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Ray May 2014
With a face and voice like that you’d never guess
the girl was five foot ten
she walks in and towers above the image
you expected
a girl pushing five feet, dainty, even whimsical
but surely petite
she’s far from petite

This girl sympathizes with transgender bodies
yet envies those who succeed
Hormones and knives can fix gods mistake
but nothing can fix me
so women will sit dreaming of dropping pounds
and she dreams of dropping feet
never complete

Psychs and shrinks digress this to be nothing more
than another disorder
Her views on herself are simply brushed off
as body dysmorphia
yet therapy nor pills shall shake her desire
to fix gods mistake
by freeing her soul of this giant hell hole
leaving it for someone else to take.
Ray Apr 2014
I've memorized the dance routine to get down my creaky staircase;
left two three, right two three, spin, skip and check.
Then quickly get into the garage for a way-past-bedtime cigarette.
Once I’m done, I quietly walk into the living room to check on her.
Although my mother has a large bedroom,
her hips are so brittle she's claimed the living room as her nighttime retreat.
My stomach churns with guilt as our puppy leaves her side
tail wagging excited to come greet me,
something she never does for my mom.
Alone on the couch,
her desperate attempt for the shared affection our dog gives her children
clearly having failed; I nearly collapse from the guilt.
If only I could force that dog
to give her the one thing she needs, craves and deserves.
Why must the world be so hard for some, and easy for others.
Where people have their lives destroyed,
their lovers killed, their passions crushed
and others sail through it all in bliss.
Why can’t this ******* puppy go back to sleeping at my mother's feet
to show she loves her as much as my brother and I,
instead of following me back up the stairs.


A clumsy dog wouldn't know to avoid that bottom step,
my mother wakes to cold feet.
Ray Mar 2014
I know the hollow
Blank state, empty smile
The way each day blends
And never ends.
Once in my eyes, they've
Flown to yours
And day by day
The hollow gets worse.
I've tried to solve the
Impossible
Unfixable
But we all know there is no quick fix
Just wait...
One day you'll feel
The air on your skin
And stare out your window
And realize its been
So long since youve run barefoot in your lawn
Just like that its gone,
Until then, hold on
Ray Mar 2014
Oh god dear god if you are here
Please revoke my last few prayers
It wasn't fair, I didn't know
I didn't see what you tried to show.
If I had known, if I had seen
That he would be the one for me
So god please god, I need him now
Don't take him please
So help me god
Ray Mar 2014
Sixty dollars spent just for this
The fuel to let go of those whispering
Nagging thoughts
Flickering behind my eyes all night.
I spend that money,
Whether I can afford it or not,
And prepare for the fight I know I'll cause;
Because a drunk girl
Always finds something to talk about.
By morning we've made amends
Patched the holes
Fixed up our souls
And you help me count pennies
In hopes of sixty dollars more
Ray Jan 2014
The day my father died, my family sat at his bedside
watching a deteriorating man's mind slip from his weak grasp;
Mother, father, sister, brothers, brother in-laws, wife and son
all sat in the cramped hospital room trying to say goodbye
while he hallucinated the photo copier at work wasn't working, due to lack of oxygen to his brain.
His daughter, the only one absent from the room, sat at home alone,
playing video games on the computer he gave me back when I'd never heard of cancer.

The day my father died, my papa left his sons bedside
with his head slowly slumping further past his shoulders as he joined me on the couch.
In my basement, my papa wept. I stared at a wall.
Looking back, I wonder if this was his way of saying goodbye to me
before I'd become someone much different than I should have been.
My mother had never held it together on her own, now alone
My brother'd have to teach himself how to shave, one day
And myself, left to fill shoes that were never supposed to be empty.

The day my father died,
His family died too.
Ray Jan 2014
When the thought of a night spent in your own bed brings dread
for you'd be willing to wake before the sun
if it meant you spent the night with them;
That's when you know you've found the one.
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