what does it mean to 'continue'?

You have no worries yet, they've only just begun.
I know you're scared, worried, anxious.
But I promise you'll be fine.
Yes its bad as they say
High schoolers do ****.
But they have to grow up one day.
Keep your chin up.
Don't be shy.
Stand tall, take pride.
Do an after school activity
Join a club, go to games
Make friends you'll spend life with.
Trust me, it pays.
Don't pretend to be something you aren't
Never stop learning
Do your work, but don't let it consume you.
Ask. For. Help.
They want you to pass.
I'm proud of you.
Don't do drugs, or alcohol.
Seniors don't want to be friends with you, and avoid dating people older than you in highschool.
Don't have ***. Trust me.
Study hard but don't over work.
You may have been cool, but no one likes someone that's rude and cool people are only cool in highschool. Better to be nice.
Money isn't a problem for now, get that job junior year.
Take advantage of extra credit.
Have fun with your first year.
Drama isn't cool or cute, stay out of it.
Don't bother with lockers, just keep a book bag.
Take notes.
Stay away from fights.
You won't be stuck forever.
People will make fun of you because your younger, but ignore them. They were young once too.
Write future you letters, they'll be cringe and funny to laugh at later :)
Most importantly, your grades do matter, but so does your mental health.
Its OK to take breaks and ask for help.
Stay safe freshies.

a doe wandered into the clear path of the starry forest. three shots had rung out.
a buck lay flat on the clovers and tall grass.
a fawn beside him pawing the ground.
three frogs hopping in the trees.
down down down.
the doe lay beside the fawn as it denied the inevitable, inescapable truth.
he was gone.
she was here.
and the frogs sang a sappy tune.
"ohhh cry out sweet sorrow, the dragonflies skitter away! the cats are out and the mice are at play. whistle sour melodies and harmonious truth, the deer have crossed over, behind stayed their youth."
the young doe shooed away the silly frogs before the hunters heard.
poor fawn.
no mama in sight.

1: when i was 4 i was a model. my mom starved me for a lot of that time. i quit when i was 5.

2: when i want to cut myself, i make myself read three books.

3: im hyperlexic. ive been reading since i was 3 1/2.

4: i have osdd 1-B but us "I/Me/Myself" for things so people dont get weird about it.

5: i love music

6: my family has 5 generations of teen pregnancy by ****.

7: my bio grandma was shot at 15 after having my mom.

8: ive been stabbed 3 times.

9: my dad fed me **** gummies on accident one time.

10: im using a kindle to write this. yes a kindle. black and white. meant only for books.

cerul wasnt an average child.
they were smart
kind
charming
elegant
sweet

at least thats what adults told them.
cerul didnt lack much
save for... inspiration. cerul wasnt one to be inspired easily.
cerul looked at all the other colorful children and then looked down upon their dark grey hands.
they felt ugly.
one fateful day, crimson happened to walk up to cerul and they sat together. crimsor took down her flowing, bright red hair and put her tie into ceruls hair. a flow of red went through their pale hair.
crimson smiled and left.

cerul was jealous.
to them it came easy.
they never lost color.
or inspiration.
they didnt lack talent.
colorful children were always favoured.
they would never have a home.

cerul talked to all kinds of people.
sage
aqua
prussian
even prune and azure.

none of them had advice.

cerul sat against the floor one day and cried. for many hours they cried.
they cried until the grey smudged into black.
until the red rushed from their hair.
until they were numb again.

cerul waited for something; anything to happen.
and nothing ever did.

a girl
oddity
out of time
wrong place
no reason
no rhyme
wasting space
a rich commodity
unfurl

cards slip up the sleeves
the red reflecting only for a moment
the soft glowing of pale white
and the deep crimson marring it.
pull a trick
and only the people who know themselves
how the trick is pulled
will ever know you did it again.

Hurting people is easy.

like throwing a *Rock

into a still pond

the glass *-breaks-

r i p p l e s

and
                             down

              sinks
                                  the
                 *Rock*


but...

youll never know.

                                             how deep it went.

when the people come
to steal your hope
bare your teeth
don't give up

when the people come
they take your things
sink in your teeth
make it sting

when they come
to take you away
put up a fight
sink your teeth in
don't let them leave
without knowing
who
you
really
are.

Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water
Blood runs thicker than water

Yet both are the same if you earn her trust.

I am still her daughter
I still love my father
The truth couldn't be farther

And I'll still be here when the fences rust.

