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Kalliope Mar 13
You can't figure me out?
The picture on the box is clear
Piece me together, take your time
Frustrations rise
Pieces are bent
Impatience is high
And my pieces are lost
I thought I'd stay displayed on the coffee table forever,
I never imagined I'd be taken apart over and over again,
A temporary conquest to be shoved back in the box
Kalliope Feb 2019
Deeper and deeper the further I go
There's no light around me
No room left to grow
My mind is uncertain
My heart set in stone
Deeper and deeper and further from home
Kalliope Nov 2024
I find solace in the quiet,
And see comfort in the loss.

I need to sit and contemplate with my own thoughts.

I'm easily persuaded
Then my mind gets all mixed up
I like it better lonely, it's being together that's tough.
Perhaps I don't have a soul mate
The only love I need is mine
Maybe I should focus on that
Instead of making love poems rhyme
Kalliope Mar 18
Two tattoos, 10 years, many moons
No one could have told me I'd spend my life without you
You saw it all, my rise and my fall
Every girl that I was,
And the woman that I am
Saved a special place next to me
Where always you could stand
You held me when I cried
Cleaned my room when I couldn't move
Came to me from hours away
When I faced my darkest doom
Without you, I'd never be me
So I'll always love you from here
Even if you never see
You blocked me in the middle of the night,
No argument, no fight
I can understand how you outgrew me
But the weight of losing a decade long friendship is so, so heavy
Kalliope Jan 2021
How do you learn to be alone
When you were with me
For all my milestones
How do you move on
When the pain
Is so intertwined
With the pleasure
How do you leave
When what your heart wants
Is to stay
How do you stay when you know that you can't
Kalliope Sep 2024
Your sun has set,
And my butterflies flew away
But even under your moon,
I'm drawn to you like a moth to a flame
Your flame so bright,
With a purplish hue,
I'll try every night,
To get closer to you
27
Kalliope Oct 2024
27
Another year living, another day gone,
The past isn't giving the wisdom I want.

I'm searching for answers, I lay in the rain, I stare at the moon while I'm begging for change.

My face is now creased, from years of worry, I laugh at my young wish to grow up in a hurry.

The right answers never come, I grieve over wrong choices, I'll stay in my bed berated by these voices.

And it's October, but the leaves are still green, the seasons aren't seasons and I am not me.

Twenty seven I might be, but fourteen I still feel, I look at the life I've built but none of it seems real.
Happy Birthday to you, they shout in my room, but it's just a Friday, and I'm losing my youth.
Kalliope Sep 2024
I day dream you know,
Of better days and other ways conversations should have went. I say words with passion that will never leave my lips, spend money I'll never make, experience a life I'll never live, all from my head. I've built the same house since I was 14 looking out rainy windows, so real I can smell the fresh coat of paint on the living room walls. I've planned the same wedding since I was 16 at midnight staring up at my ceiling, so real I can feel the tears on my cheek while reciting my vows. But I'm 26 and I'm scared of failure so I don't try, the fear so real I can feel myself daydreaming my life away.
And everything goes right in my head
And I don't make mistakes
My front door's painted red
And I succeed at every risk I take
2v8
Kalliope May 16
2v8
You and your romantic ways, your countless list of reasons, your lovely lilac haze
Shadowed only by your fears there's not a universe where I stay.

Battled me.

And all my disarray
The timing and the distance, my thoughts that force resistance.
My lack of patience sure put up a fight, and mix her with my temper and we'll be here all night.
My fear, always ready to run, pulling me back behind the wall I built, away from the warmth of your sun.
If we matched our armor, and coordinated our attack
Perhaps we could've been on the same side, instead of bleeding back to back


I know you hate that game mode
But I thought the chances were better
Kalliope Jul 1
I bleached my hair blonde chasing a version of me that no longer existed,

And was disappointed when I didn't become her.
Bold of me to crave her unhealthy mind simply because she was pretty.
Kalliope Jun 6
I went to bed early
I got eight hours of sleep
But I still don't understand why I don't mean to people,
what people mean to me
I sacrifice anything for the ones
I hold close
They don't care what I lose,
and I'm not often chose
I know they don't ask me to but
I like to show that I care,
I can't help feeling unloved when I'm down and nobody's there
I've thrown away people, and money, and time just to make sure my
people are perfectly fine
But if I speak my mind when
I've been insulted
then I'm disrespectful and
need to ******* then
Killing myself slowly just to keep control,
Grief remains the only one who never leaves
Kalliope Oct 2018
You can be full of life
Bursting with it
Growing hope inside you
Nauseous with happiness
Heart beating with uncertainty

