is my heart's content,
But most days, the chance of us I lament.
I distance my emotions from this complicated chemistry;
I enjoy the hugs—for me, it's victory.

**** yourself,
**** yourself.
As my breath quickens,
My heart pounds, my hand stiffens.

My teeth grit,
desperate for salvation.
Confused and anxious,
Trapped in isolation.

I want to stab myself so bad,
Wishing to drain the black thoughts out of my head
Those dark, dark thoughts out of my head.
Yet your light shone, and pushed to safety instead.

I don't want to live, I want to reach peace.
WHY SHOULD IT WAIT IF I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN in one go?...
Why am I hesitant?
Why am I afraid?
Taking a step wouldn't be so hard,
I now will be dead.

You control what to say, you control what to do.
Your friends are broken, because of you.

You blame it on trauma,
You blame it on depression.
What more is out there,
Destroying yourself of obsession?

To what...
To push yourself to edge you don't want to go.
You're guilty, you're in vain.
"Oh I will change to nullify this pain".

What a theatre you're building.
What a stage your playing.

I know you want to die,
I know you don't want to hurt your friends.
Why everything has to be a lie?
A façade, just to meet your end.

You describe yourself like you deserve pity,
as if you have a large dramatic history.

If you want to do it, just do it.
Don't ever take any single one person with you.
Don't hug everyone while the fire is burning.
Don't drag them in your pain, you're feeling.

It does not do anything good,
You're ruining your own image.
Distrust, mishaps will happen.
Everything will be a scrimmage.

I'm not convincing to **** yourself,
neither not to **** yourself.
I'm just saying, this is your own problem.
You, yourself only has to be fallen.

Set yourself an eye,
as for You is I.

Thread carefully,
Trip and fall.
As you see it vaguely,
There's none for you at all.

Search, and seek
There's no one to meet.
As thou flashes life is full of lies,
Truth may be tricky, pain as it flies.

Isolate,
Soar,
Through that mindset of yours.

Is it easy?
Are you blind?
You'll suffocate on things you'll find.

As morning rises, dusk 'til dawn
Cold, shiver, afraid as fawn.
You feel it,
But you're too blind to see it

Things will change,
Scars will remain the same
I ought you to find a reason,
Something, or someone that make you smile
And isn't that simple?

Unpaved

Think...Think...Think...
What can these hands do?
What can your eyes see from this view?

Planning won't do any good,
How long will you stay glued?
When the time is right?
How long...
How long...
How long will we have to wait?
When we have enough time?

Time is gold, many fail to apply
that today may be your last breath and die.

There is A LOT to regret,
There is also a lot of mistake to make.
But we can never hit reset,
Fade those thoughts that ache.

Stuck and wondering...
Who.. or What am I?
an Artist, whose passion will be its fuel
a Developer, whose purpose is to entertain

or will I be stuck wondering who am I..
Be distracted from these jobs as I find myself still
waiting...
thinking...
on this unpaved path

It was a clear sunny day when I saw you sitting,
On the plains, the sun we can see it shining.

Smiling at the sky for what have you been thinking?
Are you worried that the sun is sinking?

Leaves are dancing,
Gales are racing,
A storm, we can see it moving.
"Droplets? is it raining?"

A frown in your face, it doesn't seem good.
You shouted, "Storms are rude!"
Words came out the bottom of your lungs,
Thus, your pendant began to rang!

The storm, the rain
"Is it gonna rain again?",
Those agony and pain
Of the storm, will rise once again.

Light shone, bright, is this the empty vast?
It was only me and you, at last.
Time paused as we ascended,
Where we have been beheaded.

It was you controlling the shine
The wind, the storm beyond that shrine.
Through the vast I told you to accept
Those pains are inevitable, we can't reject.

As I go through the storm
Trying to stop me, but you would be wrong.
I was saving you from your pain,
We must accept the rain.

We don't need to avoid the rain nor the pain.
It is an experience we must gain,
I'll kiss you goodbye.
Hope you reconsider making your own rain, your teary eyes that cry.