My love is thicker than water
My love is stronger than blood
My love could never be stronger

I am the last handprint you'll see in the dust.

You've ruined the color blue for me,
I'm surrounded by your lies.
You made me smile but honestly,
You ruined the color blue for me.

You took your dagger and stabbed it through,
jabbing it into my heart.
Tearing my
Itty
Bitty
Girl
Brain
Apart.

You infested my dreams,
ruled in my night terrors,
stole my peace of mind.

I can't believe there was a time I thought that you were kind.

YOU TOOK AWAY MY SANITY,
Ate away at my skin.
I itch and scratch and rip out chunks,
yet you keep filtering in.

You ruined the color blue for me,
I see it everywhere.
Your eyes,
Your fists,
Your bruised and strangled lips.

The blue is always there.

Not saying I don't like you.
Your skin, your hair, your eyes...
I'd just love to see your blood,
to taste your sweet demise.

I love your pretty teeth,
shiny, sharp, and red.
But oh they'd be so much sweeter,
tasting them while you were dead.

Darling, little Moon Beam...
shining so wonderfully 'Blue'.
Let me see your Bones.
Let me finally taste you.

I am drowning in the bubbles that my father introduced me to.
sipping on things I never should have known about
at such a young age

I am genuinely scared about my very existence.
I am so, so exhausted.

I drink until my eyes blur and the world spins.
Then when I wake up
I am still tired.

bubbles.

what a funny concept...

tiny little spheres

floating

in the sips of drinks I should not have.

stop wallowing in your sorrow
no one is garunteed tomorrow

I wanna hear you say it
Don't want to need to rephrase

You love to feel this way
So you scream, could it be?

You give it all away
Admission free, could it be?

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

I want you to write it down
It's not you, it's me, why I keep coming around

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

Abdicated, celibate
More than had enough of it

I can hear but I cannot see
Crybaby.

i want to cut again
make pretty little lines
i want to take the razor
and make it my demise

i want to cut again
watch the red pour
i want to cut my legs
behind a closed door

see, i used ro cut daily
before my friends found out
i made another promise
"what was that about?"

my parents used to yell at me
my friends used to try
the worst reaction that i got
was seeing Moonbeam cry

i want to cut again
now that moon is gone
i want to hurt again
its really been too long.

healed scars litter my trashed body. my skin a mural, a testament, to my battles. i used to do it to punish. now i do it to feel something, anything.

oh to continue to cut
deeper and deeper
until i am no longer human.
but bones.

humans are no more than their secrets.
cutting into them reveals how disgusting or beautiful they truly are

i am a horrible person

i know its not healthy to dwell on the pain
to dull my knives
just numbing my brain

we know its unhealthy to push people away
to isolate
then beg to be saved.

broken ship
on the sea of wide eyes
broken glass
taken lives

"taken from us far too early"
oh if only they knew
jumping on the cut trampoline
the poet finally flew

its unhealthy to write poems
of only sadness and regret
the awful sad truth is?

you have seen nothing yet.

Dear dad,

when you left, it broke mommy.
you hurt her
an then as soon as she tried to get better you tried to take me away
you hurt me deeply too you know
not only me
not only her
you hurt nana, poi.
you hurt us all
as soon as i was "old enough" i was used
and you defended your brother
because of course you did.
you chose him over me
i hate you.

i dont really.
i dont.
i love you
because im supposed to.

Love,
Holly.

dear mom,

when i was born to a 16 year old, do you think it was my plan to hurt you? to ruin you? i made your life hell, i know. but this was out of my control.
mommy i love you
mommy look im reading
look how smart i am
look how good i am
look how nice i am
look how kind i am
see how tired i am
see how lonely i am
how alone
how sickly
mommy why wont you answer me
have i done something wrong?
i did everything for you.
no matter how hard i tried it was never enough.
when daddy came back to get me
you fought
you genuinely loved me
and i never wanted to see him
i loved you
daddy had left
hurt me
hurt you
but as soon as you won
didnt you cry?
wish i had been taken?
i remember that night you prayed to god for me to go away
how i was hurting you
you were my age when you had me
nearly an adult
adult enough to go to that party
to go find your man friend
to lie and say you coud drink
but what happened?
daddy forgot he hated condoms.
forgot he didnt like consent
yet it was my faut after
im sorry mommy
im sorry i wasnt good enough.
fast forward me 2019
taking it out on my grades and never happy
put on a mask for the parents and bottle up my sorrow study and work til i see the light of tomorrow
suddenly im 13
hardly 3 days clean
picking up scraps and taking pills i cant seem
to pronounce the names of
my grades are slipping
my life crumbling
im turning fifteen in 3 weeks
its like you dont even know me.
like you kept having kids to fil the void
stopl hurting me
i didnt deserve it
i was always good
i did everything to make you happy

