Invisible
Irrelevant

I've never known anything easy
From love
All the way down
To work
I couldn't give myself a break
This my curse
My inability to be a burden
More so a fear
Always being too much
I drove her off
I made her hate me
Now she's forgotten me
Even worse if she thinks me a freak
Do you see?
What it's like to be me
How does one carry on being
Here I question it
Tomorrow back at it
My mind is diseased
I've purposely been torching it
I've never known anything easy
Atleast I can't allow myself the ease
My mind and soul
Now running off
Just like her
Taking the smart route
While all I know, the hard ones
I guess they had to flee
For their own safety

Standing alone
Amidst the killing field of one's self
Left with little of a past
Not much of a future
Hands and a mouth
Good for only destruction
With Graves to close
Years of work ahead
To fix myself further
Gragments of souls
Filling places mine once was
I have only their humanity and love
With my knowledge
Critically In use
Only for the betterment
Of those held dearly
Amidst the rubble of a once
Ever so fortified heart
I now allow the foundation of the greater good

I love you but have no right
The center of God's heart
You shine so bright
I am so sorry
This is the only way
So I must go away
I cannot help but drown
In you
You are all I ever wanted
More so
Everything I ever needed
Yet still so much more
I know I've hurt you
I cannot do it again
I'm doing this for you
You will flourish
This is all I want for you
Only so without me
Anic
Please take this as a blessing
You never needed me
Not the way I need you
I'm setting you free
Essentially
To Grace you your full potential
I cannot help but cry
As I reminess
The times I felt such love
The times I ******* up
With this poem
I free you of me
This is the end of me
The beginning for you
Please understand
I do this for you!

Where does time go
When lost in pondering
A place drawn by a single person
Of beauties
To good for the likes of man

I am that which is lost
I am the departed
Merely something which no longer exists

So it's come
Years of planning
My disappearing
Death certificates
Nothing but a figure
No one among the masses
My ghosting
My new life in death
A face soon to be nameless
A second unsaid goodbye
Better left unsaid
For love sake
For my family sake

No longer knowing the veil between
What's real and what isn't
A mind left to wander
Among ruins hopeless
On different paths
Remnents of a heart
Cast out for survival
Amidst the scurry of ferals
Banished knowing its betrayal
T'ward seeking wisdom
Eventually a mind at peace
The resting place for one's shell

Oh how I've prayed and plea
In excruciating agony
To be free
For you and me
I feel as if thee
Were all for me
But I had to flea
Impossible I'd thought for us to be
To realise unfortunately
I couldn't even save me

Stand with me in the mirror
Tell me what you see
All I can guarentee
That I see is definitely thee
Unfortunately
That which you see
That's no longer me
For I murdered he
Only to live without she
I wish ever so to let it be
Yet still so haunted by memory

Morning lies
My trial for error
Hearings and lawyers
My boss and his wife
Three indivuduals
I've to convince
I'm sorry
Then
Why it happened?
How could I tell them
These things in my brain
Roots to likes classified
Something I myself denied
A penalty cursing through time
With no resemblance of my old sight
I really did not mean to start a fight
It's just I've truly lost my might
You see I'm afraid I'll never someones knight
Self demise, my very own plight
I guess it's now time for me
To drift off into the night

For the life of me
Could our two worlds not collide
Just once more
Once more to last
Forever more

Lee's dead
It all got to his head

Her heart
The Grandest Sunflower
Not to wild but free
I wouldn't catch it
My fear, saved her
I had to let her be
Only truly free
Without me

Feelings
A mix of chemistry
I'd thought ceased to be
The thought of me with somebody
Feelings
I'd felt were dead
Outside of this poetry platform
I've used for healing
Now for someone I'm again feeling

Life's mysteries
That which I'd prayed
To change
Realizing
It couldve been better for me
It would've only been worse for you

