Which is heavier, my body or this heart of mine?

The quantity of the heart is much harder to reassure.
Life is full of assumptions and depressing pressures.
Undecided but I’m riding the ocean waves.
Instinct is my driven force, wanting to be brave.

I walk in a road where the path has a dead glow.
I kiss the shadow of nothing, to endure - I stay low.
Obedient as I am, the ocean is my starting point, down below
       to where I creep and swim in slow-mo.

My feet had grown cold doing what he has been told.
The needy feeling had gone old.

I open my heart to go bold.
Just another piece of my life unfolds.

Little black bird,
I was once you
I died inside myself and hung in the shadows
There was nothing on this earth lonelier than I was
Just as you write

I was once you
I saw a slight glimmer on earth and that was only a puddle beneath my feet from my tears falling off my face
I saw humanity but nothing worth saving
I felt nothing and screamed inside all day long until it was time to finally rest for a few hours
I answered questions doubtfully and walked alone

I was once you
Silence understood me better than anyone could ever begin to
Darkness was my best friend
Love was my enemy
Family was a foreign concept
The sidewalk knew me better than I wanted to admit
My diary stared me back in the face and mocked me
The mirror couldn't stand me
My eyes were always hazy
And music was my savior

The realm in which I lived was heavy
Every day was an ongoing battle of depression and it was never ending
Life was a sick joke and happiness did not exist. Ever.

Because I was once you,
I know that you are great.
I know how beautiful you really are inside
Beneath the destruction,
In the place where nobody else knows where to find
Someplace you have not yet discovered

Trust me little black bird,
You may be small but you are not overlooked.
You may feel weak
But you are stronger than you realize.

i want to crawl
out of my skin
air my blood vessels,
calm their restless
nerves, drinking only
makes it worse
i choose to merge
muscles with elements
hot to cold,
snow covered
organs breathing
on their own,
and when i
put them back in
the blood beats
differently,
on the bus rides & in
the traffic jams
i smell tree pines,
fells, mountains

i wait
expectantly
willing you
to look my way
you are the only one
i've noticed
across a room
full of uninteresting
people
your smile
poked me
i turned
and there you were
now i wait
eager
for that one glance
because when our eyes lock
i will try
and reel you in.

how does a man
who has done what you have done
live with himself
look at himself
-in the mirror