For many years,
you were mine,
and I was yours.
We were free,
we were happy staying friends.
Though we yearned for more.

I thought it would last forever,
I was ready to confess.

But, you left.
You went to a place I can never reach.

Every time I think of those precious memories,
I break.
Because you were my world,
and will always be a part of it.

Because you weren't only my friend.
You were my family,
the place I called home.

You were my soulmate.

I have dealt with many things,
but to you I am just dramatic,
a lier even.
Whenever I open my heart,
you shove it into a box,
making it harder every time.

"I'm Depressed"
I finally tell you,
seeking comfort in your words,
even though they scare me further.

But, you let me down,
you told me the words I feared the most.
                  "Your just a teenager, you don't know what that means"

Then, what's wrong with me?
Why do I dream of jumping off,
of never coming back.

Maybe I'm just being a teen,
or maybe that's just a lie.

the sky is pretty tonight
and clouds stretch across the sky like a hand
reaching for the stars
i cannot see the moon
But I see you
and your light shines brighter than
any moon or star
You are My sun
i turn, like a sunflower
to follow each of your footsteps
always facing, always reaching
never growing closer
but the sky is pretty tonight
And i will rest my head on your arms
and wish on shooting stars for a day
the sun will return my affection
and dream of fields of wild sunflowers
in bright summer light

I never really believed in love,
well, not anymore.

Before reality hit me,
I dreamed of these cheesy romance novels,
always wishing it would happen it me.
But, the universe had other plans.

Over time, I noticed my parents fights,
as they grew bigger,
I felt weaker.

They never seemed to be in love,
never once.
That's when it all started.

As I grew up, I fell in love,
not once,
but twice.
And both times it ended,
leaving my heart in pieces.

The first time, it was a childish one,
It was your typical enemies to lovers,
and I thought it was perfect.
But, time went by,
I even dated him,
though, my love was not strong enough,
just to keep him by my side.

I moved on,
just adding an extra lock on my heart,
vowing to not open it,
at least till I was older.

I broke that vow.

The second time,
I never got to tell him.
We were best friends,
still are,
at least in my eyes.
I'll never be able to tell him that,
cause' I don't know where he left.

I never told him,
because the same locks that made me feel safe,
refused to unlock,
shattering my heart further.

I don't know if the numbness will ever go away.
All I know is that, in the end,
love broke me.

Now I don't trust it.

.
                                            Why are you so sad?
Because I am broken.
Everything in this world I once loved,
betrayed me,
or forever left.

All that I have endured has turned into trauma,
in ways I cannot express.
But, don't worry about me,

                        Because the Universe never liked me anyways.

I'm better off without you,
I know it.
You f##king ruin my life,
just for your entertainment.
I'm a joke,
a motherf##king punchline.

                                Until I'm better than you at something.

When that happens you bark again,
"Hey bestie," and "I'll always be your friend."
But, you b!tches don't realize that,
I'm past your fake@ss.

                                       I'm done being your little toy.

Cause' I know what you said about me,
About me being fake,
A s1ut.
Just because I'm bi.

I know you've said worse,
but, I don't care.
                                                 So just f**k off.

Im filled with emotions,
I can no longer speak.
It’s like I’m locked in my own prison,
Emotions struggling to be released.

Within me i am drowning,
But I don my happy face.
An internal war roaring,
Struggling to keep it locked in the safe.

I can not allow myself to loosen yet,
Rarely am I allowed to.
Through the day i make it through,
It’s my happy mask that talks to you.

I wish I can let the feelings out,
As they trickle in.
All day the inside prisoners shout,
Grasping and clawing at my skin.

From time to time, late at night,
Raw words from a song will pierce the wall.
The feelings are flicked on like a light,
surrendering myself to the abyss as I fall.