Two shotguns
Aimed at our heads
Six more men
We were **** out of fortune
A horde looting
Our lives on a line
Held up in broad daylight
Until they'd left with nothing to spare
Savages to which
My men's lives
Meant as much as a case of beer
All in mind
The safety of my men
Whether I'd ever see her face again

I know now
Exactly
The monster I am
Thank you
I guess
For letting me know
Goodbye

Life isn't what it seems
Sometimes all we have is our dreams
A little lucidity between the seams
Something to show us what it all means

Live and let me die

My dreams

Lucid

Of moments I see you

Each time I crumble

The sight of a fearful Angel

An Angel tormented

A past figure

Only bringing pain

A figure I'd never wanted to be

For what it's worth

I am so sorry

Last night I got arrested
I snapped and strangled a coworker
I couldn't see nor hear
Fueled by pure rage
I had to fight myself to let go

Then it happened again
I went for the next one

Safe to say
I really have issues

I'm jobless now
Still the family disappointment
Now the delinquent too
Being dropped off some time to midnight
A convoy of police vans

My whole neighbourhood
I guess now they all see the delinquent in me

I've lost the plot
My mind societies game
Just another pawn

I really do have more problems than I'd hoped for

Left still to wonder
This pain inside unseen
Hopefully soon I can figure out my way
To never again be seen

My homeland
Under siege
Looted and burned
To free the corrupt
The ignorance of a nation
Indoctrinated into chaos
Yet here I sit
Hoping only for the safety
The safety of all I love so dearly
Be it the love I have
The love I never had
My concerns only
For the safety of all
Where pieces of my heart resides

Today I wept
Amidst a thousand bodies
The smell of lavender
Brought only your scent
Then too
Your warmth
Your smile
Your hearbeat through your embrace
For the final time
I walk away to forget you
It's been months since we last spoke
A few days since I walked away
Yet still it feels like I loved you just yesterday
This moment forth
I can no longer let you riddle my mind
With this my last poem
Of you
Whom I loved so dearly
In such mysterious ways
Ways I could never understand
Ways I hope he loves you
Goodbye
Anic
A coward to have never said it to your face
I couldn't knowing you'd cry
I know you waited to see me
Before I'd left
I'll never forget your last word
"Hey"
As I'd walked away
Nor could I forget the look in your eyes
The pain and uncertainty
Just know it was never my plan to hurt you
I only ever wanted the best for you
By some miracle you read this someday
I did love you
You'll forever be
What I felt to be
The truest love
Of all time
Surely this the reason you're so hard to forget
Take care
I wish you well

Dearest Anic
Tu es un amour
Tu es léger
Tu es tout ce dont tu auras jamais besoin

I haven't the heart
To get close
To look into your eyes
To see what I've become
Within eyes of ocean blue
Soulfully penetrating
Fearful
Of emptiness I hold
Disappointment
From an Angel
Soul shattering
Self inflicted

Something to get straight
As if u boxing a crate
It's none other than myself
Forbidden amidst the top shelf
I can't relate
All I do is self desolate
In this world I feel like an elf
Ever gazing for that top shelf
Here I self isolate
Watching as passer-by's come to desecrate

I know you're home
Its kind of hard when you're my neighbour
I want so badly just to say hello again
To look into your eyes and feel okay
I just had to be the *****
I won't lie I was scared
Just those few words ****** it all up
Now out of place
I can't even talk to you
I know it's for the best though
You're happy now and I see that
I'm happy for you I really am
Although I'm dying inside
Scavenging what remains of myself
All I wish for Is to see you again
To have the courage to tell you
I miss you
I know I haven't the right
Its not what it may seem though
I'd just like to be friends again
Although it's an impossibility
Due to my arrogance
This is why I sit downstairs
In solitary
I'm sorry again
I miss you so much

This pain in my chest
Undying
To each thought of you
Reminding
My feelings for you
Undying
There really is no
Denying
As I lay motionlesss
Crying
I try so hard just to be
Failing
All truly because I was afraid of
Loving
Moments come fast when I feel like
Exploding
Yet lay I here at some point everyday
Collapsing
Further Into myself
Imploding
Without any denial
Dying

I feel my heart crumbling
A weakened beat
Lacking motivation
To beat any longer

This war in my head
Without end
My once trophied mind
Torn and tormented
Now a rusted bell
From actions regretful

My heart lost
Yearnfully seeking you
In everything I do
From the once favorite hobby
To the long sit talking to the moon
It always returns to you

For you
My golden arrow
Wedged so elegantly
Inside my chest
Self-inflicted
What I've done to you
My damning

Could I once more
Find peace in your heart
Warmth in your touch
Love in your tone
The fire in your mind
That light so bright

Standing in fistfuls of blood
Shattered glass pulled to the floor
A man in hand
His doings unquestionable
Undeniable to my community
My actions just
To civilians surprise
My inner
Enraged by stupidtiy
Pained by loss
What it'd taken to release
My worlds might
I cannot project
Not my pain unto others
Standing aside
As law enforcement arrived
The situation contained
My muse
Saving not only I from
My pain
Saving mens lives
With her drive

Back at it self studying
Psychology
When all I'd thought
Life's what you make it out to be
Then again
It's never been for me
I'd only realized this
Knowing it wouldn't be us til eternity

I'm sorry
I'm dying
Soon heartless
So with this
I might as well
Do as I was taught
Help others
With this time I've left

Be it he
Or be it me
Forth through time
Shall it ever be
Me
The one who chased away
HER
My Guardian Angel
With you goes
The remains of me
The core of my heart
For yours it will always be

I miss you so much
For my heart, you are it's crutch
Without you so lost
For this I cannot get past
You're all I need and so much more
Just take my hand, let's close the door
Take my soul, it's already yours
Give me your soul, let us open new doors
I need nothing more than you
So let us be two
Two on a mission
Purest of intention
I want to hold you
Its simple really, I need you
I need to kiss you, then it's your discretion
I hope it's a kiss that leaves a lasting impression
So much so as to change our relation
Your faith I will carry proudly
Firstly
My Angel, I need you
with me
To show me the way
Let's fall inlove
Will you be my queen
Let's rise above
Let nothing come inbetween

A girl I loved
Well
A girl I love
She used to write poetry
I asked about it
Knowing I shouldn't have
I wasn't worthy of her love
I needed to break my own heart
To hear her say she doesn't love me
I was lost

Of late heavy hearted
Hollow
Withdrawn
Unidentifiable
I felt something
Something calling
To clear my mind
I journeyed oncemore
The cemetery of me
To see a year later a glint
In the spectrum of love
A poem

Only to be written by her
Painfully
Longing and yearning
To love Blue
I feel her writings
Every last one
I want to be Blue
Is Blue really me
It cannot be
Although
I want nothing other
Than to be Blue
What must I do
Do I draw near

I get it now

I saw so much in her
Perfect in every imperfection.
Heart of pure love
A smile that warmed my broken heart
The dream girl I'd always imagined
Intentions so pure.

My Hearts
Fallen Angel


All I needed
Life material you might say

But I

A stupid heart reduced to coal, mercury arteries, yes my intentions were true but I had to be the idiot to question Her!

No-one will ever know of this but I truly did love her

I loved her smile
The way it warmed me from the inside

The way she'd play with her hair liquifying the inner crevasses of this heart

I loved how kind hearted she was and how she cared so much but I always believed she deserved better realizing I am tormented, a burden unbaringly deserved.

