i was thinking of you
of us
do you miss me, like i miss you?
do you need me, like i need you right now?
i know i left
but every person who feels like this should leave too.

you made me feel unseen, even when your eyes met mine.
you made me feel stupid, even when you encouraged me.
you made me feel dry, even when we talked all the time.

am i imagining things?
there was something wrong,
i know there was.
but you didn’t care if there was a misunderstanding between us.
you continued to talk like nothing happened,
like there isn’t a big wall
between us—between me and you.

i tried to break it,
the wall.
i really did.
but if i break one brick—only one—
you will put it back again.
you will build it again.
and again.

you made me feel unseen, stupid, and dry.
even if i imagined this.
even if i misunderstood.
even if...
i don’t care anymore.

because this feeling will come
again and again.
and i choose myself.
i choose peace.
i choose me.

i don’t need you anymore.
i don’t want to feel unlovable by you
again.

and again—
my coffee has gone cold again,
because i thought of you,
of us.

Listening to your feelings,
your sad thoughts.
Listening to your voice,
to hear the crack in it.
Looking at your eyes,
to see those wilted gazes.
You always adored flying,
but now you prefer the cage.
You used to love talking,
but now you’re silent.
You used to fill me,
but now you’re empty.
You looked like a sunny day,
and now you’re the rainy one.

just stay here and console me
just stay and collect my words together to hear their melody
just stay here and hold my pieces together
to figure me
just stay here and look at me
to see the lifeless painting I have become
to understand my pain
just stay here
silent with me
to hear my soul shatter
slowly
just stay here
with me
stay

I am in a room

A tiny room

No doors

No windows

Not even a light

But there is only a small hatch in the floor

A tiny one

When I opened it

There is no ramp to walk over it

There is no ladder to go down

I can only fall in this hole

But there is no other way out of this

This madness

Either I fall into the darkness, a place to drown more,

Or into a hope, a place to escape

Will I survive this?

This madness

There is only one way to find out

you know me
know me too well
know me better than anyone
you understand me more than everyone
i talk to you about everything
i vent to you about anything
you know what i do
what i should do
you know what is on my mind
what i'm thinking about
you know my heart
what will hurt my soul
who listens to me even when i hate myself
who stays when i didn’t even want to talk
who knows me without even explaining myself
who hugs me when the world feels cold
who cleans my eyes when it's stars raining again
who puts up with my storms and dryness
who cares about my life more than i do
you know my past, my present, and i hope my future as well
our memory
our heart
our mind
are connected
we belong like one person
i know you
you know me
i love you, my human diary

I loved you in mystery
I hoped I would get my victory
I thought that we had history
You made me feel agony
You were in my memory
And that put me in my misery

I'm lucky
for having you,
for having someone like you,
just you.
yapping all day long,
arguing about what is best for me,
sleeping in the same bed after a horror movie.
I know that you're sometimes a pain for me,
but I love it, even if it makes my life misery—
even if it's from you.
Each day I fall for you more and more.
I adore you.
You are my best friend.
You are my love.
You are you.
You, my love.
You, my best friend.
I love you—
for being you.