love,
Holly

i think about you all the time
you always manage to cross my mind
in the dark
at school
with my mom
with bee
i see you everywhere
i am always reminded
you did not love me
you didnt really get to know me
and i know you will never see this
i know you wouldnt care
you thinking of me every now and then
is not reward
but entirely painful.

No. Worse than that.
She loved you in every single one, just not ours.
She cared for me once in all my life when it benefitted her.
And cast you out when it was convenient to save you.
She loved us in all but one.
And we got the shortest straw...

The world doesnt care that you exist
hide your pain and slit your wrists
cover the scars and let them bleed
black out at school filled with greed
get home cut deeper and dont let them see you cry
so pathetic
you dont get it
dont look me in my eyes

hurt yourself
your hurting others
but do you even care
stupid little sunshine
if i hurt you its only fair.

lace and distaste
affection and addiction
obsession and possession
the pain without gain
the rotting of the brain

the parents pride and prune and preen
you've finally turned 15

lack of sleep
little to eat
just take more medication
if that doesnt help, review it on yelp
and theyll say you just lacked dedication.

the adults find you fit to be seen
"you're not actually 15?"

the brain shutting down
systems start to drown
you're  not  in  the  best scene

welcome one
welcome all

another fool turning fifteen.

-Ajs

fourteen*

Woe is the child
That turns 14
When life was already lived
Before he was keen.

Woe is the soul whom
When asked why he cries
He shuts down
Shuts up
And rolls his eyes.

Woe is the boy
Turning 14
Scared to lose himself
Nowhere to be seen.

I see you.
I hear you.
I love you too.
But I'm afraid to lose you
Far too soon.

Yours, Vivere.

I sit on the cold tile
outside my class
people walking by
cold digging into my ***

the squeak and buzz of basket ball boys
girls laughing around the corner.
I work on my project
my poems
my life

and somehow it doesn't get any warmer.

in my native language, this is my name.

it means "Cannibal Woman"

it is well deserved

I am chickasaw.

we talked about everything
and nothing at all
be it in bed
or a bathroom stall

going to sleep
staying awake
we did more
than we thought we could take

m
o
o
n

and i


he liked my poems
and i adored his
words from the heart
sealed with a kiss.

i miss his poems
the sun and the moon
our sunlets

he likes my poems
and i like him.

his words tangled into his heart, pulling and strangling his blood.
the ink would spew through his eyes, and when he got his hands on paper,
haunting tales of sweet creatures and punishment from devinity.
his stories meant more then anything they taught us to learn.
his words were the things that he left behind.

I don't think you know
Just how much
I wish you would look at me
How you look at them
How you looked at him.
I wait for your poems daily
Your notes of absolute gold
And I wish
On every 11:11
For you

when people get hungry
they eat
when anorexics get hungry
they starve
when bulimics get hungry
they binge
when i get hungry
i...

i want to rip open your torso.
tear out your heart.
eat your very soul.
drink up your tears.

i want to feast.

yet i lay here.

hunger
boiling
up
slowly
getting
worse
over time.

if i were to close my eyes
take away the pain
i could fly
like a bird
not a plane
id reach the moon
the stars
the sky
i close my eyes
and i can fly

i envy the stars,
the way you would stare at them and smile
how you looked so longingly toward them
you wanted to join them
and then you tried.
in your trying, you did not reach them.
you stayed here, on this rotting rock, stuck with me.
your smile has gone away forever. you dont laugh anymore.

i wish i had never let you envy me.
like i envy you
and envy the great shining lights that surround us.

"im lonely, so lonely."
the saphire cries.
"the moon is dark, gone frome the skies."
she glistens and sharpens in her hue.