I should've said what I felt
I should've kissed her

Instead leant Apon the door
I wouldnt allow myself

I looked You in the eyes and shot myself

Although all I wanted was to see you
I couldn't for your own good
You knew it was coming
That's why you ask dme to leave you alone
So it wouldn't be as painful

A Necessary Sacrifice
Your Happiness and Well being
All I want for you

Til time flies and paths not overstep

I'll be wishing you well

From a Place, Time and Location Never Known

Just as much the mystery to me than you

In search of

Answers

Questions

Knowledge

Wisdom

Of

LOVE

A piece of Myself I could never forget because of You

A hot shower
Had me in tears
Not even hot water on this cool evening
Could bring me the warmth
Of your smile alone

I miss you
I miss me
As bizarre
As it may be
I feel I cannot be
Without thee

I'm tired of denying myself what feels most right
Until I see you again
I hope you sleep tight
Til that moment I look in your eyes
To see if you let me in
I still love you
I will not allow myself to walk away again

Drained
Battered and beaten
I push through each day
Heart scarred
Mind torn
Existence tormented
Yet you
Still only you
Manage by mere thought
To calm a weary mind
Mend a sheared heart
Prompt a shadowed existence
Physically afar
Spiritually uplifting
Immediately and inveriably
Present at heart

Why did it have to be you
I never wanted this to be
I couldn't have given you eternity
For the first time in my life
I'd loved so hard
A love that couldn't be
I would not break you
My intentions pure
My influence poison
You were perfect just as you were
I hope you haven't changed
Oh what I'd give to see your smile again
Just to see you happy
A happiness I could never give you
That's all I'd ever wanted
Your heart so pure
A love unparalleled

I wish we'd never met
You're just too hard to forget

Who am I
But only a lost lover
For my love I did find
Fearful I'd hurt you
I had to leave
Day after day
This haunts me
Down I plummet
Beneath rock bottom
In you I found peace
I found true love
You are so close
Yet so far
Only to be further
I love you
Oh how I wish I'd told you
Although you already knew
For you I give my heart
I need it not where I go
Just know that I'll always love you
No matter the time
Nor the distance
You are always
The love I lost forever

I'll be around
For a while
It's no doubt
Weary
Lost
Hoping that the day I see you again
You're happy
You're loved
You're smiling
This is all I want
It's all I've ever wanted
For you
I just hope
You don't see
What's left of me

Show me a place
The place of light
Your inner grace
My inner most delite

I miss you more than I can bare
But we had our time together
And I have to let you go

I need you to forget
Forget him and all you saw in him
I've buried him
He was weak
He wanted nothing
Other than to love you

He ran
For you
His cowardice and actions in silence
His Sacrifice for you
To prosper
You'll always be the Angel of his eye
The sole heir to his heart

He walked away though
His greatest regret
The regret that shattered him
Torn apart at every seam
He loved you more than himself

Although
We both know he couldn't make you happy
Neither can what he's become
What stands in his image
Is not him anymore
It's me
If I speak for him

He still loves you
We both agree
You deserve so much better
Forget him
This can't go on
Neither him or I
Have place in this world
Let alone place in your magnificent heart

You never needed him
Not the way he needed you
We did this for you
You've moved on
For the best

He tried
He failed
There is not other like you
Carry that with you
Your love so pure
As he'd said
A love to pure for this world

He missed his chance
Now let him rest
Forget about him
Allow what's left of his soul
To die

Along with what remains of his flesh
He never wanted to be in this world
Not until he'd met you
That's in the past
It's nothing either him or I could figure a way to fix
You're better off without him
Besides
Liams' gone now

I want you
To be you
With me
Til eternity
Just us two
Me and you

Brisk
The two different meanings
We'd spent an hour analyzing
How long ago
What I'd give to talk to you again
To see your light
Only to see you shine so bright
No matter what we'd talk of
You brought out my light
On days like there
Brisk
I want nothing but you
Your presence
Your love

At first she were just a girl
Beauty an understatement
Heart of purest gold
Mind of the highest Queen
In touch so gentle
A love too strong
In a world so cold
Apon you wish I only the greatest
For a love of mine you did become
Keep strong in faith
Your future guided
Toward great horizons you shall glide
Through waters of love
Showered with light
The positivity you unfurl
It'll lead you well
The greatest journey
I wish for you