It takes 5 minutes to strip it away
One choice
One decision
To throw you into a lifetime of
Pain and over thinking
Little sacrifices cause big waves
I'll speak your name

until it's not pretty anymore

Until it's so sharp and so distorted

it burns my cheeks like acid.
It's what I'm good at, I'm told.
Kalliope Oct 2024
Passive aggressive, can't be too firm,
This anger inside me I've carried since birth.
I say what I mean but then laugh at the end
You don't think I'm serious, and my mind starts to bend.
Can't be too forward,
Sarcasm my favorite weapon, maybe if I said it straight I wouldn't always end up mad again.

Aggressively passive, I've given up hope, no point in giving a **** when you're taken as a joke.
Why argue my point when you're blind to my mind?
I get better and better at keeping the anger inside.
Go with the flow is too gentle a phrase, for the ***** I don't give the more that I age.
People will come and those people will go, no longer will I cry and let my soul feel hope.
And I'm ****** if I do
Definitely ****** if I don't,
But I can handle being ******
Simply because I won't
Kalliope Jun 24
My sisters don’t answer their phones
if their boyfriends are asleep-
hardworking men with shifts in the morning
and reputations to keep.
Lunches to pack, clothes laid out neat,
and they do it all willingly,
from a place of love, how sweet.

I did these things too,
once, long ago.
I gave up my needs
for the good wife show.
But if it’s midnight and I want to speak-
I don’t give a **** if that man is asleep.

When’s he been gentle?
When’s he cared back?
I go to work too-
Where the hell is my slack?
A woman stays quiet to keep a man’s peace,
but is that really worth it
when a part of you dies piece by piece?
But no one wants an angry woman, bitter and cold
I'm still figuring out how to be soft and still bold
Kalliope Jun 12
The girl who ruins things
thought maybe she’d try fixing.
If she could stop causing destruction–
offer repairs instead–
maybe it wouldn’t hurt.

If she could rebuild broken things,
maybe she'd be met with looks of relief
instead of weary sighs.

So, the girl who ruins things
bought her tools,
watched the how-to’s,
read all the manuals.

But no one sticks around
after something breaks–
not long enough
to see if someone might fix it.

But ruining was easy,
destroy and get lost.
Fixing comes at an emotionally high cost.
What do you do when you can't find all the pieces?
Kalliope Apr 2018
Large doses of you
Were never good for me,
But, I've always loved to
Push my limits.
Kalliope Jun 24
And one night, at two a.m.,
your daughter will grab your face
and say,
"I love you, Mom."
And even though she’s been up for hours,
and your room’s a mess,
and you’re behind on laundry,
and you haven’t had a moment to yourself,
and you’re riddled with anxiety over things that feel unfixable,
and she looks so much like her dad-
all the suffering and pain will melt away for a second,
and you can just be here, in this moment.
And then when you kiss her forehead she’ll say “What the hell? What the helly mom?” and you’ll know you gotta start scrolling TikTok alone.
Kalliope May 10
There's an ant on my window, it smelled something sweet
Has he ever faced heart break? Does she know about defeat?

There's an ant on my window, and he has many friends
Do you think that they're talking? Are they talking about me?

There's some ants on my window, and I'm watching them go,
Each of them together working in a synchronized flow
And when the sweetness is gone,
The ants disappear too
Kalliope Jun 30
I like to cook,
To cut and to chop,
Follow a recipe?
I think the **** not.

I guess and I taste
As I go along,
Each meal is different,
Every seasoning strong.

A pan so hot
With its sizzling sound,
Don’t come in my kitchen-
My chaos all around.

The water is boiling,
Steam clouds the air,
There’s flour on my face,
Chili powder in my hair.

Everyone knew
It was my turn to cook dinner,
Music blasting loud-
Master chef sinner.

I sing off-key
While I stir the ***,
But it smells delicious,
And that’s what I’ve got.