"if only, if only"
the gemstones reply
"you would be moved, we could see your eye"
they believe a change is due

yes only, if only, the change would come

The sweetest of confections
The dearest of affections
Sweet nothings to the ear
A  symphony you will never hear
Spindly drawings on the wrists
A horrid mural with a twist
Shattered wings that cannot fly
Turn around and say goodbye
Close your eyes and wish for love
From a supposed deity up above
Hope for tomorrow
Live for today
There is still so much left to say
Soft melodies in the harsh, humid air
But no one listens or seems to care
Take a breath and rest your head
Fall to the ground, an earthy bed
Taste the comfort and feel the warmth
Hear the music and go forth
Learn your lesson, seize the day
Forge The path
Pave the way.

i lost a friend today.
not to death.
almost to death.
i called the police as they attempted.
they have stopped talking to me.
they are angry

i lost a friend today
i wish i had done better.
they almost left.
without a word.
i wish they hadnt told me.

i lost a friend today.

If you were to ask her friends what she'd say
They'd reply "I'm going to conquer the world today."
not conquer as to take over, more as to overcome
she wanted to save the worlds, rid them of all ****.

When she is manic, she tends not to panic, realities altered and all thoughts vanish.
She would look at you and happily say,
"I want to conquer the world someday."

She walks with a bounce, her steps all over the place
a plastered smile never leaving her face.
Her music is loud, revolting, and proud.
Her smile is contagious, her mood seemingly outrageous.

Risking everything, she lets them in, protection made out a sin.
A single mistake, is all it could take, and it would be over.
She should panic.
But she doesn't, for she is manic.

She smiles at you, lazy eyes.
The world leaving her mind with no goodbyes.
She smiles at you and you know what she'll say;

"I conquered the world today."

I'm probably not going to **** myself.
lose myself into the void.
fall asleep in silence
in my eyes emotions devoid.
I'll just take a bunch of pills or cut my pretty wrists
distract myself from the sirens and ball them into fists.
im probably not gonna **** myself
theres not enough reason to
no one who can help me
nothing at all

i know ill upset someone
i know people would be mad
but this overwhelming sadness
this numbness
this emptiness

the voices getting louder
the people screaming in my ears
the stupid stupid noise

i know i wont.
im too scared.
i dont want to die.
i just want to feel again

I saw a dog
He reminded me of you
He walked the same, would've talked the same
An he had red ish hair too.
He reminded me to Text you
I hope I made you laugh
You have all of your limbs
Of one he had only half.
He looked over
He smiled
I swear, I promise its true
I saw a dog the other day
He reminded me of you

Isn't it so funny
as soon as you get back with him
the truth bites you in the ***
again
isnt it so funny
as soon as hes gone you crawl right back to us
i wont let you hurt her again.
if my body is made of tiny broken stars
yours is filled with the trash discarded in the void of space.
isnt that funny f?

As

I want to feel you
To sit in your skin
I want to wear you
To hide within

I want to be you
To let people know
You're an amazing person
wherever I go

I want to feel you
to hold you close
but now you're gone
like a ******* ghost...

(I wore blue)

It was spring, I remember.
2022
My mother didnt wake me.
left it to the Sun's golden hue.
When she awoke, "why must you forsake me?!"
Thats when I knew.
We parked in a garden of stone,
So many things to do.
As she rested her grey head,
dressed up in red,
while I wore blue.
Would grammy have been cross?
She was always the boss.
I honestly have no clue...
But for all who may have wondered,
this much I'm sure is true.
No one as sad as I that night,
the night that i wore blue.

For every one of your tragedies
I will write happy endings

For every one of your bad days
I will help make good ones

For every one of your break downs
I will be there to pick you up

For every skipped meal
I will treat you to comfort

For every forgotten memory
I will make new ones with you

For every forgotten line
A daisy for the courage to try

For every tear shed
A smile shared

For every scar
A star

You are gold
And I, yellow.

love is like a wild fire.

not in the way that it spreads and is warm making you so enamoured in someone

no

love is like the stinging heat of the blaze surrounding my home

attacking

unforgiving

love is the flames of heated passion that devour and encapsulate entire families in destruction

love takes everything you hold dear

everyone

and tears them to shreds.

love is not kind to everyone.

love sometimes looks like hatred.

i will do anything
just to feel everything
that anybody can
that everybody can

i would do everything
just to feel anything
i would cut i would burn i would crash
i would be the tray for your ash

cuz now i cant
feeel your toouch
without it stinging
and i cant heear youur voice
with my ears ringing

i drop the knife to the floor
run straight to the door
and i scream
"i just want to feel like my life aint a dream"

(anything; everything) ©Sunny Semloh 2025

You say, "I hate you," you mean it
And "I love you" sounds fake
It's taken me so long to figure that out
I used to love the taste, I would do anything for it
Now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth