Chemical dependency, with a side of intimate conductivity, followed by romantic conspiracy, turned to emotional connectivity.
without for-sought thought, proceed to three years of Hot Love turned to three months of Cold War.

Violent codependence, bandaged by hopeful commitments, failed by unchecked addictions, and annunciated by priceless resentments, punctuated by lost trust and an honest compassion.

Fight tooth and nail for higher ground, feeling faithless and unforeseen worthlessness.

Realized lack of influence, led by justified relapse, a broken heart or two and a few weeks later, loneliness earned and hopelessness learned.

Try to scramble back to the to the idea of the connection once perfect, now weathered and tired, filled with tired resentment, and unresolved disagreement.

Love & Lust, into Trustless Treason.

I will stand tall against the machine of time's toll on love, tears in my eyes and fear in my heart. Why should I back down.

And why should I not.

I would rather be trampled with suffering than choose one and regret either.

One lover's stand off.

One lover's lament.

Stuck in the middle of this heavily trafficked highway, feet shoulder width apart, stuck in concrete, committed to resistance.


-RÆ

Un legible.   Notes scribbled in pain
Ment for somebody to never read
Lessons unlearned leaving bare skin
Naked like flesh canvas

Todays sun felt lonely
Drenched in isolation
Melting for acceptance
Draping light upon empty carcasses
Feeling the gravity of the space between

An embrace no one can fulfill
Without the proper tools
The days will be spent empty
Full of giving solar flares of its former self
Begging for a better understanding
feeling altruism at the core

Life is so precious, short ,
Full of surprises.  
I have so many questions , a boy
Smoking away his message.
Looking through the dirt, the dust ,
The past revealing itself.
Breathe it all in, fog ,
Thicker than Chardonnay.
Learn another lesson, heartbreak
Try and leave the monotony

What is promised for tomorrow
Today ?

Light
Color yourself indigo
Go on i dare you too
Sad but laughing buckets
Cleaning the floor with light

Oxy clean you are something
Modern poetic verbal stumbling
Left only to throw ***** shirts
Into the closet - hurt my feelings

See right through you

We seek love because in love we are validated in our perfect flaws and exactitude of malformation and in love we are given reason not to hate ourselves for the things we see are wrong but cannot change even if we spent a millenia in an instant or infinite instants in eternity struggling to shake off the shackles of our humanity which is both our captor and liberator in this,
life,
yes we recognize its importance in allowing us to be but we spend the congregation of moments we are given in that holy being damning it, for it also makes us imperfect and in our imperfections is the capacity to do harm unto the world which we love so much,
and so,
we equate these imperfections with evil and seek to expunge them with all our might of will and all our cleverness of wit and all our screaming and pounding and passion of
soul,
but it is all in vain for these things which we despise so greatly are joined at the sutures with our very being and hence have many good but troubled lambs of the internal apocalypse chosen to end that being for sake of ending that malformation, though they know this is wrong, but it is the only solution in trying to remove the weight of one’s existence and hence the weight of existence from one’s mind and so they sleep easily,
unbreathing,
unknowing,
and having completely cleansed the burden of themselves from this immaculate and gorgeous universe which they love so, but they are also
unloved.

And it is in love that we are validated, both in our perfect flaws and exactitude of malformation,
it is in love that our weight on the world is not lifted, no, but counterbalanced and nullified,
and in that way,
we are set free.

All through my head
Whilst i writh in bed
I was more comfortable
Back when
We would start fires
Lay in lie
Smoke forts misfortune
Charred torched remains

Have I told you lately how much I love you
Have I told you how I try
To be ok when we're apart
Even though you know I lie
For when we distance my heart is broken
And my spirit falls so deep
I cannot wait to be together
To hold you when I sleep
Your voice, your eyes, your lips, your thighs
Your laugh, your giggles, your *** when it wiggles
Your skin, your nose, your legs, your toes
It's all of you my darling, it's you I desire

Some lust after, some fear
some don't consider the inevitable and the unclear

I can't surrender to an existence so mere
without questioning life on this sphere