When it’s all done,
I plate it so nicely,
A centering ritual
That sometimes feels wifely.
For now I sweep the flour alone and scrub each little spill, but someday someone will help me clean, and we’ll dance in the kitchen until the world grows still
Kalliope Aug 2024
I just want someone to look at me
To see me,
For all that I am
Look AT me-
Not through me
And past where I stand

I just want someone to know me,
To feel me,
To want who I am

And for a second,
Quite briefly,
I think our eyes met
And that scared me so bad
I immediately left
I crave quiet understanding
But the chaos is too loud
Once I was finally seen
The fear took all my sound
Kalliope Jun 1
She lived her life like this-since she was fourteen,
Could never tell reality from her daydreams
Until she met disappointment,
that's a good tell,
This isn't wonderland Alice-
its your personal hell
And you can blame bad luck, **** cards, the wrong genes,
At the end of the day
these are YOUR seams.
This is real life,
stitches need upkeep
yet you're so surprised
its not like in your sleep-
where you're adventurous,
mouthy, and tall
Not this anxious ball of anger,
tremendously scared to fall.
Fear is ever controlling when you let ot grow past the make believe
Kalliope Jan 15
I was made of fabric
Hair like silk framing my face
Naive eyes looking every which way
And through rough palms
I was strung along
And changed into tattered lace

I was made of leather
Firm but flexible
Looking for pleasure
I thought I knew better,
Had found the right way
I had to learn it hurts just as bad
To bend but not break

I am made of steel
Solid and sturdy, I don't have to feel
I can keep myself safe
It's okay to be alone at the end of the day
I built myself up, I filled my own cracks
It haunts my heart to think of my reckless past
You turned me into glass
A kaleidoscope heart
On display for your art
And I don't know how to revert back
Kalliope Mar 2018
I'm sorry I didn't understand how to love slowly,
It's a shame you didn't have the patience to show me.
Kalliope Jun 5
I don't know how to end a story, don't see when the plot has died
Especially when it's a good scene, and the mood is always just right
The sun is setting- there's lovers on the beach, the future stands before them with nothing out of reach
Maybe that's not in the cards they pulled, I should let the story line fade out, but that makes me physically ill,
"They belong together" I shout-
And I'll stall the scene with every breathe, hoping hope can out-write loves death
Maybe that's why I write poems, not novels
Kalliope Apr 2018
I was familiar with rough hands but I'll never forget how gentle she was when she touched me
Kalliope Sep 2024
A constant reminder of the love we once shared,
That's no longer there
Personified in the form of a little person,
A little bit of me and a lot a bit of you,
I love watching her figure out what all she can do
Stubborn and curious ,
I wonder if she'll grow to be like you, always furious
So I shower her with love and affection and attention
And shield her from our past, the things we do not mention
You find fault in every role I take,
As a partner you ******, but as a dad I think you're great
A confusing place to be, to hate the man your daughter adores
But I push through and only cry behind closed doors
The greatest gift you gave me
Was our daughter for sure
But the permanent connection with you
I could've gone without
Kalliope Aug 2024
I grab a brush,
Just to ruin the painting

And with my pen,
I'll disrupt the flow

When I open my mouth,
I butcher the chorus

And I only spew facts,
Everyone already knows

A walking disaster,
Filled with good intent

Busting through walls,
Instead of being let in

Happy to be here,
Not knowing when to leave

Mistake after mistake,
Never stopping to just breathe
I wouldn't hold my hand either
Kalliope Apr 22
I wish I could draw, I dont want to write

Three shades of blue, a couple purple hues

Splattered over ink pen outlines

A figure sat low, knees dug into the ground

Lines overlapping, the details are smudged

What's she begging for you'd wonder,
And who is she begging above?

Tears would streak the page, but it'd just add to the scene

A figure unmoving, an illustration I'd love

But no I can't draw her

So I write her alive, but it's not the same

I can write her feelings, but I'd like to draw her pain

If you can't verbally listen maybe I could visually explain
Writing from anger, reading with pain
Tearing up paper just to rewrite again,
A torturous cycle that goes on all night
When every word that you know always starts a fight
Every time I think I'm free,
I'm reminded that I'm not-
Years of separation,
Distance, even blocked.

A helping hand from you
Has always been a trap
Wrapped up in bows,
Pretty, but you'll snap.

I always stand my ground,
Cover my walls in spikes,
Until I think about the little boy you were-
You didn't mean to grow with so much spite.

That's always my downfall-
The child in me sees the child in you,
And I just want to save him,
But only you can save him from you.

So I keep taking these setbacks,
Hoping to show you some light,
But you leave me beat and bruised
When I only wanted you to feel less alone on your darkest nights.

I want a friendship,
Be cordial at least,
But there must be something in me
That makes you so ******* mean.

Still, you don’t let me stray far-
If you can’t have me, no one will.
I want to know sweet love while I’m young,
But maybe that prophecy was never mine to fill.
How many times will I fall for the facade?
You get better and better at dragging it out
And when I'm the one who doesn't believe you, everyone treats me like I'm the ******* now
Kalliope Jan 2019
The new year is never happy for me
It marks a new year without you
Another month without a gathering
Another week without a lunch outing
And another day without a phone call

I talk to you still
Less often than when you first left
But every new year I'm sure to catch you up
The kids have gotten so big
My parents have finally matured

I've finally grown up
Can make responsible decisions
Not living purely on my emotions
All of this growth stems from you

It hurts my heart knowing you'll never see any of it
You exist one minute and are nothing the next
Kalliope May 2024
I found a seashell next to your picture today.
I'm not sure how it got out of its jar
I'd like to think you moved it there.
That was your way of letting me know everything's okay
And that it's been a while since I talked to you last
Kalliope May 2
Ill pack up your things,
Toss them in the yard,
Your clothes and my rings,
I'll throw them so ******* far

You don't have to worry,
They'll be back in their places tomorrow,
I'll make you breakfast I'm sorry,
I know better than to act on my sorrow

The comings days will be fine,
A few weeks of apologetic bliss,
I know you'll keep crossing my boundary line,
But **** I crave your venomous kiss
I can't blame you when I won't let you leave,
I always crawl back with my heart weeping at my sleeve

I know that you won't but I hope that there's change,
Hopelessly sticking around I know growth is in your range
Kalliope Oct 2018
I feel you trying to love me
I see the effort
I feel the effort
It hurts my heart
I'm too ashamed
Too many skeletons
Too many sins
More secrets than I'd care to share
I think you'd accept me
Take me as I am
The issue isn't you
I'm ashamed to be so
Stained
Standing next to your
Immaculate existence
You know when someone deserves better
Kalliope Aug 2024
The feelings I feel are so confusing to me
No matter what I do I can't make them leave
They hit me and yell and scratch till I bleed
Always around, bringing me to my knees
I feel them in my skin, they buzz in my brain
Mentally I'm in the street laid out in the rain
They rip out my nails and tap dents in my collar bones,
Force me back to my room where I just lay all alone,
Darken my eyes, drain the color from my face
The creature now in the mirror I look at with disgrace
And I can't make it stop
And I don't know that I want too
A feeling is a feeling
I should be grateful to feel at all
Kalliope Nov 2024
I'd keep the walls down but
Everytime I let hope remove the bricks
I take arrows to my chest.

I think it might be best
To keep the concrete high
And nurse my wounds in private this time.
My fingers are calloused
My skin is burned
My thoughts now are malice
From the patterns I've learned
Kalliope Oct 2018
With heavy eyes
And stiff bones
I say goodbye
To what was once
A home
I am afraid
I have to go
A brand new road
To be travelled alone
I won't forgot
All those good times
We had on late nights
And cheap moonshine
In my heart
I'll forever hold
As I say goodbye
To who was once a home
Your freckle placements are forever etched into my mind
Kalliope Apr 2018
If you broke my arm
I'd still ask you to sign my cast,
And that is why
I must go.
Kalliope Sep 2024
I hang onto your every last word like it's the last bus home at midnight but the driver is inconsistent and now I'm stranded.
Do I wait under the flickering lights
Or
Do I start my walk home alone
Kalliope Jun 6
I went to college, I got a degree, I don't do drugs, well- not that many,
I've played the wife and the side piece too, I've funded others life styles-
then suffered alone
I spend my days checking my phone
For what? I'm not sure, anyone who gave a **** about me I kicked to the curb-
or they left,
Had enough of my facade,
my relationship with others
always goes wrong
Either I'm too codependent or
I live on the moon
I never could get it right,
so I've hid in my room
I used to go out ya know- I used to be fun,
I could laugh and have a good time but now I just run
If I take too many shots I'll start to cry
so instead of ruining the party
I think I'll just hide
I ache for a feeling that doesn't exist but when I get close my head throws a fit
I know all my flaws and
every ugly feature
How am I supposed to believe someone else could love this creature?
I'm better on paper and returned in practice, the warranty's gone bad
there's no reason to have this
Just for a second I believe
you think I'm gold,
and though that feels so peaceful-
my mind turns me to mold
And you can't see that
I'm making you sick
I don't want to hurt you,
I want to be loved
But once these thoughts start rolling in- sticking around is easier said than done
Self imposed exile
born of fear and unworthiness
Kalliope Oct 2024
Only worth what I can give, never allowed to be seen,
I tend their wounds and clean their rooms, but no one's concerned about me.
Money to borrow, chores to be done, tears to be wiped, words to be sung.
And I like to do it, but I'm all worn out
I can't keep on giving when I'm left out.
But I'm talked over, my words not worth your ears,
And my hands are unseen, unless alleviating others fears.
I've asked for help, and patience, and time, but I'm told that's life and I should step back in line.
If your cup was empty I'd give you half,
But I've filled so many cups,
And no one's filled mine back
Kalliope Jun 10
I was in it, then I wasn’t.
Days flew by, dragging as they passed.
Now, I’ll never get that time back.

At sixteen, I wished on stars for this age.
Now, I’d trade the world just to rewind.
Funny—how I lived for the future,
And now the past knots me ******* blind.

Rewriting days that came and went,
Haunted by words I never said.
I try to face forward, but my neck won’t budge—
Staring at my failures instead.

I’ve tried to live in the present,
Tried to make it feel like home.
But one foot’s anxiously in the future,
The other mourns the past all alone.

The past calls for my soul and my bones,
Every time I sneak back, it drags me down,
Reliving moments that leave my future more dull.

Everyone that cares is here in the now,
But I never stay for long—
I'm always time-jumping,
My fixation on past failures dragging me along.

The time-traveling woman—
Trying to perfect love,
never accepting what is,
Always trying to fix what was.
If I broke my time machine,
                          Do you think I'd stay put?
Kalliope Aug 2024
I've been a thousand women
For a handful of men,
Each act greater than the last
But never enough for an encore.

At the end of the night
When I take off my mask,
Ready to be the one they fall for,
It's only emotional baggage left.

So I'll pack it up
And put it away neatly,
In case they ever return,
And I'll yearn
And I'll wish
And I'll dream
For someone to WANT to
Want to be with me
I want to be wanted
But scared to be seen
I think truly I know
What that means in the end for me
Kalliope Oct 2018
I'm stuck in my head
Can't get out of bed
You leave me on read
You don't care what I said

I can't feel love
Not even heaven above
Your hearts I will shove
I'm someone to dispose of

It's all good and well
My hopes have all fell
My soul I will sell
I'm going to hell
Some deals are made to stop pain
Kalliope Apr 2018
She spent so many nights wiping off smeared make up she won't even put it on anymore
Kalliope Nov 2018
All the ways I try to fill the void
Seem to make me empty

Funny how shallow needs
Create a shallow soul
I'll continue to sink lower and lower
Kalliope Aug 2024
Familiar but distant
Different yet the same
I can't believe you still have that t-shirt,
What's made you come around again?
Time has aged your face
But your eyes haven't changed
And I can't look away
Kalliope Jun 24
I didn’t really know how bad it got, and usually I do.
I tend to keep to myself and stay in my room.
It didn’t look like that this time-
no, it slowly evolved.
There was no sudden switch with all of my body involved.

I don’t smile anymore while drinking my coffee,
and every day at 7:30 my mom asks what’s wrong with me.
I say nothing, that’s just my face,
and try to reassure her that my feelings she mistakes.

I sit with my family and join my daughter in pretend,
oddly, everyone treats me like I’m standing at the edge.

Until one morning my dad gives me a drink,
talks about renovation plans and asks what I think.
But I don’t care, and I don’t know why he’d ask.
He tells me he’s scared I’ll be like him,
and see life like an empty glass.

Which was weird, we never talk that deep-
but he noticed the change in me,
so I had to admit defeat.
I’m no actress, never been in a play,
but I thought I hid my sadness well-
that it wasn’t infecting my day by day.

But I’m a fool, so that’s really no surprise.
Now I really have to heal,
since it’s reached my family’s eyes.
I think at some point I stopped expecting better things,
So when I’m disappointed it can pass and not really sting,
But I don’t want to be the sad girl-
not really, not anymore.
I'm going to be the confident girl,
okay with expecting more.
Kalliope Dec 2024
Do I go crazy or have I always been here?
Chaos is the comfort, the peace causes panic
None of it makes sense,
Could I be going manic?
I'm craving a quiet mind,
No thoughts, no racing to save the day, But when I find that comfort?
My insides are in complete disarray
And do you think I'm crazy?
Have I ever been okay?
I guess it doesn't matter,
I'll do something crazy either way
Kalliope Apr 2018
Each time you call me dumb
I believe you
a little bit more.
I'm dumb
for loving someone
Who is not capable of
loving me back.
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