(CONTENT WARNING!!!- BLOOD, VIOLENCE, DEATH, SENSITIVE TOPICS- ONLY FOR MATURE AUDIENCES)
MY BATTLEGROUND
A Poem, By Olivia Williams
Nights draw long.
The clock ticks slow.
So slow, the seconds snap thin like rubber bands.
Each snap feels like a weight of remembrance; eventually, it has started to take a toll.
While each minute drags like forever eternity,
As if eternity is even bothered by the pain.
My heart beats fast,
As visions grow.
The pain inclines.
Then the shadow man comes, and will never seem to go,
Drenched in blood,
Hollow eyes staring everywhere.
The tint of vengeance,
Of revenge,
Of horror.
The night,
His shadow,
Long and stretched,
Like a long blood-filled river,
This fate
That led me
ALMOST TO DEATH.
That night,
The man,
His cold presence
Turning me away,
Metallic smell
And taste
Filling my body,
Making me gag
In fear.
His eyes,
Still blood red,
That chase with a ****** knife,
Coated in others' mess,
Of others, he's ruined.
I think he’s…
Looking for me next,
As he pierces the knife
One by one.
The silence
Envelopes me,
The guilt,
Of chains,
Cold metal against bruised skin,
Clinking, against a solid white-concrete wall,
Locked in all white, nothing left for me to have.
Smell of must and smoke.
Chains of shame,
For trying to speak out but failed.
When I should have kept quiet,
So I'm not a burden,
Even though
I could have survived if I spoke.
I still want to scream,
But I'm caught in a web of…
“I should have spoken.”
“I should have stopped it.”
“I could have fixed this.”
“I could have protected myself.”
“Now I'm hurting the people I love….”
Yet I'm being pulled down by
Each outspoken recommendation,
Like I'm stuck in quicksand
With no escape.
Yet again,
He mocks,
Shames,
Yells,
Blames,
And buckles
Restraints.
I'm stuck
In these chains.
They hold me down…
Too well.
And they rattle and shake,
Bringing not only pain
But a reminder
Of the freedom
Never felt.
The rocks
He heaves
Onto my shoulders.
Never free.
The struggle
Of guilt.
I didn't fight back
When I should have.
Maybe I wouldn't
Have to deal with the
Internal pain now.
The weight,
I fall
As I'm tripped.
I call
In fear,
Thinking I'm about to be hit.
I yell,
Trying to get revenge.
The pain
Had taken control with guilt
Of sharing these thoughts.
“Am I… to blame?”
My friends,
They help
And sometimes
Distract,
But never for long,
As they disappear
On their path.
It's not fair,
I swear,
I fight,
But cry.
I punch,
I will try.
“NO!” he yells
And kicks me away.
I guess I'll never grow my wings and fly away.
I can only dream
Of a gorgeous escape.
The man,
His blood,
That taint
And taste
Will pull me back
To this loop of pain,
From this ****** nightmare.
I'm drowning
In my thoughts,
The whirl
Of a storm brewing,
Out of control.
Pain is like waves
Stabbing into the rocky shore
Where boats of hope crash
And are pummeled apart.
Wooden remains, on a decaying beach
Sand no longer there, trees laying face-down
Past repair.
The voices of survivors echo,
Asking for help,
But the wounds are so deep,
Gashes gaping and flowing,
A deep crimson and rose-red
Fill the once vibrant water.
The blood—
That's so thick,
I never hear their cries,
As their boats sink too,
And their lifeless bodies take the last dive into the waves before smashing into the rocky shore.
And the empty silence fills my mind of memories that I don't want to re-live.
But the blood covering this sea of people—and me,
Is taking control.
My breath feels heavy,
As if water and blood were pulling me down.
The flashbacks,
The fear that wraps and claws further and further to my throat,
Tightening with every vision that comes to light.
Will I ever get out?
I yell,
But all he does is laugh and say,
“NO!!!”
This blood,
The stain,
Both in life,
Forever
Engrained
In my memory,
Like a cracked mirror, broken pieces.
Glass in my feet,
Each shard, each bit
Representing broken hopes and thousands of mistakes I wish I could undo.
Of that fate
I was left
When no one has listened.
I tried to tell them,
But they all denied
The evidence,
Right there.
Especially those bruises.
The pain of laying there,
My own blood
Passing out,
Waking up,
No one caring that I was there,
No one noticing, that I needed help,
And that this has become my life because of this all.
With constant
24/7 battle
Of that knife,
That chase,
My blood,
The screams
Of others he chases.
A mix between THAT day and dream.
My battleground,
My life,
Has become a gruesome fight.
I don't know when the knife man will take me,
But on the battleground,
Trying to protect,
That is where I'll fall.
On the battleground,
For sure,
Is where
If anything,
I've lived through it all.
No matter what,
I will always fall,
But through it all,
I will always breathe.
Even if it's a struggle,
NEVER a relief.
I wish I could defy,
But for now, I will…
Try to fight
For my life
On this battleground,
With blood and mistakes,
That's just open
To take.
But even in the darkness,
That always holds when I'm suffocated
With rooms so dimly lit that just a flicker is left.
That flicker of hope is all that's left to hold everything back,
The darkness claws and grabs
At every chance to reach me, I hold on tight.
Even if so,
I will continue to breathe.
My breath will never stop,
EVER.
And at all.
When I return back,
My mind says “It's all a dream,”
But it happened, I have scars and damage for proof… and I know I'm just getting flashbacks
Because of THAT day, I hope one day I won't have to look the man in his eyes,
But for now… all I can do is… FIGHT.