It’s calm here, peaceful even for those who look at the scene in front of them;
There wasn’t fear, there was no more sadness;
But there also wasn’t any hope left, and life.

I saw it all unfold as if it wasn’t me;
I saw this little girl that was done with everything ;
She picked up her oh so familiar orange bottle and took one pill;
And then another, and another, and another until there were none left.

I watched as she lay down looking at her stars filled roof and a single tear escaped her face;
It wasn’t pain or remorse;
It was guilt.

Guilt for the nightmares she would cause to whatever poor soul would find her there;
Guilt for the consequences it would have on her family;
But most of all guilty for the future she could have had.

I watched as the scene unfold with this eerie sense of peace;
Until I woke up in a sweat-drenched bed;
With a complete loss of my ability to breathe.

I could feel my heart beating and the coldest of the room as it hit the wet path my tears left stained in my face;
I was afraid, as anyone would be;
But I wasn’t afraid of the dream.

I was afraid of my inability to understand what my tears represented;
Fear of the situation itself ;
Of sadness for my return to reality.

I haven’t been feeling well,
I have been feeling down,
Not knowing what to do with my life,
Nothing seems to be working,
Nothing seems worth it;

I feel overwhelmed,
I feel stressed,
I am scared,
and yet,
I feel so empty;

Why do I feel so empty?

I remember feeling accomplished, proud and happy,
But it feels like a distant memory,
Like a memory from a past life,
That like everything else just disappeared with the winds of time;

And yet;

They feel real enough that I can keep being hopeful,
And in a way,
It just makes everything harder,
Sadder,
I feel enough to keep going but not enough to know if it’s worth it;

I can’t help but question myself,
Why? How? When?
Why do I keep feeling like this?
How do I get better?
When did I lose myself?
Is it worth it?

Or,
Should I join myself with the memories and just disappear with the winds of time.