If only it was as easy
As trading glasses
To allow you to see all I do
Maybe then
You'd see how I love you

It must be against some
Law of Nature
For me to be happy
Since every opportunity I've ever had
Rots and decays in my hand

Last night I slept for the first night in weeks
The bottle sang me the lullaby
You never could

Is something grown in trust
And nurtured in integrity
Not something you can just assume
Because you see your partner
Holding it all

Let me feel that freedom
That you feel
When you choose her
Over me

I can feel the storm rolling in
My aching joints tell me it's time
To seek shelter beneath warm blankets
Waiting for the rains to fall from my eyes
And wash away the pains of this body
Mind
Emotions
And soul

The only thing worthy of release
Is the air from my lungs
As it wades through the water
Crashing up to the surface
Gaining the freedom
I so desperately crave
While I remain below the sky's reflectant

It was in that moment
While lights were dim
and the temperature rising
That losing myself
To retain you
Became too much to bare

I'm honestly searching for something
It doesn't have to be serious
But it needs to be genuine

We leave the room smelling like ***
But when you leave
It wreaks of depression.

My soul is on fire
Burning for all the sins
My body committed

I'm in desperate need of saving
But only worthy of being saved
When I beg for it first

You fight for everything so hard
Except me

I counted each and every set of headlights
Hoping they would add up to you

Your legacy
Will be a new set of scars

Now comes the time
When I full the void
With little red lines

I ran across our messages today
****- reading your name haunts me
Seeing the image of your face
Shatters my heart
Knowing I loved you completely
As you waited to tear me apart
If only forgetting you was for me
As was as killing me was for you

I seek out those
Who look like you
Because I want to find you
In everything

Knowing all too well
That those little similarities
Will never actually amount to all of you

Let me start by saying you

do

not

deserve

her love.

Nor do you deserve

my

body.

But we give you both anyway,
She because she loves you,
and me,
because I love her.

How can you not see
That the love I have for you is real
You allow me
into your skin
and every inch of your body
And expect my hands to come back clean
and my heart to be whole

You allow me to touch his skin
Asking my heart to absorb
the love you have for him
But all you fail to see
Are all the little nothing's I feel

It kills me so
To watch you kiss him slow
Wishing silently each time
Those lips of his were mine

Is this really
all I have to give?

the whisper of the leaves kisse my ears
like lovers lips that anoint my cheek

eyes closed
heart open

   but just like the breeze
I can no longer feel your touch

-this shooting star shoots across the Sky
Like the tears rolling down my satin cheeks
An invisible corset tying itself around my chest
As if it couldn't also see the imperfections somewhere lower

Soup soup soup you make my heart go bloop
bloop bloop bloop drop a ******* in my soup

How many lies
can I manage to tell
before my tongue abandons me?

Will these feet of mine
get tired of carrying
this excuse of a soul?

Why does he feel
the compulsive need
to compare himself to me
and believes himself to be under me?

Are things truly
better this way?

If not me,
then who?

Why does self-destruction
Yield self-gratification
regardless of how ephemeral?

Why is it so toxic
To love myself?

It became
All too real
Excitement
Passion
Grace
But so did the
Fear and
Loss

But not hope
It will be the light
To guide me back
Into your arms

Ice cold
lies told
To keep his heart beating

You're going to resent me tomorrow
And the hatred will follow
But I have to do what is best for me
that's always been the key

Entonces,
Mi alma debe ser perfecto
Con buena salud

Silver clouds
raining down
flood the world
and let it drown

Taint the soil
let it boil
one last call
end it all

sunlight shatters
did it matter?
in this finale
where will you be

in the arms of love
or dying of
the silver liquid

Your greatest gift
has always been your jaw
Strong and unwavering
Making it nearly impossible
to gather your emotions and thoughts

But your greatest weakness has always been
caught between the moments
you put pen to paper
and sacrifice your heart
Exposing your internal
and true
weaknesses

Now I can see it all

I wish you'd never read my words again
So I can tell my tales of hurt and heart break
Love, lust, and war
without fear of worry

Is it wrong
to burn souls
In order to save my own?

When it comes down to it,
humans will do anything
for self-prevalence
and survival

So,
does the arson make me evil?

The hours with you immobilized my values
Something in the way you looked
-mostly at me
A longing in your glorious emeralds
Not just for touch
but maybe something more

As the sun rose over the clock
The image of my lips on yours
grew increasingly distant
Night is were we thrived
Day drove us apart
- in a way my heart couldn't handle
But I wished it could

The time I spent in his green eyes
Has me spinning
Drunk off the rush and beauty
I could feel them tenderly stripping away my passion
and silencing my conscience

My body aches still to be touched
Despite my heart's fear of desire
of one day beating
-only for him

After all,
the challenge was
to keep hearts out

I didn't ask to fall for you
But that didn't stop you
from catching me

What is love
If not many?

The odds are in my favor
But number are like stars
And they aren't always aligned

Learning to take a bullet with grace
Is the most painful experience
Life can teach

I fall in love with the flowers before they even begin to bloom
Which is why watching them wilt before they blossom
Kills me the most

You still live inside my eyes
I see everything through you
At the end of the day I guess
That explains why I see the world
Crumbling to ash or
Bathing in blood

All along you were something
Not of this place
Physical or hyper-realistic
You were a tar pit I fell into
Now I deal with the ramifications
Mending my scorched flesh back together

Little girls fear the monsters
Hiding under their beds
Waiting in horror for the moment
It decides to strike
Rather, she should be waiting
For the daunting moment
nascent womanhood takes hold
And the monster under her bed
Becomes the man laying in bed
Next to her

You are the reason I fear I never
Give birth to a daughter
Your fingers reach far and dig deep
Souls like yours spawn from
The coldest flames
and the hottest anger
Therefore nearly eternal
Set forth to bring the end

When I think of the pain I felt
I try to think of all of the others
you will eventually trick
Much like what you did
to me
And I pick a religion
Then pray, and pray, and pray
And when I'm done
When I rise from my bruised and tired knees

I pick a new religion and I pray again
For all of those before me
And the ones to come after
I pray for the girls
Laying in bed and terrified of the things
All girls should be afraid of
Still ignorant to what men like you do
I pray they be preserved and find love
Only where love should be found
I pray for myself last,
because I have already survived you

But...do I ever pray for you?
In a moment of pride and strength
I will tell you I do-
in times of my weakness
I fall to my knees and I prayed
*You would be fixed

The crimson liquid rolling
Rushing
Down your back and from your spine
Gushing
I see the blade you tried to hide
Thinking she was on your side

Its began to dry
-the vital sap
With her gone-
you've no handicap

But you left the blade embedded
Seems to her you're still debted
Yet you know you owe her not
For with her hands she gave you naught

With heavy heart I try to save
All along you've been so brave
Leave her be
-and come to me
My truth shall set you free

I let the embers turn to Ash
I'm letting you go
As I believe you've long since done to me
You destroyed most in your path
But I've found the Vallie
Nascent and lovely
Her joy for me sings with grace
In the silent moonlight I can hear her calling
I could only ever hear your flames raging
and burning
I'm finally ready to heal
and I'm going to let it be by her fields

I'm excited to kiss her
The spark wont be there
- this I know
and it's not what I'm excited for
It'll be the rush
rustling faster causing the wind to revolt with an uproar
eyes closing to escape the rain
Then
Suddenly
the bright flash of light- and shock!
Not the spark!
But the shock of pure joy surging through tissue and blood
The clapping of thunder sounding silently as eyes lift

That is the moment I wait for eagerly