I gave you a third of my life
Almost exactly 10 years of it
After so many years you changed
After so many years my health spiraled
You couldn't handle it anymore, obviously
Because you started to act so obnoxiously
Leaving me to care for myself
Because you abandoned me
Like the nicknacks on your dusty shelf
You stopped helping
You stopped caring
You stopped hoping
You stopped praying
You even stopped loving me
Every time I cried out for help
You gave me excuse after excuse
And when you finally did help
You did it half assed or wrong
Because my conditions always got worse
So in the end, i suffered from spousal abuse
It's been said that you were trying
To put me in a hearse
Because you went and messed around
I left you after I realized our love was
6 feet under the cold, harsh ground
I left when I realized you had feelings
For all our mutual friends
And not one of them spoke up
Or dared to come clean by making a sound
I left and you slept with all our friends
In that one small, yet big city town
For the longest time, I was bitter
But I came to understand that it was you all along
Who ruined my personal love for myself,
You were the one who stopped me
From singing my fight song
But in the end, I still managed to came out on top
Stop blaming me and putting my name in the dirt
You knew what you were doing,
I should be the one who truly feels the hurt
It's not my fault for the drugs you started to pop!!
Because you pushed me into the arms of
a man whose love never stopped
To this day he's still by my side
So I guess I owe it all to you in the end
For introducing me to my ride or die
For giving me my true blessing
Because in the end, I thought you were the one
But it turns out, you were just 9.5 years of a lesson


Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/30/2025

You lied to me when you were sober
But told me the truth when you were drunk
Sober you, always said sorry
Drunk you, showed that sorry
without change is manipulation
Sober you, always said you cared about me
Drunk you, always told me the opposite,
Just how much you actually
truly hated and despised me
Then when you just started to drank
From the beginning of the sunrise
To the ever last moment of the sunset
That's when things changed,
Became horrifying and turned around
That's when I knew, things
between us were never sound
You became the true meaning of an abuser
You cheated on me with an underage girl
Just because I wouldn't allow
you to trick me into using her
When I kept denying a *******
You just went ahead and did your own crime
You cheated on me with
an underage girl, so.. Wholesome
Things after that got even worse
This is when my life started to
feel like it was forever cursed
You threatened me with words.
You said you'd run me over
One winter evening,
that almost came true
That one winter evening,
I knew it was you!
That evening I was wishing
on the closest 4 leaf clover
You would take butcher knives
and hold them to my throat
You used to walk up behind me,
and put your arm around my neck
To the point I was losing the ability
to breathe and starting to choke
To this day if I see a butcher knife,
I am a complete nervous wreck
You caused more mayhem than anything else,
Causing turmoils and extreme havoc
You were always drunk so you
didn't know what real food was
I had to make or cook the same
**** for you every **** day
And if I didn't make or cook your food correctly,
You'd take your plate of food and
walk to the trash can and throw it away
You'd then push me hard into the counter,
my back being pushed into the edge
Making the dishes in the strainer
Come loose and fly onto the ground,  off the ledge
You cheated on me so much
with this not so innocent underage girl
You ended up really changing my whole world
I was faithful, I was honest, I was loyal
You treated me like a slave and
I still treated you godly,
like you were some kind of royal
So when the doctor came into the exam room
And told me that I contracted an STD
I was shocked, speechless!
Because I knew it didn't come from me!
I guess I can say I'm pretty lucky,
That it wasn't anything of the sorts of ***
Nope, in fact, you gave me HPV!!
The hell I've been through because of this
The hell I've been through because of you
Any kind of justice, simply just won't do
I've had to have surgeries to
get rid of precancerous cells
I've had to have tests done on my ******
Just to make sure that all is well
I'm on the mends now, I'm finally clear
But I'll never forget any of this hell
Because sober you lied to me,
always said you cared
And the drunk you, became who you really are
The drunk you, was always gone, never there
The drunk you gave me something
That will always remind me of you
And that's so hard sometimes to bare
Because you made my life so truly unfair!


Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/30/2025

Two months of butterflies and ugly lies
You turned so quickly I was speechless
You became someone I wish I never knew
Because you were no longer… you
You became some evil kind of thing
I can't compare you to a monster
Because you did things
That made my heart no longer want to beat
You became something much worse
When you got bored, and desperate
Bored and desperate to regain control
Because you helped build me into a stone
You just couldn't handle my new found attitude tone
Because I was doing everything a fiance should do
But you were always too busy
ignoring me and on your phone
You built me up so well, that I became a wall
I started to take matters into my own hands
When you and I could start fighting on demand
You built me up…just to tear me down and watch me fall
How could you just walk out of the door
And get in your vehicle and drive off?
I don't know anyone around here, I have no one to call
You started to lose compassion,
And I became too independent, and too confident
I became a Queen, and too powerfully dominant
You didn't like it, so you started making threats
There were days and nights you did things
To me that I wish I could just simply forget
You have turned out to be one my most hateful regrets
I never gave up your name or information
So I'll never get the satisfaction of any kind of justification
And that's fine because what you did to me
Was out of this world! You started abusing me!
Mentally, emotionally, verybally, physically, and sexually!
You did things to me that shouldn't be anywhere close
To a woman's reproductive organs. But you didn't care
You took whatever you could find and stuck it inside of there
That's when I started to wish I never went there
Because the things you did to me was far from fair
You made me wear wigs when I told you why I didn't want hair
I can't believe you went to the extreme of doing what you did
The mental bruises were becoming visual,
As my skin around my legs started turning purple
Shampoo bottles, brushes… well… even things that you eat!
After that I wanted to stop eating completely
As I was all alone, all by myself, I didn't have any kind of support
For 5 months I was trapped in this mans house
And for 3 months out of those 5 months, I was tortured
I was always naked, forced to go to bed without a blouse
Only so he could pretend to love me when no one was there
He knew what he was doing, he needed to witnesses
So that if I ever told, there'd be no case, just absences
I finally got away when I went back to my original hometown
But since I've been here everything's gotten even worse
Because it won't be long before my mom leaves in a hearse
I swear I've got a streak of bad luck, I must be cursed
I have been through a lot and I have survived a lot
I am a victim, no more, as I am a newfound warrior!
And I'm happily married now, and the torture is over!!


Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/27/2025

Man, when it came to you
I couldn't wait for it to be over
For you to finally be gone
You have no idea what you put me through
Just pretended to be interested in me
Treated me like I was a *******
You made me uncomfortable every time you said
"Shut up ***** and bend over"
I was shocked, confused and lost.
I wanted to be seen but at what cost?
Did things I've never done before
But he left one day,
And that was the last time he walked through my door
He texted me later on that evening
and said something like;
"I don't want to be with you anymore;
You have too many ready flags."
Again, I was shocked, confused, and lost.
I thought to myself briefly "Me? Red Flags?"
"Are you serious right now?" I texted back
That was the last time I ever received a message from him
He had demons that were starting to show from within
And I didn't feel safe anymore,
especially while being intimate
I needed a break, I wanted a break
He'd just always laugh and shrug it off
If I didn't do what he wanted
That's when threats were beginning to be made
He'd just say "You said you liked it rough"
I nervously sighed and responded with;
"Yeah, I used to. Now I think I've had enough"
"*** is supposed to be consensual;
Not so nerve wrecking and tough."
The emotional and mental damage from this man
Took me by surprise when I wanted to die
At the fate of my own two hands


Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/27/2025

I was there all the time, while you were gone
One day you were there, the next day, gone
Everything was going good
So I never understood what went wrong
I never understood what I did so wrong
Because one day you were there
And the next day; bright, and early, gone
I never understood how another girl
Became your "number one"
Things started to turn south
When I noticed you were gone more
You'd make sure you were always quiet
When you managed to make your way home
And came through the door
Quiet as can be, so you didn't wake me up
Because you didn't want me to know
That you were actually out after work
With some girl who had a baby
Which made you look like a creep
How could you hit me below the belt, so deep?
You went and wandered the streets
Looking for someone else to satisfy
You and your petty selfish needs
You were playing house with someone else
Giving someone else the attention I was supposed to get
Not even caring to ask how I even felt
You hit me in the face one, slapped rather
That was a one time thing, not a big deal or matter
Because you hit me in front of my mother
And she told you point blank
"If you're going to hit my daughter;
You need to take a breath and really think"
And then I chimed in with;
"It's okay because if he ever tries or does it again;
I'll go to jail for breaking his **** hand."
The audacity this fool think he had
Cheated on me because I can't have kids
And he apparently wanted to be a dad
All you had to do was say something to me
That's something I would have come to understand
But instead you became unfaithful and left me sad
I really had feelings for you because I became obsessed
Starting going to work with you
And sitting in your vehicle for 8-12 hours like I was possessed
You drove me so crazy I didn't know what else to do
Then one day it all became clear
I wasn't needed anymore here
So I left, and never looked back.

Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/25/2025

You were someone I thought I could trust
But I was far from right, as I was completely wrong
Because you didn't want anything to do with me
When I made the attempts to create our own song
You waited until the lights got turned down or off
You waited until the shades were closed
I wish I never stayed with you,  
But my feelings for you were too deep
You waited until I was sound asleep
You waited so you could slide
your hands underneath my clothes
You waited to show your true intentions
You waited to show your true self,
And I just have to be honest,
I was consumed more by disgust
Because you were someone
I thought I honestly could trust
Every night though, you just waited until I was asleep
to do what you needed to,
I can't believe what I went through
In order to relieve yourself,  
because you needed to bust a nut
So I figured out what you were actually doing one night
By pretending to be sound asleep,
just the way you liked it, or so it seemed
And I would breathe as if I was sleeping,
Just so you wouldn't catch me
While I was watching you creeping
Taking my hand and stroking your shaft
I realized what was happening
when the blankets seem to miraculously move
And I suddenly started shaking, catching a cold draft
You were disgraceful, you were obnoxious
You are a ****** predator looking for it's next prey
I hope one day you literally get put away
You did things to me when I was sleeping!
How can you wake up the next day
Smiling, with that on your conscience
I just continued to let it happen,
and I still don't know why
Because it's been many years since then,
and I still sit here and cry
Maybe it's because I just don't understand
Why you would abuse me while I'm asleep
And not just use your own **** hand!
You are a very troubled boy,
And you are someone who will never be a man!



Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/24/2025

He who shall not be named,
Is the beginning, the creator, the cause
Of the rewiring, and the broken pieces to my brain
For I was just only 18 years old
He was a little older, maybe 20
But what he put me through
Felt like a world of hell, eternally
For I was not experienced, I was a ******
It all changed after the night I gave in,
With barely an ounce of courage
For after that, he changed and became sexually enraged
I didn't want it like he did, My life was becoming a bid
I would lock myself in the bathroom like it was a hidden cage
Only because he forced himself upon me and I always cringed
He tried busting through the door!
So I got really scared and started shouting
I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS ANYMORE!!
But it didn't help, a house full of people
And all I could do was silently cry, and welp
Being dragged back to the bedroom that I now hated
Feeling so disrespected, so misguided, so jaded
I would tell him no, please don't do this
He'd look at me and tear my clothes off,
With an eager look in his eyes, as he's licking his lips
I'd push him away, I'd push him off of me!
But he was stronger and he held me down!
He covered my face with a pillow, hollowing out the sound
A house full of people, and they thought I was just going to town
After a while I gave up and let him just have it, have me
And every relationship after that, was the same
Yet, somehow, so much more differently
The bruises I had developed on the inside of my legs
Were always blue and purple, and sometimes even beat red!
Only the punishment didn't stop there, that's where it began
He treated me like I was part of a *******
Like I was just some pig he wanted to hurt and hang
After 6 months, I finally told him I needed space
I don't know how I managed to gather the strength
To look this monster in his eyes, straight to his face
I told him, I said,
"You need to leave and never come back to this place!"
The next day I told everyone who was there at the house
But no one believed me, so I continued to live in trauma
All by myself, and all alone, and as silent as a mouse.
For he was the first person to introduce me into a world like that
Which is something I'm trying my hardest to let go of and forget!


Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/24/2025