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Today another part of me found weeping
Froze rigid by a fragile touch
Sat beneath a sobbing willow
And didn't ask for much
But to languish in your steady shadows
To huddle where you hide
And when I sigh, it's hope surmising
That you are by my side
I'm minding my business, I've got things to do,
Yet my skin is tingling, I think I feel you
Do I just ignore it? Do I give into chase?
Either way I know I'm ****** once I see your face

A heartache so close, a whisper so far
Every shadow around me turns to where you are,
I pace this map, acting like I'm fine
But your presence sends electrical shivers down my spine

I said I was done, it was my means of escape
But I've always hit the exit gates just after it's too late,
You see my scratch marks, a residual trail for you how great

I never meant to linger, never meant to be seen,
But you track me like blood, like you know where I'll be,
I loop around my guilt, vault over your grace,
Still caught in your terror radius, heart stuck in this place.
I don't last long in chase, I'm not great at evasion, if only it were just me and you it'd be a much simpler equation
I don’t think I should write about you,
I think I should keep these thoughts to myself.
No one wants to read about what we once felt.
Is it therapeutic, or does it just make me miss you more?
Never mind, it doesn’t matter—I'm the one who shut that door.
Is what I miss even real, or is longing for you painting us with bliss?

You had the hours I could never find,
I needed silence—you required quick replies,
Patience isn’t promised just because it's implied.
Maybe I crave you because, deep down, I knew it’d never work out.
Your quiet chaos battled my loud catastrophe,
Succumbing to you was a kind of personal blasphemy.
I think it's the softness that makes it hard to just let go,
How sweet you were to me, how gently you made me glow
I'm comfy alone, no silence to fill, the days drag along but outside I remain chill.
Inside is turmoil, conflict, and debates,
This mind is paradoxical and no one escapes.
I can picture all futures, happy or sad, with or without you, either way I'm still mad.
To think I don't miss you, is an excruciating cut, maybe I couldn't stay but that doesn't mean it wasn't love.
Maybe I ruined it or maybe I was blind, I can hear your voice each night like a sacred lullaby.
I know I'll gain no favors, and you think curiosity killed the cat, but to not have your thousand questions about my day you truly believe I want that?
I guess these grounds are haunted, and I made things exponentially worse,
I have always viewed you like my blessing,
maybe I was your curse.
I miss you doesn't begin to cover it,
      
    I ache.
In the quiet moments at 1pm
The world moves with my thoughts
Melodies pass through me like whispers,
The echoes of your laughter
Twist into questions that I still can’t answer.

I walk familiar roads alone
Wondering if I’m searching for you or
The person I lost along the way.
Some nights I search for memories
Like constellations in the stars
Faint, flickering lights.

I want to know what I want
To hold certainty like a flame in my hands
But desire shifts like a plague in my mind
Like the shadows that I grew to love
I hear your name from a great distance
And something else that I don’t understand.

I will stand in this space
Missing you, missing me
Waiting for the soft silence
To answer me.
I traced the shadows beneath my eyes
New hollows carved by nights spent
Waiting for a fire that never came
I drenched myself in gasoline just to
Beg you to take my light.

Once, my face was smooth and warm
Free of this scar tissue made up of
fear and loneliness
Love unravels in the weight of your gaze
Which I carry in my chest, like a
Silent cough that worsens at night.

How unfair that the world goes on
While I hold the fragile shape of
Your bleeding heart in my aging hands
And the nights press heavy against
My skin, marking me like its own
In soft, sleepless bruises.
 Jan 6 RMatheson
Nemusa
She thought love would age like wine,
Smooth and dark, a holy sign.
Gentle whispers, velvet skies,
But the truth came wrapped in lies.

The shadows fell, they did not ask,
His voice a sermon, a shattering mask.
His absence carved, sharp and deep,
A wound that woke her in her sleep.

She drank the night to drown his face,
To forget the silence, to erase the space.
But the glass broke sharp against her hand,
And the blood sang truths she couldn’t stand.

Healing came like a thief in the rain,
Soft as ash, a balm for pain.
A knock at the door, a touch so kind,
An old friend’s voice she thought she'd left behind.

She stopped the drinking, stopped the fall,
Her laugh returned, a hymn in the hall.
Her wrinkles spoke of battles won,
Each line a prayer to the rising sun.

Now she writes by a candle’s glow,
Her words are rivers, strong and slow.
She meets her gaze in the looking glass,
A woman who rose from the broken past.

She lifts her glass to the evening light,
To the love she lost, to the endless fight.
Bold and unbreakable, she stands alone,
Aged like wine, her spirit her throne.
 Jan 6 RMatheson
Nemusa
A day of trembling, fevered dread,
Sweat and shivers, the mind half-dead.
In and out of a fractured stream,
Words like bubbles, a haunted dream.

He said, "Get washed, dressed, let's go to town,"
A voice so light while I wore the frown.
Oh, the chaos of his naive plea,
To step from the shadows that swallowed me.

I tried, I dressed, my hands like ice,
The night a storm of inner fights.
Panic surged, the walls closed tight,
A flightless bird in endless night.

Later, calm, his words rang true,
"You must attack what frightens you.
Face your fears, don't waste away,
Let life unfold; don't drift astray."

Oh, if courage were so easily sown,
A seed to sprout in the unknown.
But I’ll try, though brittle and torn,
To find my strength where fears are born.
 Jan 6 RMatheson
Nemusa
Grief clouds the still air,
soul slipping like dusk to night,
silent and unseen.
Breadcrumbs of a heart’s ruin fall,
soft echoes of battles lost.

Her hands bore deep scars,
etched stories of wars within,
her own promises—
whispered truths soon cast away,
dragged beneath life’s cruel currents.

Anger’s storm now fades,
mirrors hold her shattered gaze.
The past calls
s
 o
f
t
l
y,
specters of what once had been,
laying flowers on the grave.

Blue skies pierce the soul,
mocking in their clarity.
Life blooms where I weep,
a seedling waits in the soil,
buried deep to rise again.
Good morning, wasn't sure what to post this morning, hate being so full of doubt. Hope you all have a great week ahead.
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