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I'm scared of loving  
because of you
I hate the way I am
I hate how I love to quickly
And leave so easy
I hate that I complain
I hate that I'm not enough for myself
I hate me, I hate me, I hate me
I hate me so so so much
Why do I have to be like this
I'm stuck
People talk of
Comparing apples to oranges
Like its some pointless exercise
But Apples are boss
And oranges ****
I wouldn't tell you any lies.
 2d Ash
Amanda
BPD
 2d Ash
Amanda
BPD
I want to believe in steady things,
but even my own reflection changes
when I look too long.
Are you here?
Do you love me?
Will you stay?
I ask without asking,
watching for the answer
in the way your hands move,
the way your breath hesitates before a word.

I know I feel too much,
ask too much,
but the silence between us is louder
than anything I could say.
So I fill it.
With words, with fear, with love—
all spilling over,
all too much,
all at once.

And still, I wonder, if it’s enough.
You are the God of endings and beginnings.
so thank You, for every thing You bring to completion through the running of its course.
thank You, that if things end, there is hope for new beginnings.
I lost, I broke, I burned to the ground,
Yet from my ashes, my crown unbound.
Through fire and fury, I carved my way,
Not for the world, but for the price I’d pay.

With sharpened mind and heart untamed,
I faced the void and felt no shame.
I reach for heights no soul has known,
Not for praise, but to claim my throne.

Where meaning blooms through love and pain,
Where every scar is gold to gain.
I’ll fall again—that truth I own,
But in each fall, my strength has grown.

I rise for me, for kin, for fire,
To light the path and take it higher.
Not for envy, nor for fame,
But for love, for will, for the name.

So let them watch, let them see,
What man can be when truly free,
When fire transforms to endless light,
When loss becomes the fuel for might.

Golden I rise, no crown I need,
The gold within is all I’ll heed.
I build, I climb, I break the chain—
For in my soul, the gold remains.
The Golden Remains” is the next chapter in my journey, a continuation of the ideas explored in my earlier work, "Golden, I Rise." While "Golden, I Rise" spoke of embracing the struggle, forging strength from pain, and building a path fueled by resilience, "The Golden Remains" takes that journey further. It reflects a deeper understanding of the internal process—the refining of one's spirit, the realization that the true gold is the wisdom, growth, and love we carry within. It is the product of all the fire and struggle, the golden truth we earn by walking through hardship and emerging unbroken. The crown is within, the gold is earned, and the journey continues.
Do not come too close—God will cry.
A silent watcher in the endless sky.
A duty held for endless years,
Yet even gods can drown in tears.

To see it all and never change,
To watch, unmoved, through joy and pain.
What if, one day, He let it go?
A whisper lost beneath the snow.

Would He surrender? Would He break?
Would He abandon what’s at stake?
If even He could lose His mind,
Then what of us, so weak, so blind?
This poem explores the weight of responsibility, the fear of losing purpose, and the unsettling thought that even the strongest may break. If divinity can waver, what does that say about us?
 May 5 Ash
Akriti
Parents always tell their daughters:
"Don't stay late, it's not safe."

Can't parents tell their sons:
"Don't disrespect, do not ****.
They too are human beings,
just like you are."
 May 4 Ash
Parker
I can lay awake at night, screaming for salvation.
Pleading with a lord that has never once lent me a helping hand.

I can pray, I can hope, I can wish.
God has never been my savior.
He watched me suffer in silence and still he never spoke.

My skin burns,
and im scared he may be my only chance.

Pitiful God. Pitiful me.
 Apr 30 Ash
Kezexxe
1 & 2
 Apr 30 Ash
Kezexxe
Life with 1,
Is no life at all.

But when theres life with 2,
Everything is true.
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